A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I have been seeing my other half for around 6 months now. Everything is great between us however he has a female friend he has know for 20 years she is just a friend and married herself ect. However she is driving me mental now she mails or texts him daily all the time and my bf always shows me the mails or texts and am like okay nothing in it, I do trust him and can see the interaction always begins with her. I know this sounds petty but I have noticed anytime my other half posts about me she blanks the post but everything else comments or hearts.She posted a photo of them from ages ago saying mine mine mine friend off course. With a laughing face and heart. Then mailed my other half saying oh I hope I haven't upset her. Which again he let me see the mail right away and didn't respond to the question. I know it sounds so petty but I'm getting a little like erm I know you have known him longer ect. He has a gf now and respect the boundaries love. How would she feel if I started mailing her husband 20x a day? I'm sure she woild have plenty to say. My other half has said if I want him to stop replying or take her off social media he will as she's just a old mate that he's known for 10 years. It's not a big deal to him. Yeah I would but at the same time I don't want to come across as controlling or immature can I also point out there's 17 years between me and him, I'm a lot younger than him and her. So I don't want to come across as immature to him. I just dony know why she gets under my skin. Just also point out he has many friends male and female and they don't bother me at all, but there's just something that doesn't sit right with me about her. I don't know should I just say yes help her she obv needs your help, or no there's boundaries she's crossing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2020): In a nutshell this women knows exactly what she is doing. No matter what,the bottom line is as others have pointed out she's obviously not happy she ain't No1 anymore. Of course she's going to want to see you gone.
So it is your choice let it get to you, or ignore it and walk away?
You live in the US I'm sure there are other single guys out there if you want out of this.
Sounds to me though he is doing everything for you, being honest and putting you first.
You have a honest guy who is transparent with you. I say appreciate him and forgot everything else outside. They aren't in your relationship, he has chosen you! Remember that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2020): I think you are overestimating your value with regards to this woman.You are a six-month newbie.They have a longstanding history of friendship whereas you can have offered little more than sex and friendship so far.Plus they have a lot of other friends in common.And finally she is married.Quite possibly she knows more about your man than you do and they have a history of shared connections.Suggesting "move along love" is obviously rather premature.She may even be top of the guest list if he eventually settles down and ties the knot with you.But I don't think you will because you would appear to be totally unsuited.He intends to keep his friends and you sense this.He has paid lip service to you . Because it's most likely he will just transfer all his friends to another account or he will just end the relationship with yourself if you complain more.No hard feelings there of course because you are a new person into the group and group loyalties tend to last.I suggest you enjoy it while you can.I don't see that you have any right to control who he communicates with.If you have already gotten pregnant you have a valid reason to expect him to be in your life for at least another 18yrs but it is early days in that respect as well.Ideally you want to be with someone who always makes you feel comfortable and cared about but human nature is very diverse.If you started mailing her husband 20 times a day it would be weird and inappropriate.You don't know this guy from any previous time and not are you married to your guy.So your situation is entirely different to how you perceive it to be.However, you shouldn't need to be apologetic for being young or immature.Amongst a more similar age group you would be totally normal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2020): "My other half has said if I want him to stop replying or take her off social media he will as she's just a old mate that he's known for 10 years. It's not a big deal to him. Yeah I would but at the same time I don't want to come across as controlling or immature can I also point out there's 17 years between me and him, I'm a lot younger than him and her."
He has offered to stop responding if you want him to. Then ask him to. Issue resolved! Otherwise, you're pretentious; and being dishonest about not wanting him to stop responding. It's obvious you do, or he wouldn't have offered!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 October 2020):
He is trying to be "transparent" with you about his friendship with her, which I think is good, but I think you ought to tell him that you DO NOT need or want to be updated on what she posts or says because 1. you trust him and 2. she is no one to you. I would ALSO point out that he doesn't NEED your approval to cut down on the contact or even block this woman. It is HIS friendship, HIS boundaries. I always find it a bit strange that he thinks YOU should make that choice FOR him. He is a GROWN ass man!
I think what really gets you going is that she is obviously a bit jealous of you, because you are now the most important female in your partner's life. She might have felt SHE used to be. And obviously, she is both territorial and somewhat needy.
I find it a little odd that your BF is so into showing you her posts, comments etc., mainly the ones about you. Is he enjoying the drama? Just a little?
She is no big deal to your relationship. Don't make her part of the equation. Don't BE the 3rd wheel.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (18 October 2020):
 This woman makes your hackles rise because you allow it. She is trying to mark her territory against a new - and younger - female on the patch. She has known your boyfriend for a long time so feels entitled to do this.
What "help" does she need from your boyfriend? She is married so her husband should be her first port of call for "help", not a male friend.
Honestly, in your shoes, I would just ignore her. Tell your boyfriend you are not really interested in seeing her messages. You know deep down you have nothing to worry about. Just ignore her and concentrate on your relationship. She can only unsettle you if you allow it.
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