A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I will be as breif as possible. I am 24 and my Special other is 28. We have been together since I was 16 and lived together since I was 17. We were a great couple up until about 3 years ago. Something just changed. Neither of us are interested in sex. He works all day, gets on his pc the min he comes in and stays there til time for bed. I dread the time he is home because that means I am stuck sitting here bored and I am just really unhappy. I have tried to talk to him and tell him how I feel but it just leads to a major argument where he instantly goes for the throat and starts name calling. I have felt this way for a few years now but never acted on it to spare his feelings. All of his family lives in different states and he is only here because of me. The guilt kills me to think about ripping apart our life together but at the sametime I am angry because he has brought it on himself. I have gave him hundreds of times to change and nothing ever does. So my question is how can I end things? I know it is going to be incrediably hard but in the end we dont belong together, we are just comfortable. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (29 May 2009):
 then its time you parted, after so long we ourselfs change our ideas on life to the simplest things and we dont nessecary change the same way as our partners. you both cant communicate well as you said it leads to arguements. so it seems perhaps your better off on your own happy than together and sad. after time you both will heal so dont worry about that. just be gentle about just say how you feel but dont throw it in his face. good luck aphex xx
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (29 May 2009):
 WAIT A SECOND!!
The question should not be "How can I end things". It should be "How you can I try to fix this".
I noticed that you have not mentioned marriage counseling. Have you brought this up? I understand that you have been together a long time, but do you want to end it without saying with all certainty that you tried everything you could. Present an ultimatum about counseling if you feel you must(that he agrees to go or it's over). But take action and try to fix it before throwing it all away.
Just sitting and waiting for someone to come to their senses does no good. Not taking action "to spare is feelings" is also self delusional. That puts the onus on you to do something about it.
End it if you feel you must, but take action to try to regain what you saw in your hubby in the first place. If you have done everything possible, and still get a negative result then you can bow out with your head held high.
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A
female
reader, summerslady21 +, writes (29 May 2009):
Try telling him that something has to change and soon or its the end of you! When he starts yelling at you calmly say "I'm not yelling at you please don't yell at me" repeat this as many times needed he will eventually stop yelling! They hate making themselves look dumb! If you're scared of what he may do then pack up and go while he's at work leave him a note and just go. Or tell him that things are too much and that you want out or when you try to talk to him and he yells just look at him and say "I'm done" he might ask what you mean then say "I'm done with us the fighting and being alone even when I'm not alone!" you just got to be happy and you're not honey you'll never be able to make another person happy until you're happy! Good luck keep us posted
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