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male
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*er0_5um
writes: I'm in a right pickle. I've been married for four years and over the past several months it's become clear, in discussion with my wife, that she is uncovering the details of her orientation - personally supressed due to childhood environment - and that she is, on balance, gay. I've always known that she's bi, but she's now only feeling attraction for other women, and the physical side to our life has effectively ended.She says (and I believe at this juncture) that she is still in love with me, for my mind and persoanlity (and my cookery I suspect), but I fear that this will fade into the idea of being in love, rather than love itself.My question is simple, heartfelt and profound. What in the name of all that is sacred do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (21 May 2006):
 I am glad at least somebody on here is having luck with the advice given.
Good luck mate.
xxx
A
male
reader, zer0_5um +, writes (21 May 2006):
zer0_5um is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThings are progressing well. Civiliszed discussion seems to be working for us.
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A
male
reader, zer0_5um +, writes (8 May 2006):
zer0_5um is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, long conversations and consideration has brought us to an understanding of where we are and what we want. We'll see how it pans out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): I am a lesbian and understand how hard it must be for both of you. You need to sit down and discuss what you both want and if they are the same thing then great but if they're not you can't fight fate! If she is happier in a gay relationship then be a man and let her go or fight for her and stand your ground, everyone fantasises about something
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (3 May 2006):
 I think you need to sit down with your wife and have a very honest and frank discussion about how her gay tendencies are likely to affect your relationship, and the lives of any children you may have.(you don't say if you have or not)
Does she feel she would be happier in a gay relationship now? If this is the case you should be thinking about moving on yourself, you both have the right to be happy, and there is nothing stopping you having a relationship with your wife if you split, you can remain on good terms.
You may of course be happy to stay with your wife and let her have relationships outside of your marriage, it works for some people, but can be intolerable for others. only you know how you would deal with this situation if it arose.
I suppose you need to ask yourselves if spending the rest of your lives together is what you both want now, or are you travelling on different journeys.
There's nothing you can do about her sexual preferences, and if the loss of the physical side of your relationship is too much to bear, I think you would be better off ending the marriage and going your own ways.
Good luck!
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