A
female
age
30-35,
*uddlybear
writes:Hi im looking for some advice, I don't want any hateful comments as this is hard enough. I have two children 5 and 3, im no longer with their dad and have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year. He is perfect, he adores my children and we have planned out our whole future together.We always said that we both were against having any more children as he wants to focus on us giving my two children the best life possible, and that if we were ever in a situation where I fell pregnant, the only option for us would be abortion, we were adamant it would just be my two kids, hes even buying a house for us all to live in. My decision for not wanting another baby was also because mydaughter is allergic to sunlight and theres a 50/50 chance it could happened to another child of mine.However, we had sex, the condom split, I went to the Drs and got the morning after pill which I was told is 99% effective during that week I went and asked about getting the coil, the nurse said I would have to wait until the effects of the morning after pill wore off, to make sure I wasnt pregnant, we refused to have sex after that until I had the coil fitted, incase the condom split again, however I took the routine test before getting the coil and i'm 3 weeks pregnant.I feel like my life is over, my boyfriend is in a complete mess, we both work but hes struggling to even go to work, he just cries all the time and stresses that this wasnt what we wanted. Its very difficult for me as hes such a happy person, always positive and sees life as an amazing thing, i hate seeing him life this.Although I never ever wanted another child, the thought of aborting it, now its growing inside of me, is a decision I am really struggling with, I feel although that it would be one hell of a struggle to raise another child on the little money I have, I feel I'd never forgive myself for aborting it. I feel disgusting, I know how much he doesnt want a baby, hes confused as to why id even consider keeping it as I really have always stressed id never have another. He feels as if this will ruin his life and our future plans, hes being so supportive and is being there for me 100%, but I know this is killing him and I just dont know what I want to do.I can see how much this is hurting him, he talks to me but struggles to even look at me, I worry if I keep this baby, our relationship will fall apart, he always hugs my stomach when we lie in bed and now that im pregnant, ive noticed he doesnt do it. I'm so scared to lose him, he has literally changed mine and my childrens lives for the better and he really is the most amazing man ever.I'm not even sure if I want this baby, I know realistically its not the right time... it's not what we wanted, but its a baby and I feel awful for even considering not keeping it? Why isnt this baby as important as my other two? why should I just kill it because the birth control failed?I have nothing against abortion, I just don't know if its the right thing for me? i'm not sure if I kept this baby would I be doing it just out of guilt? i'm not sure what my question is, I just would like some advice or opinions or peoples stories on abortion and options? I just keep crying every day i feel so alone and confused. I only have until friday to decide as that is when my appointment is.Adoption isnt an option, my family wouldnt approve, they wouldnt even approve of abortion, but they wouldnt need to know about that.
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abortion, condom, money, want a baby Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (18 August 2015):
Pregnancy counselling would be a great idea to help you decide on what you want to do with someone non judgemental who can see the situation from a non biased point of view. Google BPAS for more information or ask your GP. Good luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): Why don't you read this page http://www.thanksabortion.com/ ? Positive stories about abortion- considering the huge amount of negative stories about abortion, it's a good place to start seeing that abortion could be another option in life (not an easy one -of course-)Or this one too! http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Had-An-Abortion/1527702When you think about it, menstruation (something you cannot stop nor you do voluntarily) and masturbation (in the case of sperm- and something you DO do voluntarily) could also be considering "killing" a "potential-to-be a baby". It's not, of course.I know this is against your values, that you probably wouldn't forgive yourself. And when I think about it for myself, I struggle with it too. I really do (I'm not a mom YET, just so you know, for context). But you know what would help me, a LOT? The love and support of my partner. A pregnancy should be a happy notice for both (with all the difficulties that come along). That's why it's important for us (women) to enjoy the experience (as much as we can!). A woman should enjoy her pregnancy (and the pain that comes with it too, hahaha!). You should not be suffering becuase of it. We are the ones going throught 9 months with a baby inside developing. Us women should have a baby when we want it. The times we want it. It's our body afterall.Not only that, but raising a kid is a lot of work. A LOT.The one thing I really do urge you to think for yourself is:DO NOT DO this thinking "If I don't do this, it'll ruin HIS life". DO NOT. I can already see that would cause A LOT of trouble in the relationship if you keep thinking like this and you choose abortion.And DO NOT DO this out of guilt. Do it for YOU. For what's best for YOU in this situation. For your mental health. Consider raising another kid. Consider also your economic and emotional situation. Consider that you are also mother of another 2 children. If you are prepared for another child, in body and in mind, despite the situation, go for it. But you already said you don't want another child. And that if you kept it, it would be out of guilt. That would be a TERRIBLE decision. Please think very carefully about this.Maybe you can go counselling after choosing abortion. IF you choose abortion. That only depends on you and only you. ONLY YOU.Please, keep us informed!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): Goodness me, life takes some interesting turns doesn't it?! If I were you, I personally would consider aborting it. You've just said that neither of you want it and that money is tight. Think of it this way - you currently have a bunch of cells inside you, a potential life (not a guaranteed life). Would you rather bring an unwanted child into the world which you feel may not receive the quality of life you want for it, or would you rather have it and see what happens? I'd talk to your partner about his thoughts, and be brutally honest with each other. I suppose another option is to have the child and then put it up for adoption, or to revise your plans for the future. I wish you all the very best, you're coping incredibly well :) good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2015): Therapy and quick. If you can't afford it and couldn't give it up for adoption, it's not best for the foetus or your two children.
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