A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for two yearsrecently she's been being a bit distant, she tells me she's spending time with family/working on career/etc. which is all totally fine, because everyone needs time for themselves, but she's been seeing me a lot less than is usual for us. so I pointed out to her that while I understand that she needs time to herself and am not upset at all about it, I also would like to maintain our relationship.she first said "can we just play things by ear? like I'll call you if I have time to see you"maybe I screwed up but I didn't really like the sound of that, because to me it sounded like she's not prioritizing me at all. so I said that I would like to at least set some guideline, like we go on a date at least weekly or something. She initially said ok to this, but later on she and I were talking again and she finally said "you know, I wonder if we should take a short break, you know, like a couple of weeks."I decided maybe I need to agree to this, putting pressure on her won't help the situation, so I said ok, but that we needed to define the parameters - can we see other people, etc. She said she doesn't want to see anyone else and just wants a little time away to miss me. obviously I wasn't happy about it but I said ok, but we decided to finish the rest of the day together that we'd already planned - eating out and such.later on she sorta backpedaled and said "maybe we can think about if we need a break over the weekend..I'll call you on monday and let you know either way. maybe also in the meantime we could think about the things that we each see as wrong in the relationship and what we can each do to work on it. we should write stuff down so that when we see each other again, either next week or later, we can have a real serious talk about how we can make this work." I said this sounded good and that I'd wait to hear from her on monday.she never did call on monday.I am confused because she seems like she isn't sure of herself. on one level she seems to want to stay with me and work it out, on the other hand she seems to want the door open for her to basically do whatever she wants. she did say "I'll call you either way" and so I'm bothered that she didn't. I feel like even if she wants to dump me fully she at least owes me the courtesy of saying so??...I think the best thing I can do at this point is to just stay silent for "a couple weeks" like she originally said, and then maybe try to call her and see what's up... what do you guys think?
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2013): At this point my g/f is acting the same way. She's avoiding me and making up all kinds of escuses not to see me. I say 'Good Riddens'. If she doesn t think I'm important enough to put away time for me then ofcourse I'm not going to waste my time trying to see her.
Thats the mindset you need. If she wants time to think, give her all the time in the world. In the meantime, move on. That line about not calling until she calls is bs. Thats not how relationships works. She wants to break up but is too coward to be upfront with it. I wouldn't do her dirty work for her either. Just move on, she'll figure it out herself sooner or later.
A
female
reader, jadedpearl +, writes (26 June 2013):
 I think the relationships is pretty much done with. i have been in the exact same situation where I acted just like your girlfriend. I avoided him as much as possible, made up excuses not to see him. She just does not want to flat out say that she wants to end the relationship, she might be wanting you to get so tired of her bs that you'd crack and be the open to break up with her. Thats how girls act at that age. Stupid and immature I know, but we eventually learn how to do it and in an appropriate way, respectful way.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 June 2013):
No contact till she contacts you! If that's never, so be it, move on. It sounds like you guys are having compatibility problems, so that may not be such a bad thing.
You're at risk of pushing her away so I'd seriously go with no contact.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 June 2013):
 I think you have walked around egg-shells enough. I would call her and talk. Preferably find a day she can be "bothered" to see you face to face and talk abut what's up.
Sounds to me like she is done with the relationship but doesn't have the "balls" to dump you.
Her idea of lists of what is wrong in the relationship can work, up to a point, and that point if BOTH of you want to work on stuff. Obviously if she brings it up SHE isn't happy either.
So see if you can get her to met up so you two can talk and go from there.
...............................
|
