A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:When I have known someone for three years and there is no relationship. Just emails. Three dates for coffee and chatting. Emails only. Now he has indicated he can only be friends with benefits as that is the only thing that works for him he says? What do I do ? I am tired of emails and only that kind of friendship. I think he likes me for more but not as having only one girlfriend and after three years how do I say I do not want to continue anything or what should I do?
View related questions:
friend with benefits Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2014): I wouldn't go I to long letters, you had 3 years of them. I would say: a real boyfriend is the only thing that will work for ME.
Also, wants to comment on FWB part. Olderthandirt nailed it. I couldn't say it better myself. I too strongly believe that FWB was made by new generation of men who did it only to get easy fuck whenever they feel for it.
And frankly, women who go for it are plain stupid and have no self respect, unless it is a new unknown for me generation of women.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 The Aunts are very nice- as for me I am not sure if I'd bother with the " thanks for the memories " email. Probably I'd limit myself to an essential " Sorry, not interested " and I'd move on, neat and surgical .
I don't know if this was very long distance, or if there were any particular reasons for your contacts to be so spare, but ,generally speaking, hint for next time : 3 coffee dates in 3 years ? e-mails only ?... NOT into you and only looking for killing time ( or, for casual sex if he has run out of other options ). Really not probable that someone wants a relationship with you if in 3 years this is all the effort he has shown. In fact , if you want a relationship,- do not wait 3 years for them to show some vital signs !
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2014): I don't know why you thought three years of emails was a relationship? Three coffees and now he expects a fuck buddy? LOL.. just tell him to forget it, he sounds nuts. I'm not sure if you discussed what you wanted in those three years of emails but that is a long time to never make any mention of it if neither of you did.
Look for someone else and say that this is a lost cause which you won't waste anymore time on.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 September 2014):
 FWB as I understand it is a male and female meeting periodically for the purpose of the male being 'pleasured.Ergo, why is the term friend(s)? I'd tell is dude how the cow ate the cabbage and how to go F(ind) himself a NEW friend. You don't need tht kind of disrespect. Tell him get lost! He's a jerk and you can do better. FWbwhat a dumb thing!Good Luck Obviously a term ade up by e new age male idiot crowd. Makes me wonder how it can getany more stupid.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 September 2014):
 Then block his email, mourn the end of the relationship and eventually you'll find yourself happy to be rid of this time-waster!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 September 2014):
Dear Gordon, thank you for letting me know your vision for our relationship. Alas, as I want more than FWB and some random coffee dates, I will have to decline your offer. I have decided to end our relationship entirely so I can move on and find the partner I deserve.
Good luck with life, and goodbye,
Susy
...............................
A
female
reader, SeaGreen  +, writes (12 September 2014):
 How do you tell him that you don't want to continue being in contact with him after three years?
Easy!
You are a human being not a play toy! Let him know! I will refer to him as Ben for an example.
"Dear Ben,
It's been great chatting with you for three years but I think our time has come to an end. You made your intentions pretty clear but I have to disagree with your views. I'm not a sex toy. Please look somewhere else if you want that sort of thing. I will kindly ask that you do not contact me anymore.
Take care!"
...............................
A
male
reader, 89zombie +, writes (12 September 2014):
I went throw the same thing trust me be upfront with the guy tell him you want a bf. nothing less if he say he can't tell him it's best to be friends only or just tell him sorry we can't talk. You have been holding out for this guy but since he can't see a great women when it standing in front of him kick his a$$ to the corner. No one should settle for less.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 September 2014):
Dear OP,
You are tired - rightfully so! Find yourself a real deal.. a man who wants to be there, physically, emotionally and through communication. Those emails have become a way to spend some time while waiting for something better. For the both of you. But after three years, this relationship seems to have completely stagnated and it's not going anywhere. So, get off this dead horse, life is precious and so is your time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 September 2014):
 Personally, I'd let him know that you have appreciated the conversation over the last 3 years but you are not looking to be anyone's FWB or F-buddy. And that you rather cut the contact then continue down a road that leads to nowhere - or at least nowhere YOU want to go.
And IF you are looking for a relationship (no idea about your age) then maybe, don't spend 3 years being pen pals?
There is nothing wrong in going your own way.
After you tell him how you feel (e-mail or whatever way you choose to communicate it) then FEEL free to block him if that makes it easier.
It's QUITE OK to not want to be in a FWB. And it's QUITE OK to say no thanks.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2014): Is there any reason you cannot be straight-forward and tell him that you're moving on? You settled for the three years of emails; so he assumes you're not expecting much. So if you want more, and you feel you deserve better for yourself? Make it unmistakeably and abundantly clear to him. You have other plans, and you're moving on.
Good luck!
...............................
|
