A
male
age
26-29,
Dr Vendetta
writes:As of late i find my posts.. vanishing or not even being posted. Apparently some of the mods/admins around here thinks its ok for a man to want to sleep with his sister.Instead of telling people what they need to hear, it seems as if they would rather us tell people what the poster wants to hear.We are not sheep and we are not "Yes" men/women.This is reality, and reality is a harsh Mistress, the world is not wrapped in cotton wool, where little pink bunnies play in the fields.You can not have proper debates on here if everything is: " Aww don't worry about it, i'm sure you didn't mean to beat her and the kids.. maybe they all walked into a door? or fell down the stairs."" no its fine to want to have sex with your 12 year old cousin"" no i think its nice you and your husband have a love hate relationship. You love him, but hate him beating you and he loves to beat you... i think its nice you can both share"The world is not a perfect place.The Truth is called that because nobody likes hearing "The Truth" the honest to god, in your face, blunt painful truth.I may well looked down upon here, but i have given plenty of good advice, they may well not like it but the truth is the turth.or should we all just start lying?now you must excuse me. me, my sister and cousin are going to go have unprotected sex whilst beating up some midgets.
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cousin, unprotected sex Reply to this Article |
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male
reader, q1605  +, writes (29 June 2008):
 For the record my ex-wifes daughter occasionally comes here to post a question. She has told me about a very nice aunt that has on more than one occasion PM'd her to ask for more detailed information so he could craft a better answer and be more specific in his advise. She said this person was extremely kind and eager to help her find an answer to her question. And who was this kind, attentive gentleman? Anyone? Anyone? thats right doctor vendetta. But I like SusanStricts stuff. And if one's writing is true to their gender, than she has breasts. So that puts her slightly closer to the finish line. Or if we are tabulating traits she is ahead by two
A
female
reader, Smiles  + ♥, writes (29 June 2008):
 Vow, I am surprised; we are all unique and different, so we will not always agree to everything or see things the same, but are we here to judge each others comments and to criticize each other? Or to try and give our honest input, advice and assistance to the person who asked the question?
I salute all the uncle's and aunts giving up free time trying to help others!
No job, or sport or hobby is always without injury!
Keep SMILING!
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (29 June 2008):
Has Susan Strict left the building? I think she just told you guys to piss up a rope. I am a relative new comer to this sight but no one yet, has laid out any particular format or mission statement. The closest thing I've heard to a mandate was a press release or interview of Andrew and that he wanted to keep it as void of hassles as he could to encourage anybody and everybody that wanted to chime in to do so. His comments led me to believe there were no wrong answers. That a person could log on, ask a question and get a true cross section of opinion from a completely random sampling of people that should really get out of the house a bit more often. But, and older sister is right, she just left her point dangling, subjectivity and bias is exactly what is good for this sight. When discretion becomes policy and is used to censure answers that don't fit into an ever narrowing set of criteria, the spirit of this sight suffers. Truth does not cease to be truth because it is presented contrary to rules of order. Extracting the truth you need, might be better served by long and winding colloquy that runs off the road then over corrects then rights itself. Because somewhere between these extremes there is bound to be something the asker can take to heart. Supposition that an answer is too harsh for the sensibilities of the asker is supposition that you know what this person needs better than they do. If people didn't want to get outside of their head and put some perspective back in their lives then they would not find their way here. And if all they wanted was to trade one solipsism for another they would not have found their way here.
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reader, BigSis + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
 No hard feelings, Dr Vendetta, please carry on the good work.BigSis xXx
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reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
 This thread has brought out the very same ferocious herding proclivities that has afflicted the poor doctor.
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
If you are asking me to play nice, Diovan, at the expense of what I think, you're appealing to the wrong vulture. I'll let you spank me though.
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female
reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
 Yippie, Go on Big Sis, you make them pay.... LOL
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male
reader, WizardOfWaz + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
 Well let me explain Lestat.Dr. Vendetta is a long-term regular who is complaining that a few mods are blocking his posts. RegardsWaz
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female
reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
Hey, don't pick on me, you bunch of vultures, take it out on the Wizard, he can stand it, he's got bigger shoulders than me an he's a man. Come on ladies we gotta stick together.
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reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
Hey, it takes a big man to cry, but an even bigger man to laugh at that man
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female
reader, BigSis + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
"Play nice, or I'll find somebody bigger to make the whole lot of you cry."
You called??
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
ahh, c'mon Diovan, what's the point of carrying that whip of yours around if you don't ever crack it? I'm going to have to disarm you but I'll play nice, promise.
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female
reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
Don't go Ms Strict... He dosen't really mean it.... Bohoho, why you got to argue about things I don't understand....(Diovan takes out tissue and wipes tears away) Aren't we supposed to set an example to the children and learn to play nice. I like Dr Vendetta's answers, I like yours and I like Waz. All this fighting about who says what is above my head..... What's the problem anyway, everybody gets helped and that's all that matters.... Play nice, or I'll find somebody bigger to make the whole lot of you cry.
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
I think the direction of the site should be left to the person who created it. "you are not here"....but you are even if you cover your eyes with your hands. If you don't like debates, don't participate in them.
Susan, it's not personal, different opinions aren't a threat to you or your beliefs.
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female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (28 June 2008):
 Well, Waz, you are of course entitled to your opinion.
I would only say that if this part of this site turned into a debating forum, I most certainly wouldn't be here.
Nor would I be here if the site policy were to allow offense and insult to those who ask for help and advice, and I would respectfully suggest that those who believe that should be allowed are completely missing the whole point of this site and what it achieves.
In fact, I think you and Ask-oldersister are right. That's exactly what it's turning into.
So I'm not here. It's been fun.
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
Yes, reality is a harsh mistress, isn't it? But a wise one.
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reader, BigSis + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
"I also once had a psychology teacher tell the class that if they didn't know how to spell "p s y c h o l o g y" , they had no business being there."
Good point, Oldersis.
The other 'oldersis'
xXx
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male
reader, WizardOfWaz + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
Some of us disagree with you Susan Strict. According to your Personal Rules we are not allowed to say why. Dare some of us even suggest to you that that such draconian censoring of any debate on Dear Cupid will ultimately defeat the purpose of the site? Or is that part of der verbitten debate?
My own humble opinion is that reasoned arguement educates us all and that the censoring bully is the one that should be called to heel,rather than the kinda more reasonable folks who encourage everyone to think for themselves by pointing out where we are going wrong.
If we impose censorship on having differing opinions here then we might as well turn the whole site into an auto-bot of stock answers and discard the human input of error and corrections completely.
And that isn't going to help anyone.
Regards
Waz
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
Hey Emilysanswers, I respect your advice! I also admire someone that has the balls to state openly that you don't allow some of his stuff to go through.
I somewhat agree with you, but it's not for me to determine what the poster will find offensive or not, I let it go through. Personally, I find the too sugar coated enabling answers do more harm, they can enable and promote an already unhealthy situation but I don't censor those either.
If we are to err on the side of one extreme, then we become too subjective and biased.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
I do let most of Dr V's stuff through, especially when it's witty. But I have rejected a couple that I think have been just a tad too harsh to the question poster.
Yes some people deserve the harsh truth to be delivered on a sharp stick - but some people are not mentally strong enough to take it.
Good Luck!! xx
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
Susan, Vendetta posted this and the answers are relevant to his posting. We don't have debates when a poster writes in to get help, that's not the case here.
If this is "too heated" for you, keep in mind, it's not for most.
Would you censor someone that says abortion is "wrong"? It's one thing to block illiteracy and blatant bashing, it's another when you allow your subjectivity to interfere and bias responses, that goes against what this site promotes.
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reader, Susan Strict +, writes (28 June 2008):
You can't have debates on here, you say.
I think that's right. This is not the place for debates. Debates belong in forums, discussion boards and similar. They don't belong on a part of a site where the purpose is to give the most helpful, constructive advice we possibly can to everyone who feels the need to ask for it - whether they are right, wrong, immoral, amoral or positively round the twist. Debates may follow an article, I think, or on DearCupid's forums as long as they do not become too heated. This part of this site is not normally the place for them.
The aunties answering the questions are, in my view, quite at liberty to criticise the actions or the proposed actions of anyone asking a question, and most certainly a little acid wit of the Dr Vendetta type is a welcome change to the same boring drivel most of us spout repeatedly in answer to the same repeated questions.
However, and more importantly, I think it is a duty of the moderators to remove any answer (or question for that matter) that is insulting, belittling, illegal or completely unhelpful - which includes those that may be misunderstood by the majority of the readers. I fear, Dr Vendetta, that if some of yours are going missing then one of those criteria may be the reason. If truth is presented in a way that is unhelpful and unpleasant to someone who needs real help, then it ceases to be truth and becomes something far less desirable that has no place as an answer here.
I think people like many of your answers, Dr Vendetta, but I also think that when, occasionally and like many others who reply to questions in a forthright manner, your answer takes a tone that is offensive to the asker of the question - however much that person's views and actions may be wrong - then if the moderators are removing it they are doing a good job. And that, I think, should not discourage you. Without any doubt in my mind whatsoever, I can truthfully tell you that without those answers of yours that do pass the zealous team of moderators, this site would be a worse place. You are appreciated, Dr Vendetta; very much so. And I hope you can also appreciate what I think the moderators are trying to do to ensure that none of those who really need help will go away feeling worse than when they came here. It can, no doubt, be a delicate balance to achieve.
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reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
Hey, Big Sis, I once heard a phrase when I was 16 and it went something like this "I wish I could be a teenager again because that was the only time I knew everything". Hahaha. I was determined to write down and keep a journal of all my opinions, because damnit I was right, and as I started to jot shit down....I had this voice inside my head that told me "probably not a good idea, why subject myself to humiliation later in life when I read back on this as an adult".
I also once had a psychology teacher tell the class that if they didn't know how to spell "p s y c h o l o g y" , they had no business being there.
For what it's worth!
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reader, BigSis + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
Young Master 15 year old Phsyciatrist-to-be, read Dr V's posts thru'out this forum, he often makes good and valid sense.
Like he says in his profile; he is "blunt and to the point - but the advice is still truthful.
But nobody likes the truth".
BS x
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female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (28 June 2008):
Hi Wiz, I totally agree. I don't see why Vendetta's posts need to be censured or wiped off the planet. Dr, I think you give great advice and accurate.
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male
reader, WizardOfWaz + ♥, writes (28 June 2008):
Phsyciatrist-to-be appears to have completely missed the point.Vendetta maybe has a justifiable grievance. There is an equal arguement as to why his posts should not be censored as much as there is for those who can't cope with his more acidic criticisms. RegardsWaz
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male
reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be +, writes (24 June 2008):
 That, my friend, was the most pointless thing I have ever read.Can I ask how many people you have heard saying "I'm sure you didnt mean to beat up your kids"? How many articles, or answers to questions have read: "It's fine if you want to sleep with your sister."Yes, the truth is very important, but people come to this site for help and advice, not for other people to tell them they have screwed up their lives and are complete and utter idiots. There is a certain nack to telling someone the truth about things like that. If someone says they slept with their sister on this site, then they're obviously worried and most probably ashamed at what they've done. We are here to tell them what the next step is, not what the step that they should have taken was.I'm not saying it's ok to sleep with your 12-year-old cousin, or it's not a big deal if you beat your family. But emphisising a persons mistakes will only make whatever the situation that person is in worse.Still, I actually quite enjoyed reading your article. It's always interesting to see what other people think of different things, and I like hearing the views of those with strong opinions.And I enjoy the following debates even more.
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reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (24 June 2008):
Dr Vendetta is verified as being by the original poster of the question "LazyGuy"what you say does hold weight and is very true.here is my reply.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-brothers-wife-have.htmli think i've made my point..i'm gonna go shower and try and scrub away the total loss of faith in humanity with some battery acid and some wirewool.
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reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (22 June 2008):
 The truth?
Is that you god?
Oh no it isn't, then how can you claim to hold the truth?
Part of giving advice is to put yourself in their shoes, not to just say what you think they should do but try and help them with their problem from their point of view.
There is no point in telling a guy who wants to sleep with his sister asking for help that this is wrong or that siblings should not be attracted to each other end of story.
He KNOWS it is wrong because that is why he is asking for help, you only need to gently re-inforce his own notions that this is wrong. Be to harsh and people withdraw into their own shell and god knows what they then tell themselves in their own mind.
As for saying siblings ain't attracted to each other, the fact that he is attracted to his own sister proves that wrong. Again, giving advice you got to keep this in mind, not just tell what you feel.
Sometimes the truth is needed to shake someone up but there is no point in just a rant against someone because that is NOT helping them. This ain't a debate forum. It is an advice forum. Big difference.
To illustrate. On slashdot.org I would debate that any computer user should just install linux (an operating system) on a helpdesk.org I would ADVICE people how to fix windows problems.
If you want to vent your opinion on X do it elsewhere. Here people come for advice, if they ask advice how to stop themselves for desiring incest give it, don't lecture them.
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reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (21 June 2008):
Oh showers... hold on.... they're gonna disappear me again..... poof....
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reader, WizardOfWaz + ♥, writes (21 June 2008):
I think you are fortunate (so far)that this post did not "vanish" as well Mr Vendetta! Fair comments maybe, but wrong place. Posts submitted on here that refer to Site Questions are almost always automatically binned. Users who have questions regarding the running of the site can use the Site Feedback section which can be located by clicking the "Forum" link above.
That part has been set up specifically for suggestions and even criticisms regarding any aspect of Dear Cupid that users would like to see improved.
Regards
Waz
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female
reader, DiovanLestat + ♥, writes (21 June 2008):
Yep I've been wondering about these missing posts, I started to think I was crazy and starting to see things. Somebody asks a question, you answer and then one day every trace of the post disappears.... Poof, gone just like that.
I personally have my own theories about what happens to these posts and am currently investigating the possiblity of a Bermadua Triangle or Twilight Zone.
PS: Please remember who I am, no matter what happens, cause I'm afraid that I too might disappear just like that.
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female
reader, Minelisse  + ♥, writes (21 June 2008):
 Hi there...
I actually agree with a lot of the things you say in this Manifesto. LOL However, being judged or ridiculed is not what the questioners come here for, I do believe they get that at home and that's why they come here (there are, of course, also the fake posts that I don't even bother to look at).
I have seen a lot of your answers and I believe a lot of them are good, maybe sarcastic, ways to tell people what your view is on the subject but nonetheless VERY good. Some of them are not even sarcastic and those are very good too!! LOL However, when you shift from being sarcastic about what you feel is going on to being sarcastic and offensive, then you are not really helping the poster... you are just venting your frustration on a lot of difficult things we might encounter here... and then the moderator has to choose between your venting and the posters "well being".
I mean... the one with the woman who feels neglected because her partner is going to AA after jail for example... I understand how YOU think is not a good alternative to date a guy in prison, but this is not YOUR choice, it is HERS. And that needs to be respected, I believe. As soon as your answer hits the: "Now given the digital age we live in, my question is, in what format and resolution would you like me to paint you a picture in?" you lost me. And you can see that on the posters defensive update she is saying: "I'm trying to understand my feelings, and trying to get past them." She only wanted to see peoples views on her feeling abandoned by the partner (whether he is an ex con or not).
In conclusion, I feel you have great advice to give and are a very wise man. I like your sarcasm and on the edge way of saying back out or hang on... but, when you just get infuriated by what was posted and blatantly disrespect the poster and offer no real suggestion, I have to agree on not posting them!
Good luck!
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reader, Sophia_Sweetheart +, writes (21 June 2008):
 I haven't been on here long, about a fortnight, but I have read some of your answers. I think people appreciate the truth and they should come here to get honesty, not be told what they're doing is right when it's often not! So although you may feel some people look down on you, sweetheart, a lot of people do like your answers. I do.
As you said, what would be the point in wrapping all your answers in cotton wool? But you've got to do it in a way that's respectful of their feelings as far as you can, because they need help and not to be offended.
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