A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am married happily. I am friends with one of my husband's sisters unfortunately we don't live in the same area at present, b/c we get on so well. When we go for a visit naturally we spend some time hanging out with her and her closest friends. There is this one friend, and he is always stand-offish/stuckup in the beginning, which doesn't bother me so much, but after a while he usually does start talking to me. The first time I met him at a party and went out for fresh air he found me and we chatted for quite some time, it was personal stuff that we spoke of but not like sex or something, which is to say not inappropriate stuff but just personal and I felt relaxed which is rare b/c at this point he was a stranger. After a while it was bordering on me starting to feel quite strange and then luckily someone came out.Then on another occasion, I am back for a visit and he always comes along or almost always when I meet with hubbie's sister. He's rather rude at first as per his usual costume, so I talk to the others and try and be nice ya know, and after a while he starts talking to me then mostly just me as usual, then he starts talking about visiting us he gets quite into it for a bit (hubbie's sister won't allow it she said he'd get in trouble lol) but as per custume he usually starts to flirt and make me feel strange after a bit. On this occasion he was hinting he wanted to dance (but I can't really dance and I sort of think since I don't dance with my husband it'd be weird for me to do it with another man) and telling me I look nice and then when were walking together I was sandwiched b/w him and my hubbie he's talking in my ear very quietly not to my husband anymore but in my ear you know breath just shy of lips close and then all of a sudden he wraps his arm around my waist and walks off guiding me leaving my poor husband standing there and he is still whispering in my ear and he even touches my butt, my husband didn't say anything (may be he does see its dark) and I was embarrassed. My husband is not the type to show jealousy and with some people he's not jealous of no matter what. But this guy always get a little overly friendly after a while. What's up with this? We are thinking of moving to the area so I may see him more how friendly is he going to get? I am shy so maybe this is normal and I don't know it and I don't know him that well so it could be his norm. Do you think he might just want to talk to me, b/c he does open a lot with me? I should add that there is chemistry there on my end at least who knows on his, but I trust myself and love my hubbie and I am not like stupid, I am not going to get drunk around him or go off by myself with him. But what do you guys think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): It sounds like your husband trusts you, and you both have good communication that he can be open with his feelings; that is great.
I get the sense that you and your husband are pretty accepting people, and that people in general may take advantage of this. It is hard to tell what people think, and like this friend, he maybe getting the wrong message. Not that you or your husban have done anything wrong, it is just this guy doesn't understand your thinking, personality or culture, in otherwords, your maturity may not be easily understood, or another way of putting it, your acceptance of others as they are.
I think we all must act immediately when others invade our space or hurt our feelings. Overtime, we forget about the incident, but there is a build up that will later have ill effects on us. Best I think to put the hand up and stop the action or advance.
This is only an opinion of mine, and we all must feel comfortable in how we handle situations. The above is what I try to do, because I've seen what happens when I don't, people can get the wrong impression of me when I don't act, for they in a way are testing what they can and can't do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, I will be careful in the future and should he cross any lines next time do my best to tell him so and be firm so he'll understand. I can say that I have not in my mind reciprocated I've spoken to him same with the others, but I don't touch him wouldn't dance with him and so on, but people often invade my little space bubble and that's where I tend to not do much. I was in shock with the butt thing so nothing came out of my mouth as it should have, I think I just got stiff and quiet the way you sometimes do. You may be right about my husband but in the past he has always spoken to me later and expressed his jealousy as opposed to acting out in the heat of the moment (he also trusts me, he laughed hilariously when a guy told me I was beautiful and I totally blew him off) and he never said anything about this guy. So I don't know if b/c he knows him so well he realizes nothing would happen (my husband is trusting) or if he was secretly expecting me to do something or if he had a moment of obliviousness b/c he is spacey or if he is just really confident that I won't let anything go too far. I am not sure, but I do have social probs and trouble relating/understanding people so. Thanks though XD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): First, it sounds like your husband feels it is up to you to make the right decision, and he would feel uncomfortable stepping in and breaking it up, though he may want to, but may fear retaliation from you; because you feel you can take care of yourself? (I would do the same thing as your husband, and my response is why).
This friend seems to be dangerous. He is so arrogant to act the way he does when your husband is present, it tells me he feels he has an open invitation to pursue you. So either you or your husband needs to step in and correct this guy, and push him back to his corner.
If you move closer, this may give this guy a signal that you both made it easier for him on purpose to see you more.
I feel this guy to be dangerous.
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A
female
reader, ortie  +, writes (4 May 2008):
hi he may have picked up that you like him in some way and is testing the water,if you feel uncomfortable with what he does tell him gently that you dont want him that close or doing certain things.he proberly does feel at ease with you and he is just a touchy feelie person.you need to work out if that is what you want or do you want him to be like that with you
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