New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login240746 questions, 1063584 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Told him to forget it - he's married. Now I've change my mind

Tagged as: Cheating, Crushes, Forbidden love, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 December 2016) 9 Answers - (Newest, 9 December 2016)
A female Malawi age 36-40, anonymous writes:

OK, an old acquaintance, we coincidentally met in a new town, and had sex for two nights. We spent the 3days hanging out together. We parted as we went back to our respective towns. He called me for a chat everyday, claiming that he missed me. On the 4th day, I told him that we should forget what happened between us and treat it as good memories since he is married and I know the wife. He was disappointed and asked that I give him time to think about it. A day later... this Saturday, he calls, we chat over various, and he tells me that he respects my decision. He hasn't called since then. Now here is the problem: I am missing this guy like crazy. He has been in my mind the entire afternoon. I miss the conversations, jokes, sex and everything about our short hook up. I just don t understand why my feelings towards him have suddenly changed.

BTW, I initiated the hook up. Like 'I have been without a man for the last two years. You are an attractive guy. Will you sort me out? ' And I don't regret the event. If was totally worth it

View related questions: hasn't called

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (9 December 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntHopefully someday you won't fall in love and get married and then he cheats on you. Then you may know what it feels like to be cheated on in a marriage. If you feel good about potentially breaking up a family and leaving a woman completely broken just so you can have some sex then you really are not a nice person.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2016):

You miss something that isn't real. Take this advice from someone who had a'relationship' with a married man for too long. It does nothing but damage and I wold never ever go there again. You have an opportunity right now to break it off. Take it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (5 December 2016):

Denizen agony auntYou know, Aidan's right. This one is taken. Why did you bed him in the first place? Was it because it was easy? I think you are a better person than this. Your role isn't to be the other woman.

Perhaps you and he needed each other that one night. You needed to know you were still attractive to men; and he needed a bit of glitter in his marriage. Perhaps it has done you both good - but that's it. Let it go. Find someone who will be completely yours. Good luck.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom + , writes (5 December 2016):

There hasn’t been a man in your life for a while, and it made you feel good; that’s why you miss him. However, you were right to tell him to forget about it because he’s married, and he isn’t available. Think of the hurt this could cause his wife. Focus your energies on figuring out what you want in a man and looking for some-one to fulfil you who is available to do so.

I wish you all the very best.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016):

Well, you have your reasons. I will not judge.

Just remember that if you do continue with this affair, that it is highly likely you are going to get your heart broken after you fall in love with him but he tells you he will never leave his wife. That you are just a fun escape with a shelf life.

If you can handle a FWB with a married man and know that someday, any day, he can break it off with you and go back to his normal life while you are left shattered, then go ahead. Have fun. But just realize you are going to eventually pay a price. I caution you to keep your emotions in check if you plan to embark on this affair. Always have your guard up. Protect your heart. You cannot give it to a married man.

I am a mistress. I have been in this position for almost 4 years. I fell in love with him and I still love his company and the sex is still amazing after all this time. But I do often feel lonely and wishing he could be all mine and he has told me he will never leave his wife (or me). All the usual reasons but the fact is I will forever be on the side, for as long as I allow it. The unconventional relationship becomes hard to bear as time goes on. You often worry if he is capable of cheating on you or will someday trade you in for the next woman who turns his head. It isn't easy. And even if you did end up winning him, you will never trust him. I have nightmares about him possibly spreading his seed elsewhere. Nothing would destroy me more. I, too had no regrets going in. He gave me the signals and kept green lighting me. So I pursued him hard and would not stop until I got him. For a long time it is fun and you are oblivious to the consequences because it is highly addictive, especially in the beginning. But eventually how you felt about yourself, being able to turn a married guy's head and the ego boost it gives you, well, it turns into self loathing and it does end up knocking down your self esteem and self worth. Funny how you felt so good about yourself in the beginning when you got your conquest. Well, it all does turn around and you will feel ashamed. Worthless. Because he will never commit to you. Never share his life. Never open himself up to love you. It hurts very badly. But I stay because now I have fallen in love. Sometimes I wonder if I had to do it all again, if I would have made a different choice. I have been through a great deal of emotional pain over this man.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016):

Forget this man he will just use you for sex if you allow it.

Put yourself in his wife's shoes, would you like it if your husband was cheating. Find your own single man.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016):

If you feel that way about him, you shouldn't give him a cold shoulder. Get him back.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Flabby Thighs United Kingdom +, writes (5 December 2016):

You only have yourself to blame by sleeping with a married man. Which is LOW. Come on woman, get a grip on yourself, treat yourself with respect. Start behaving like an adult. The feelings will subside and you will get back to normal. Just be strong and ride it out.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (5 December 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntWell, you should feel guilty because you shouldn't hook up with someone in a relationship, let alone married. If you really don't regret it at all, you should consider why and think about how you'd feel if you were the wife.

Let this man go and find your own.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Told him to forget it - he's married. Now I've change my mind"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.03125!