A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi there this is the first time I doing this. I'm in a difficult situation right now, and I really don't know what to do. I've been in a long distant relationship for almost 2 years and I feel like things are starting to become dull between me and my partner. Before, everything was perfect but now I feel like we don't have that spark anymore. We've had a lot of history together, some really intense obstacles to pass which we've managed to conquer but here's the thing. I've kinda cheated on him. Well not kinda, I have. There's this guy I've recently met and I've got such a deep connection with him, more so than what I did with my current partner when we first started talking, and because of that, I've now cheated on my partner. I don't know whether I'm just trying to fill a gap because my partner isn't here, or whether I'm using this connection with this new guy to just find a way out, or whether this was just an excuse to find a way to leave because I'm so confused! I don't know if I'm convincing myself if I love my partner or not, and I really have no clue about anything now. I know what I did was wrong, honestly, and I regret going about doing it like this, but honestly my relationship hasn't been like usual and I just feel like we're just with each other for the sake of beingwith each other. I don't know. Please help!
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 October 2015):
 It's time to end things with the LDR. People weren't made to have indefinite phone-in relationships for years with zero end in sight, and it's tough for even the ones that are temporary to weather the storm.
LDR's with the best chance for making it (and even these have had higher rates of infidelity) are things such as military deployment, a summer of something like the Peace Corps (although usually both parties are away together), or a very specific amount of time that's designed to end, such as a 2-year internship or a scholarship or whatever. A "We'll be together someday" along with an open-ended LDR status can't withstand human nature.
You shouldn't have cheated. You should have just ended it with the LDR when you realized that it had ended long before you jumped into bed with another guy. You must conduct relationships with honor. High school with its musical partners and intense movie drama is over. Now is the time to live in such a way that you value trust as highly as you value love. That is the foundation for meaningful relationships - to live trustworthy, AND to extend trust to others. If you are a cheater, how can you trust others or yourself when you realize how easy it is to just cheat like it's nothing?
You're young, so I'm giving you The Lecture. You feel guilty which is good. You *must* end it with the LDR. To continue now would be to be a dirty blatant cheater, and do you really want to be that person who blows up BOTH relationships? What are you going to tell this guy you slept with if you go beyond sex with him??
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 October 2015):
 LDR doesn't work unless there is a plan for being together in the same physical location at some point - some can handle LDRs with travel back and forth, others can't.
I think your LDR reached it's expiration date. You weren't getting your needs met and thus cheated. However, if you weren't really happy with the LDR, you had the choice to talk to him and end it, BEFORE cheating on him.
So TALK to your LDR, and end it. If you decide that you can't DO that, you need to come clean and IF he still wants to BE with you, you two got some serious work ahead of you.
LDRs can seem lovely and supportive, but it doesn't compare to actually having someone you can put your arms around, you can spend time with (OFF the phone/Internet) - so if you two were purely online (didn't met up) I think it was kind of inevitable that ONE or the other of you got tired of it.
Now it's time to OWN your own actions.
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