| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I'd really like some advice. I'm a single parent with a 3 year old son and have spent most of the last three years on my own. About 3 months ago though I was asked out by 2 men at the same time - totally different from each other. One, Gavin was very good looking, sucessful and a single parent who lives about an hour from me. The other, Phil, I work with and is average looking and 12 years older than me (I'm 38) and separated from his wife who he has three children with about a year ago. I found it difficult to decide between them because Phil has alot of complications in his life such as he has just moved out from his ex wife's house and she is now with a woman. He is very stressed and upset for the kids and they have a very complicated child care arrangement but there was far more of a connection with him and more of an attraction. Eventually I started sleeping with Phil which was a big deal for me as I have only slept with one other man in the past three and a half years and told Gavin it was over. However, things weren't good in bed between me and Phil. After being so long without sex I really wanted it to be right, but we slept together four times and every time he came really quickly and didn't try to satisfy me. He was really upset that he came so quickly but didn't seem to realise that he could still have satisfied me. In addition, he snored so badly that each time either he or I ended up moving to my spare room in the night. The last time we slept together, I'd had a few drinks and I was insensitive to him (I realise that his wife being with another woman must be making him feel terrible) and said that he wasn't trying to satisfy me. This made him feel that it was like history repeating itself as he couldn't satisfy his wife (obviously as she was gay). I tried to say that it wasn't his performance but that he could have continued to touch me etc. Anyway, he has decided to cool things while he is settling into his house and is so busy. He feels that the cause of the problem is that we couldn't spend enough time together due to our situations and his moving house and that if we'd met a few months later things would have been different. So, I think we're going to wait and see what happens in the future when he has more time. I wish I'd been more sensitive and don't know what to do now as I really like him and we get on really well. It all seems such a shame and I wish we'd waited before sleeping together. I don't know whether to leave him alone at the moment and if we do ever sleep together again in the future - how to handle it and how to deal with his snoring!! Tania
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2006): Eyes...that was so beautiful in its simplicity and sincerity. *hugs*
I say that you need to apologize to him. Just like how you stated things here.
I think you have to understand this side of things. He probably went with out sex for some time...and good sex. Being with a woman who turned out to be a lesbian must have had her being verbally and emotionally abusive to him. His ego and self esteem must have taken a mightly blow.
So here he is, having a woman that is wanting to give of herself and as much as he hopes he is a good lover; he cannot hold back as it is just so exciting and unbelieveable. It can come across as uncaring and insensitive.
I say...give him time when it comes to the bedroom. Then begin to explore together. Teach him where to touch and then tell him when he does something you really like...more of that please, yes there...
Snoring.
My BF snores and it is something that hasn't ever bothered me as I found it something cute to discover. I find it comforting. It's when he stops snoring that I wake up and wonder if he is alright. Snoring...he is a 6' 2" man in height and has amazing arms, shoulders...he's a hottie. Snoring just seems vunerable to me. LIke a man can be so secure and so peaceful that he can zonk right out and snore.
My BF was insecure about it as he had complaints...and here I am...loving it. He thinks I am amazing because of it. I just love him and accept him and snoring is such a small thing to worry over.
If Phil is a good man, loving, attentive, has a desire to listen to you...WOW...snoring is next to nothing.
I say, send him a letter telling him how you came to fall for him and how much you miss him.
Apologize and tell him you would like to see him for a bit over the Holidays and just have some fun. Go sledding or for a winter walk. Talk, get to know one another.
Also, my BF was...a bit fast to finish...patience has given me a surprise; he's such an amazing lover!
Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 December 2006):
 My husband's snoring used to bother me, then there was a near tragedy. Now I think it's most beautiful and comforting sound in the world. I hope to never sleep without it.
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