A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'd like to hear from people who have children and those who don't. Do you regret your decision or are you sincerely happy with your choice to become a parent or childfree? I have terrible mental illness genetics in my family line so I'm leaning towards being childfree. I'm lucky enough to only have inherited some mild anxiety but the chances are high that my children could have a number of mental illnesses. I don't want to suffer as my family have. I'd just like to hear your stories, if you care to share. Many thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (1 March 2016):
 Sorry I should say....I am here if you wish to talk. :))))
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (1 March 2016):
I am here if you need me :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2016): Amazing advice from you all! Thank you for sharing your stories with me. Brownwolf, have you ever thought of becoming a motivational speaker? I love your outlook on life!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (29 February 2016):
I have a boy and girl...Him 20 and her 19.
I love every day of being a father. My daughter is diabetic, has been since she was two years old. At a time when children with diabetes was rare. We almost lost her because of it. When the doctor came in the room and told us, I simply said "what's the next step from here?"
Life has challenges that break those that are weak or make us stronger for those who fight back. We could have been those parents who said "Oh we can't handle this." And given her up for adoption. Right there was the moment for us to be weak.
She is now 19 years old, uses an insulin pump, and unless she says so, you would never know she was diabetic.
Sure you can adopt a child...and that child could end up with worse health issues than if you had your own. No one knows what challenges life has in store for us.
You know you have anxiety issues. You know the symptoms, and how to deal with it. Having a child of your own, and not wanting your child to see you in that state could actually help control your own anxiety. If your child developed the same symptoms, you are an expert in dealing with the issue, because you would know exactly what they are going through.
Your anxiety is not a weakness...it is an opportunity to raise up above something that is trying very hard to make you weak. It wants a fight...and you just say "BRING IT". :)
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A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (29 February 2016):
 Since there is no medical test to diagnose a mental illness, I find it difficult to believe there is a way to map them genetically. Please, for God's sake, don't let this be a factor in your decision.
Besides, if your children leaned toward anxiety, who better to teach them some skills to manage or overcome it than someone who has been there themselves?
We tend to romanticize marriage and children and therefore question folks who opt out. The truth is, those of us who have them would give our last kidney to save them, but raising them is hard, mostly thankless work. Being married and being a parent is not the end all and be all of life. You can have a full life, one with meaning and purpose with or without either, so there is no 'one size fits all' here.
I've known and heard of couples who chose not to have children and never regretted it. On the other hand, if you live to a ripe old age, it can be lonely watching your friends and closest relatives pass on.
You don't have to rush to make any decision just yet. Yes, yes, I know you're close to 30, but 30 is not 60 and women in their 40's have been having children for centuries. You do have some time before the question becomes moot.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2016): What about adoption?
We can have kids, but my hubby and I feel the same way . Our hearts are set on not having biological kids.
For us giving a life is the ultimate responsibility and we don't believe that life is always a gift. Kids do not ask to be born. We do.
We have stable lives and would like to help someone who is already here, to love him/her...so we are about to enter into an adoption process.
If you are healthy and can provide for a child and more importantly if you want kids do not limit yourself, adopt.
I know that in the long run we would feel sorry if we haven't tried to adopt. I am not saying that all lives withiut kids are empty but if you want them and not have them you could feel that way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (28 February 2016):
 I don't know how well mental illnesses can be mapped in a genetic profile, but if kids is something you might want, I'd consider talking to a doctor BEFORE making that huge decision. And don't forget your kids would genetically be half your partners, which in turn can lower the "chance" of genetic "problems".
And of course there is adoption.
I didn't want kids till I met my husband. Not because of any genetic concern, but purely selfish reasons. I wanted to be "free" to travel and do as I pleased. But I have 3 kids and no regrets. It's hard work for sure, but also very rewarding.
I really didn't know I wanted kids till I had my first one. And that is being 100% honest.
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