| A
male
,
*ostInThisMess
writes: I know it sounds lame, but I somehow got into an online relationship with this great girl. Ive never done it before, it happened by accident, but it was going great for a while. We talked almost every day. We made each other laugh, seemed to connect on every level, blah blah blah. I thought it was going awesome. We had been talking for 6 months, pretty seriously, and then a week before we had planned on meeting, she seemed to get nervous and called it off. She said she had things she needed to do, but I was highly suspicious. Over the next few weeks things seemed to change in how we talked. I got curious and started asking questions, and finally found out that she had been talking to another guy online (who happens to be an alcoholic and drughead, AND 13 yrs older than her). He lives farther from her than I do. The other side of the country. Anyway, she said she was still interested in me, but she was also interested in this guy.She got more and more serious with him, but it was an on and off again thing. She kept finding out about him doing some pretty raunchy things. All of the problems with him stressed her out a lot. Finally one day she was browsing myspace and found his profile. She his wife on it, and that he had a baby. She got upset, emailed him, and told him it was over. Somehow he sweet talked her into thinking this was ok. He told her the whole story. He IS married, but separated, has been living with his girlfriend of 9 yrs (the girl on his myspace), has 2 kids with his wife, and a 1 yr old baby with his girlfriend. I thought that would've been the last straw, but somehow it wasn't. She caught him doing some crappy things after that, and forgave him again. She is planning on meeting him over Thanksgiving, and has even thought about mving up there.Ok, I may sound like a complete idiot, but do you think there's any way I convince her to get rid of this creep and reconsider what we had? I had tried to give her advice, how to avoid him, how to stop stressing herself out with his crap, but that seemed to just push her more in his direction. I don't get it. She expects me to be her best friend, which I would love to be, but I also want more. I can't deal with just being her friend and watching her hook up with thiws creep. Any advice?
View related questions:
alcoholic, best friend, myspace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (30 September 2006):
 Maybe the calls are because she hasn't heard from you and is starting to realise what she is missing out on, missing the contact with you, or missing the fact that she felt you was always there and that you was a backup to her and now your not.
Do you really want to find yourself in another situation like this when someone else comes along and she disregards your feelings again?
Our hearts wish that someone will change their mind and consider us even when our head is telling us that it is wrong and we should move on from this.
You can only do what you want to do and what feels right for you.
Good luck :o)
A
male
reader, LostInThisMess +, writes (29 September 2006):
LostInThisMess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, thanks people. I keep getting the same advice: Leave her alone, move on, blah blah. I know I probably should, but it's hard. As of right now, I've been talking to her for over a year. I still talk to her a lot, buit it's different. I got upset the other night and haven't talked to her or made any contact in about 5 days. She's called a number of times, I reach for the phone, but haven't answered. As much as I'd like to just leave her alone, I wish she'd just change her mind about him, and rethink how good I was to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (29 September 2006):
I totally agree. It sounds like she is looking for something you can't give her or someone very different to you, she totally disregarded your feelings when she was playing online with you both and let you down before moving on to make a go of things with someone that can never or will never give her the love and committment she wants.
I suggest you move on from her and find someone that wants the things you want and can love and respect you the way you want and need to be.
Good luck :o)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2006): Camille brought up a good point. Most guys would see that this online girl friend of yours, likes 'drama' in her life. She's not for you and I'll tell you what you should be pursuing. You want someone in your life, who has her head on straight, isn't addicted to dysfunctional relationships with loser guy, has self-respect, can makes sensible, good life choices and values herself enough to tell guys like this 'jerk'-- to take a hike. She's not doing that. So what does that tell you about her? It's very likely she attains value and definition about her own value, by attaching herself to jerky guys who treat her like the scum of the earth. Woman like this, become vigilant to any imperfections in jerks. They live in denial because if she was to ever 'see' that he is, indeed, very imperfect.. then she then has to admit she too, is this way. Some woman never see that and they keep dating the jerks of the world. So sad. Leave her alone and allow her to keep fixing him, but not for his own good...but for her own good. Take the emotional blinders off and ask why you want to rescue this girl. She doesn't want you to be her hero. For now, wish her well, send her on her way...and you get out there and find a good woman who values herself and values you. They are out there...just gotta go and find them. Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, fallenman  +, writes (29 September 2006):
 I suggest you read a copy of Women Who Love Too Much (Paperback)by Robin Norwood ISBN: 0099474123. And in the meantime avoid this one like the plague.
...............................
A
female
reader, camille +, writes (29 September 2006):
 Honestly? I think you should forget about her. What did you have exactly? An online relationship for 6 months, you never even met her and she chose a jerk who has trouble and danger written all over him. She's looking for something you can't give. It doesn't sound like the type of girl you'd want to be with long term if that's what she's into. Cut all contact with her. Find someone else more deserving. It's her choice, she made it, leave her to it. Oh, and don't be sucked back in when she gets hurt.
...............................
|
