A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy last winter. It was clear that we both had an instant connection to each other, but we were both in the middle of failed marriages, so we did not pursue anything. Instead, we started collaborating on work related projects. (Each of our businesses yield to that opportunity.) Low and behold, our work together became synergistic, but we always had this underlying tension between us. We occasionally flirted. A couple times, in the spring, the talk became inappropriate, and we drew the line. He started dating someone last spring and continues too. He generally seems very happy with her, which is great. We both shared similar outcomes from our divorces, but he was further ahead on the process than me, so it was uplifting to see a positive outcome for him. Despite this on-going platonic work relationship with him, I still occasionally experience weird interactions with him. Generally, they're benign hints of flirting. The other day, though, we were discussing changes on a project, and we looked at each other, eye to eye (which isn't that common because we're critiquing something we're looking at most of the time.) He was in mid-sentence and completely lost thought. I had to look away and gesture to what were discussing to get him back on track. The notion of this story made me laugh afterwards, but it also troubled me. I really enjoy working with him. The work is good. We obviously can't seem to shake this other connection, but we can't act on it either. I really want to respect the relationship that he's in, but his girlfriend clearly does not like me at all. She won't even acknowledge me in a room, and he makes an effort to not invite her to his office when I'm working there. I don't like this. I hate awkward social tension like this. I have no intention of causing drama. How do I proceed with this situation? I don't want to cause drama. I'm happy with the quality of work we produce together. I don't want to interfere with his relationship. I make an effort to not dress up when I go to meet with him. I don't respond to any flirtatious or suggestive comments. I keep correspondences relative to the work. However, it's abundantly clear that the tension is still there. Is there anything else I can do to keep this dynamic on a track towards a successful business relationship?
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male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (15 October 2015):
 You are acting quite properly. You can't be responsible for his girlfriend. That's her problem.
You could bring your concerns more out in the open with him, and stress that you just want a working relationship - if that is what you do want.
You see this is all about what you CAN do to make things better, not what you should stop doing.
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