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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I recently had a conversation with a guy online and he kept asking me for my email address and I told him that we just started chatting. The other guys get mad if you don't have Yahoo messenger or Skype. I'm tired of these guys getting mad at me and I was willing to let him go and told him that I was trying to be careful. They mention on dating sites not to give out personal info to anyone and other members want to chat offline. For a minute he was silent and I waited for a response and he says he is not into games. I told him I wasn't playing games and I asked for his number so he said when we get to know each other better. I pointed that out to him that even he was being cautious. Well he told me that he is divorced due to infidelity. I told him that my marriage fell apart and he apologized. He did mention too that he is a soldier and he seems very fit and very strong. He asked me if I thought he had bad intentions and I didn't know what to say except that I am just being careful. I gave hima fake email address(my old one which isn't active)I wanted him to give me his so he did and then I felt guilty so I told him that I would give him the new one. I registered a new one so he wouldn't get mad at me for giving him a fake one. I actually have a main email that I didn't want him to have so I will give him the one I just registered. Did I do the right thing? I already felt like he was pressuring me and he said in his profile no pressure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2013): I didn't contradict myself OP, it is okay to be ruthless.
Just because you cut someone off because you don't like what you see or where something is going doesn't mean it's a good idea to be flaky and change your mind every five minutes.
"hey I expect that kind of response from a man."
Very nice attitude to have from you there if you ask me. If that's how you approach dating then best of luck, we're not some kind of enemy trying to battle you and in case you haven't noticed it's men you're trying to date, so perhaps try not to dismiss my perspective out of hand as me being "just a man".
I wasn't attacking you either like AuntyEm suggested, I was attacking your attitude and approach, I don't know you but if you treated me that way while dating I wouldn't want to either. You say you're not playing games, then why give him a fake email? Why ask for his number then when he refuses you give him a fake email address? Kind of a revenge scenario there it seems. If that's not game playing then what is?
Do you know what it means to us guys when we get fake details? You ever been given a fake number you called etc? It means the woman isn't interested but just doesn't have the balls to tell you so, so how does it look to give fake details?
OP how is it him pressuring you for an email and it's not pressure, you asking twice for his number? You know? It's like you see one rule for you and another for men, it's pressure when he asks you but not the other way around.
All I did was give you my point of view, not a man's point of view we're all different, I just so happen to be male.
You see OP if you look closely at my post there were some points which you should consider but you just don't care because I'm a man, what would I know, is your attitude.
It's very easy to be safe and secure online without contradicting yourself like you did trying to get his number but then flaking on the email. Guess what, you asking him for his number kind of opens the door for him to ask for an email don't you think?
Look if you want to think I'm just some kind of "stupid man" with a poor attitude go ahead. but if you keep being this flaky then the only guys who will bother with you are the creeps. Because we too have to be cautious OP and the first sign of a time waster is someone who can't make up their mind, or changes it, or gives us fake details. I wouldn't see that as you being cautious, I'd see that as game play.
A woman who asks me for my number more than once even though I refused but I agree to swap emails instead and she gives me a fake one. What do you think that says, OP?
Anyway best of luck, I do hope things work out for you. All I'm saying and all I meant was that there are better ways of going about this without thinking men are to blame or that you couldn't do certain things to improve your chances. Date in whatever way makes you feel safe and happy, but I repeat just be consistent and confident. Stop second guessing yourself and at least try to know how you want things to go and stick to your game plan. OP inconsistency is game playing in my mind. And in my mind caution starts before you even attempt to do the online dating thing, you should have all your safety protocols in place already and have no need to worry and be inconsistent. It's not hard at all.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (5 September 2013):
 Online dating is not the best place to meet someone for a lasting relationship. There are a lot of perverts and creeps on the sites and they know just what to say to intimidate you into giving personal information.
I disagree with Cerberus, I don't think you were playing games, I think you were being cautious and there is nothing wrong with that. Online for women is very very different than for men and I think Cerberus just wanted to attack you because a lot of men think it should be the womans responsibility to figure everything out...men don't like to take responsibility for their actions.
This guy is just separated, those are not the best guys to even talk to because they are often bitter or frustrated and they can easily be on the rebound.
Be responsible for your own safety and if someone gets to pushy, use the delete button because if they can't be respectful and pleasant at the beginning...then it does not bode well for any futher contact.
I agree you should make a separate e-mail account that you can just use for dating.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (5 September 2013):
 You don't know this guy, you don't know anything about him.
It doesn't matter what he's told you, it was over the internet he could be absolutely anyone.
You've just met and he's pressurising you for actual e-mail addresses but not keen for you to have details of his.
He claims he's a soldier, his photo looks "fit" if it is his photo.
I'm very sceptical here and alarm bells are ringing big style for your safety and happiness.
Why couldn't he have been happy messaging you via the site you were on? This man sounds worrying.
Block him and move on.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (5 September 2013):
 OP, just a second. His marriage broke down to infidelity? Was he unfaithful? If yes, burning red flag and step away.
With online dating, I see no need to exchange email addresses prior to meeting. I can understand Skype (make sure they look like their photos, for one thing!), but bear in mind that many men ask to Skype for less than honourable reasons.
Why don't you just meet him? (In a safe place). You can't get to know someone through email, IM, or even Skype. You end up building up a caricature of what you'd like them to be like.
I think once you've established some basic info (like the infidelity issue), you should meet for a coffee and then, if you get on, exchange email addresses, phone numbers, etc.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus you contradicted yourself. You said it is alright
to be ruthless but yet you said I was duplicitous. When I h
asked him for his number he stated that we should get to know one another better and I backed off. He kept pressuring me
even when he said he wouldn't. But it's fine because he has
already emailed me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis guy is around my age in his late forties. He already sent me a nice email. So I guess it is going okay so far.
To Cerberus, I am not paranoid and I am not up to date with
all the new things like Skype and I mentioned that I do have
a seperate email account. You also say I'm being deceitful and it was alright for this man to pressure me and not give
me his email? I had to ask twice! It works both ways, but
hey I expect that kind of response from a man. That's okay because I got what I wanted. And if I wasn't ready to do
online dating I wouldn't be on the site.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): OP he told you he doesn't like games yet you're playing them.
Want some advice from a man? Be assertive, take control, make a decision and stick to it and stop being so flaky.
A good man, one who is interested in more than you helping him get off online or meeting up for casual sex will 100% respect a woman who is cautious, safety conscious and requires that we prove ourselves to them.
What we don't respect is one who is flaky, fake, or one who is too paranoid.
OP it's good to be safety conscious but you're just being paranoid and not smart about this.
Why have you not got a completely separate, non-identifiable email for dating? Why have you not used that to create a "dating skype" account, or other such contact program?
You see you're being duplicitous here, you ask him for his number yet you balk at the idea of giving him an email address?
I'd have deleted you straight away and be done with you, remember you do have to accommodating too as there are other options for us online.
He's not pressuring you OP, but you know what if you feel pressured by him just get rid, onto the next one no big deal. It's okay to be ruthless you know.
It sounds to me like you're just not prepared to take the next step in online dating, which is chatting more personally OP. For some reason you seem to think you'll get enough info from your messages on the dating site or something and you're scared in case they turn out to be creeps. Guess what it's not just women who have to be cautious in online dating, we have to make sure the woman isn't using fake details, or a Nigerian scam artist posing as a woman etc.
So we too want to move onto other more personal forms of contact and ways to get to know you.
OP creeps, sex pests etc. are all part of the game. Have a non-identifiable email/chat program/skype account and start getting to know potential suiters that way. Don't use a fake name, use a username like flowergirl or something. If they become too sexual too soon, turn out to be creeps, then block them and you're done.
If you can't handle that kind of attention or are too sensitive to it then maybe you shouldn't be dating online then.
OP believe it or not you eventually want to be able to chat face to face on skype. There is no safer way of getting to know someone online than seeing their expressions and their voice to gauge the person better.
Op you either want to get to know guys online or you don't, you can be safe without giving out any details. Just set everything up now, and be prepared.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (5 September 2013):
 Like Blonde30s said, Have an account that is for the dating site ONLY. And when you REGISTER this e-mail account - do not fill out ALL the details.
That way you can give one out IF YOU WANT TO, without having to feel guilty or without giving you your sense of security.
If you DO feel pressured, WHY keep going? Am I right in guessing that you are a people pleaser in general? That you don't like to make people mad or confront them?
If you feel pressured, tell them and if they don't back off - put them in your no-go pile.
If they DO back off, then good. Maybe when YOU feel comfortable YOU can decide what info they can have -e-mail, phone and so forth.
His profile said no pressure. Sure it did, because he KNOWS that no one likes to feel pressured, but his ACTIONS was to "steamroll you" into giving him an e-mail account.
SAFETY TIPS from Match.com
Protect your finances
Ignore any request to send money, especially overseas or by wire transfer - report them to the dating site if you run across a guy like that.
Guard your personal and online access information
Be careful about sharing other personal information, such as your full name, phone number, email and address. You are in control of your online dating experience at all times – remain anonymous until you feel ready. Take advantage of our member-to-member technology that protects your identity until you decide to reveal it through email or IM. Also, leave any personal contact information out of your profile or username.
Be Web Wise
Be wary of communications that ask you to act immediately, offer something that sounds too good to be true, or asks for personal information. There are certain red flags to watch for that may indicate you're dealing with a scammer. Be aware of anyone who…
Quickly asks to talk or chat on an outside email or messaging service Claims to be from U.S. but currently travelling, living or working abroad
Asks you for money
Vanishes mysteriously from the site, then reappears under a different name
Talks about "destiny" or "fate"
Claims to be recently widowed
Asks for your address under the guise of sending flowers or gifts
Makes an inordinate amount of grammar and/or spelling errors
Sends you emails containing strange links to third-party websites
The U.S. Federal Trade Commission's advice to avoid online romance scams is available here: http://onguardonline.gov/articles/0004-online-dating-scams
Be cautious and use common sense.
Block and report suspicious users
You can block and report concerns about any suspicious user anonymously from any profile page, email or IM window.
Additionally, please report anyone who violates our terms of use. Examples of terms of use violations include:
Asking you for money or donations
Married people or minors using the service
Members sending harassing or offensive emails/IMs
Members behaving inappropriately after meeting in person
Fraudulent registration or profiles
Spam or solicitation, such as invitations to call 1-900 numbers or attempts to sell products or services
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): You have to watch it, you give a guy an inch and he will push for a mile.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 September 2013):
 I guess you haven't met him in person at this point?
IF you do, make sure its in a public place, and that you arrive and leave under your own steam! It's definitely NOT recommended to give him your home address!
As blonde30s says, keep one email address strictly for dating sites - and of course, don't under any circumstances give him the one you have at home! - If he respects this and doesn't pressure you, still take it slowly.
If he DOES put pressure on you at any point (including after a time of taking things slowly) then cut all communication.
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