A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I understand this I long, but I have an awkward situation and don't know what to do. I recently moved into a share house to start uni. I have moved in with L and N, along with 3 other people. I have known these people for varying lengths of time, depending on the time they moved in, but a top of 2 weeks. I'm a friendly, happy house mate and I try to help everyone out. Last weekend I went home to visit. L messaged me whilst I was gone telling me how the place was no fun without me. I encouraged him to interact with the others. Before I had left, he would often come up behind me and wrap his arm around my waist. When he was still doing this when I came back home, I nicely asked him to stop as it made me uncomfortable. I thought he may have just been a friendly person and just a cultural difference between us and tried to think little more of it. N moved in a little later. He was quite at first, but we both get along well. Last night, all of the people I live with went out to the club, except for L who complained he had too much work to come out. After dancing as a group for a while, the others went off to get a drink leaving me a N dancing. Eventually he grabbed my hands and started dancing. I was okay with this as I thought we where only housemates having fun.Today I got an odd txt from L asking me to come outside as he had something to say to me which he didn't want to say in front of the others. When I went out he told me it was a mistake and to go back inside. I shown it to another housemate (M), wondering what would be up, and he went and talked to him. M wouldn't tell us what was up but eventually my other female housemate specifically asked him if L and N where having issues because of me. It turns out N had admitted to L that he likes me, L also likes me and neither can admit it to my face. Another thing that has set them off is that I went on a date this afternoon. I don't know what to do about this. I cried when I found out, as I didn't want this, I just wanted to get along well with everyone in the house. At the moment, I don't think either know what I'm aware of this, but L is sitting being miserable and getting drunk in his room, whilst I have no idea where N has gone. I'm stuck in a 1 year contract at this place, plus I love it here and don't want to leave. I don't believe I led any of these guys on, nor does anyone else. Please give me advice of how I should deal with this. I have no idea. Thank you everyone.
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female
reader, naley +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Yes definitely just have a polite conversation with each of them saying you don't want anything more than friends wtih anyone in the house. That would only make your living arrangements complicated as you don't even really know any of them yet.
You didn't move in on the condition that you would end up dating one of them or anything, so if they are good people they will respect the fact that you just want to be a housemate and nothing more.
Sulking in his room and things over this is a bit immature - they haven't taken into account that you don't want to date any of them. I'm not sure how old they are but it sounds a bit dramatic. It may not be worth holding out a whole year with these people, but you cant see how it goes. :)
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 No babes, you have done nothing wrong. Just by what you say, you sound like a very caring and fun kind of person. That is why these two guys are attracted to you. And they don't sound like sex monsters, they sound like they like you for you. They probably won't do anything about it, because they don't want to upset you and they don't want to upset anyone else.
What could you do, pretend to be someone else, put a bag on your head and go around shouting all day? What could they do, pretend to be deaf, dumb and blind, cut out their hearts, or go and seek therapy? - Nope, nothing can be done. A very nice girl, meets 2 nice guys, she doesn't have a twin sister, and it doesn't matter because she's not romantically interested in them.
All you can do is explain that you don't think of them in that way. Explain that they are like brothers, and you couldn't continue living there if you picked one of them for a date. That is all you can do.
People can like us, but we can't force ourselves to like them back. It's not their fault, they can't force themselves to stop. Life goes like this sometimes. Yes they'll be unhappy, but it's not your job to comfort them, that will make things even worse. You just go out with your date. No more hugging these guys, you will build up unrealistic hopes in them. If they really can't stand it, then they will have to move.
Don't worry, you just can't help being you.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  + ♥, writes (26 February 2012):
 As you've just learned, sharing a home can become complicated. If it's true that you don't care to be involved with any of your housemates then have a quiet conversation with each of them seperately and tell them that you have no interest in being romantically involved. That said, be clear in your own mind that that is truly the case -- if you later choose to be involved with one or the other, I can't see how it can work out happily for the term of your lease.
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