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female
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anonymous
writes: Never having felt this low before, and emotionally a state. Ive finished a 6yr relationship with a guy who loves me more than the world, told me and showed me regularly, although it was a very volitile relationship and always has been, i do not like being told what to do and neither does he, normal, yea. I dont fancy him but i miss him so much it is unreal and i cannot stop crying, my life was planned with him i was ready to start the old family thing, marriage doesnt bother me. My head is in a mess i really dont know what way to go, i shared everything with him.We have been seperated nearly 2mths, ive told him i will buy our apartment, the thought of not having him as a friend is awful, we went out last night for a meal it was such a lovely evening. Help??
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male
reader, Herr Professor +, writes (14 September 2006):
 There's no reason why you can't remain friends. There's no law that says former lovers have to be enemies or never see one another. Many people go this route, and I've never understood why. I have remained friends with most of my ex-partners. You went to dinner with him after breaking up, so obviously things aren't so volatile that you can't be around one another.
You probably do some time apart just so you don't fall back into the habit of something that was comfortable. I would make it a point to tell him that you do care about him and love him as friend even though you're no longer in love with him. Tell him that you know that you can't be together as couple, but someday you want to have a relationship with him as a friend.
I really do hope it works out for you that way. The friendships I have with my exes are wonderful. They know me so well that I don't have to explain things, they give me objective opinions, and they never let me get away with anything!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): you obviously still feel something for him and he does for you you both have your own space now which can be a very good thing it might make him realise what he has actually lost. the same thing happened to me twelve years ago we split for three months still had the same feelings it was my partner that ended it he came back and our relationship was completly different after the break and we are now married with two children. i dont see the problem with you going out together on occasions if there is still something there you never know you might be posting on here in twelve years time happily married with children with your now ex.
all the best keep smiling
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A
female
reader, Suzanna +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Sorry to hear that you are so sad! Breaking up is hard to do. Do you strongly believe in the reasons for breaking up (you don't facy him sexually)? If you do, then you have made the right decision. Remember that you have your whole life ahead of you and it is not good for either of you to keep hanging on the a dead end relationship. It will take time to come to terms with the changes and will be very hard. Why don't you consider going for counselling to help you through this initial bad patch? It might just make an amazing difference to you.
On the friendship front. Maybe you could one day have a friendship, but it might be easier to give yourself some time to find your feet first. Why not make an agreement with him that you will catch up again in say 6 months time to see if you could rebuild a friendship because you value him and would miss not having him as a friend?
All the best to you! XxX
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Of course you're distraught but give it time. 6 years is a long time and it will be hard when that person has gone. I'm not sure that dinners together are a good idea. You have split up beacause it wasn't working and to go to just friends would be a mistake so soon. You need time to get over this separation. Maybe in the future you can be friends but for now you have to get on with your life and rebuild. I had a similar situation after an 11 year relationship (it wasn't volatile though) and it is like breaking a habit and of course when you see someone every day, suddenly not doing will be a wrench. I don't want to trivialise your feelings but remember when you left school and your best friends went off to college far away? You'll get used to it is what I'm trying to say.
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