A
female
age
41-50,
*uartzKitty
writes:I am openly, and proudly, bisexual, and I make no apologies for that.I have recently started to become involved with a woman, which is nothing unusual for me. What IS unusual, however, is that she has a kid, a 6 year-old son. The father is still involved in his son's life, and that is commendable, as it allows him to have both parents.I've never wanted children myself. I do not dislike children, I just have never desired to be a mother. But, I really like this woman, and I think we can have a future together. It's just my inexperience with children, and lack of interest in being a parent, that is the problem.I've had no experience with young children, outside of a cousin I saw 3 times a year at most.I love my partner, and I like her son, but I don't really want to be a mom. It seems unfair to me to be involved with her and not be a part of her son's life as well.I like this relationship. It's one of the most promising I've had, and I don't want to end it. However, I also can't reconcile her and her son's needs with my own. Does anyone have advice on how I can make this situation work?And please, NO anti-gay comments. You will be ignored.
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female
reader, QuartzKitty +, writes (12 October 2009):
QuartzKitty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo far, the relationship is going along well. I've dealt with it by essentially acting as an aunt. I am involved in her son's life, and I speak up in private when I think my girlfriend is being too hard on him, but I make an effort to never undermine her authority, and she and her ex-husband handle the discipline if need be (which is rare. He's a good kid.) He understands that I am not a mother, and I don't act as one (he calls me by my first name). It's a very clear definition of roles going on.
She and I are not living together as of yet, but if things continue to go well, we may move in together eventually. She's just recently come out as bisexual herself, and I am her first relationship with a woman, so it's a lot to deal with for her as well.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 September 2009):
 It is going to be hard to "ignore" the fact that she has a child. They are a package deal for sure.
It doesn't mean you have to "play" mom all of a sudden, HE has a mom already. You would be "mom's" partner.
Last but not least, the CHILD will always come first. Can you handle that?
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A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (11 September 2009):
 I have no experience with parenting, but I have known plenty of kids in my life and have had decent relationships with them. I haven't ever really wanted children of my own, and so I haven't gotten involved with anyone who already has them. It's just a personal preference. If I wanted kids, that would be another matter. The bottom-line is, I think, that you don't really want kids. Your gf has one, so if you want to continue being with her, you are going to be a part of her kid's life. If you can't get your head around that fact, then it's really time to move on. Otherwise, you'll end up resenting the kid and having fights with your gf which will end the relationship anyway.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (11 September 2009):
 you cant make it work she has a son you dont want to be involved with. this womans child is her first responsibility you come second.I believe in hetero sexual relationships because there's a natural hierarchy its man woman then child, in a female female relation ship the woman will be on equal footing but since this woman has a child you loose your in last place."I am openly, and proudly, bisexual, and I make no apologies for that." you seem very arrogant and defensive telling us that has nothing to do with your question and one should never be proud we should always be thankful Pride is taking the glory that belongs to God alone. there is no need for apologies in the first place there's no authority on Earth that can truly judge you"I've never wanted children myself. I do not dislike children, I just have never desired to be a mother"you may be confused about what your role to this child is, your a friend of this childs mother and thats it. the child cant have two mothers you cant be an equal in his eyes."I also can't reconcile her and her son's needs with my" own. thats an absolute statement, "but I don't really want to be a mom. It seems unfair to me to be involved with her and not be a part of her son's life as well." your rite and its impossible.You need to acknowledge what you know and that is this woman is not rite for you and it would be selfish and unhealthy for everyone involved for you to pursue someone thats incompatible with you.
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