A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear allThis problem is a bit strange and you may think I am weird, however this is just the way I am.I am in a long distance relationship with a girl I love very much. We have plans to be together soon. Recently she out of the blue told me she was going to get a kitten. I was very surprised and wasn't sure it was practical, but she was so happy I couldn't help but feel happy and support her decision. She told me the ginger kitten was "everything she ever wanted"I really love cats, so once I saw a photo of the tiny kitten I became attached to it and wanted it to be happy.Then her mother began to make her doubt herself and criticised her saying she cannot even look after herself never mind a kitten. This made me feel so sad as she had her heart set on it.After changing her mind, changing it back again and again she finally got the kitten today. The first day she was so happy and me too.However this morning, after the kitten woke her up at 5am, she feels very stressed and doubts if she can keep it. She likes the cat but sadly her mother has been telling her for the last week she isn't capable of raising a cat and now I think she doubts herself.So she may decide to not keep the cat, however the thought of her giving this adorable little kitten away breaks my heart. I don't want to make my girlfriend feel like she has to keep it if she cannot and I know the kitten could be re-homed in a loving family.It was a street cat and I just want it to be happy and loved and it hurts me so much that she could give it away after saying it was everything she wanted, even though I understand.How can I try to support her without being too emotional and making her feel pressure?I know its strange, but after just spending an hour crying because of a kitten I've never met and just seen in video calls I know I am over reacting but I have always been this way with cats.what can I do?
View related questions:
ginger, long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2017):
 Okay I understand why you are feeling the way that you are, as an animal lover I understand why you are feeling emotional. However I wonder is she living on her own or with her parents? What age is she? She does need to realize that having a kitten does come with responsibility. It means waking up to fed them, listening to them crying and meowing. Its not just for play time or until she is bored. She needs to start making decisions based on fact. It is cruel to adopt a cat and then let it go. If she lives with her mother then I guess it is her mothers house and her mothers rules.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (9 December 2017):
 I think her mother is right. Animals are a lot of work and most cats wake you up early, unless you have a cat flap. Taking care of one on your own isn't easy. I think rehoming it is a good idea - provided the new family knows what to expect, as your girlfriend clearly didn't and is now stressed about the reality of it.Tell her you support her decision, but that she hasn't "failed" if she rehomes it, as it may be what's best for both of them.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (9 December 2017):
 You sound like a lovely caring young man. However, if your girlfriend is all stressed out just because the kitten woke her once, then is sounds like her mother was correct about her not being capable of looking after an animal. Any pet is a long-term responsibility and takes genuine commitment. Your girlfriend has fallen at the first hurdle. Not a good sign.
Assuming your girlfriend is an adult, there must be a reason her mother is saying she is not capable of taking care of herself, let alone an animal. Although you are not happy with what her mother is saying, she knows your girlfriend a lot better than you do. (Have you two even met?)
Given that your girlfriend does not sound like she is in the right place to commit the next however many years to looking after an animal, the best thing to do would be to rehome it as quickly as possible, before it gets settled in her home. Hopefully she will do this with a sense of responsibility for it well-being and try to find it a good home. She should then not take on another animal until she really is capable of committing to its care.
As for you, you obviously have a deep love for cats. Can you get involved in any projects to help stray/homeless cats? (Sorry, I don't know what the situation is with cats in your part of the world.)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2017): A cat can live way longer than 15 years.My two that passed lived to be 24 and 26.The one I have now is 18.They can actually live up to 30 but I have heard of one living to 36. So people before you get that kitten think hard are you ready to keep it 30 years? As for you...how old are you really? Does your girlfriend have her own place or live with her parents? If she lives with her parents I would advise her to move only because them not having any faith in her decisions and not supporting them in a positive way is not good at all and it sounds like it is messing with her self esteem. Be a positive friend.I am glad you like cats but the fact that you got so emotional over one you never owned or even met makes me think you are a little over sensitive.That is what makes me think you are a young teen.If you are not get some help for that or life will be hard for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2017): I recently got a kitten for my daughter, it woke me up every night at 3am running around downstairs. Then every morning meowing constantly. Now it's 9 months it's a lot calmer and does wake me up at night. The morning meowing stopped as soon as I realised it was hungry and I just needed to fill it's bowl with loads of food before I went to bed. Cats are pretty easy to look after especially if you let them outside. I just tell her to stick with it and it'll work out fine ??
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (8 December 2017):
 I would encourage her to re-home it now before she gets TOO attached. someone who gets stressed that the cat wakes her at 5 am... doesn't seem ready for the commitment of having a pet. My husband and I have cats (WAY too many lol) 2 of which were hand/bottle raised from 4-6 weeks. That means we HAD to feed them, clean them etc. EVERY 2 hours/24/7 for weeks. Having pets IS a big commitment that you can not take on if you don't understand that. Loving a pet is NOT enough. It needs taken care of as well.
Are they any animal shelters in her area? If so, maybe she can volunteer there so she can be around animals without having to commit to taking care of them.
It is VERY sweet that she wants to save a kitten and love a kitten - but she needs to remember that a cat can live 15 years on average. THAT is a long-term commitment.
So if she decides she can't do it, SUPPORT her in rehoming the cat. The CAT deserves an owner that can commit and take on the responsibility.
Once she has rehomed the cat find her a SWEET stuffed cuddly cat (toy) and mail it to her. Something she can hug and snuggle with.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 December 2017):
 What can you do exactly? You're not even in the same place as her.
If your gf is upset then comfort her. Whatever she decides to do with the cat is up to her. You're thinking way too deeply into this, I'm sure there will be many people willing to take the cat in if your gf can't look after it anymore. I think crying over a cat you've never been in the presence of is slightly excessive for a 26-29 year old man.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2017): What age is your girlfriends as I'm sorry to say but you both come over very immature. I'm glad you and your gf are working to be together. I'm not a ldr basher and think with the right attitude it can work. However i do note a current undercurrent of some mental conditions anxiety stress and maybe depression? To be honest I would advise meeting lots before jumping into a living together
...............................
A
female
reader, holeymoley  +, writes (8 December 2017):
 Why dont you take the cat ?
...............................
A
female
reader, DancerGirl1984 +, writes (8 December 2017):
You sound like a very responsible young man. You understand the responsibility of owning an animal. I'd prefer the word Parent than owner.
You need to continue being supportive of your girlfriends ability of nurturing and caring for her kitty no matter what her mother says. Your girlfriend should not give the cat away if she is able to provide it a safe and loving home. A Pet is for life.
Good luck.
...............................
|
