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They say nice things but they won't date me

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Question - (30 July 2016) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 July 2016)
A male United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I'm a 19 year old African American in college. I've been single my whole life because no girl will give me a chance. They'd rather date some idiot who'd cheat on them in the next 2 minutes over a guy who would actually care for them. Multiple times a girl I was interested in would say "you're sweet" or "you're cute" stuff like that, but yet they still won't date me. I hear girls say all this stuff about what they want in a guy or what they are looking for in a guy, stuff that I am yet they go with the exact opposite. Its frustrating and aggrivating because then they complain and wonder why the guy treats them so bad. A girl who I was friends with for a long time who meant the world to me I fell for. She knew and said that she liked me too and she'd give me a chance, she just had to think about it first. Sure enough a few days later she said she didn't want to date me pretty much taking back everything she said. It's really discouraging when even the people you feel you have a chance with turn you down. Ever sense then I can't talk to her or even look at her because the thought of what happened that day and thought of her might being with someone else makes me feel depressed. Now before you say "oh you're a baby, you're trying too hard, etc." Know that I don't go every girl I see, Im on the shy side when it comes to meeting people, and I think personality goes over looks. I just need help in knowing why girls do this, not a long paragraph of insults. Please and thank you

View related questions: depressed, shy

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 July 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI think it's the "type" of girl you are going for that is the problem, not you.

A girl who goes for the "asshole" or the "bad boys" in not the girls you should go for. They don't want you, because they don't think they deserve you. And I think some of them actually believes that the more drama and crap they have to deal with the more "passion" there is.

Go for girls you ACTUALLY share things in common with. Be is hobbies, lifestyle, personality, etc.

I think it's very common that young people your age don't really know WHAT they want (boys and girls) and thus settle for people that are not a good fit.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (30 July 2016):

Denizen agony auntI honestly can't think of any reason. You sound intelligent and caring. I assume you are reasonable looking and take care of your personal appearance and hygiene. All I can think of is that you haven't met the right one yet. Perhaps you are fishing in the wrong pool. Tell me, why do you think it is?

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