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anonymous
writes: Will a 35 year old female marrying a 60 year old male make a successful marriage? Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): For those of you under 18 and in high school...
In many states it is illegal for you to be involved with anyone OLDER than 21, and if you are under 16, it is many times the case illegal to be involved with anyone over 18. These feelings you feel for these older guys, they ARE real, but they can put you and your partner in jail. The older party serves NO LESS than 5 years for statuary rape, and it goes on their record PERMANENTLY as a CHILD ABUSER. You and them may have made a deal not to tell, but you can sure as hell bet that one of your friends or classmates will tell someone. The younger party, if consenting (which you are because you're agreeing to have relations with the older party) will be sent to a juvenile detention center where they will be tried and labeled as a "troubled youth" until they reach the age of 18, which involves constant or frequent watch by the police and the parents, and usually strict curfews are enforced by law.
Now, for those of you of legal age, there is no reason why an age-gapped relationship would not work out. It may be a little awkward if you're under 21, and they're not, because you wouldn't be allowed to go out drinking with them, or have a glass of wine at a restaurant. But if the relationship is strong enough, stuff like that shouldn't matter. I am 18, and my boyfriend is 23, but the whole bars thing doesn't bother us. We really aren't that different, we are both in college (although I'm entering my 3rd year, and him his 6th). We are at similar points in our lives. I think what's important in a relationship with an age gap is to make sure that 1. you're at similar points in life, and 2. you are both okay with the age gap and it doesn't bother you. Now if you're not in the relative same point, it would be awkward. For example, how awkward would it be to try and sneak your 30 year old boyfriend into your Senior Prom? Very. And if the age gap bothers you or them too much, it probably won't work because the age gap will always be there. For my relationship, personally, the age gap doesn't even exist to us unless the people at the grocery store try and card me when he's buying alcohol, because they see that we are together. But that's just simple things that doesn't affect the relationship.
So, age is only an issue when you make it an issue. And don't worry about death too soon (in fact, don't worry at all, it stunts life's prosperity). Hey, I've read about people living past 120 years. Whose to say your wife won't? That's another 50 years together. We never know when we're going to die, but it's something we should only stress over when it comes around.
-Kat.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): i fell in love and married a women 17 years older than my self ,she had been married before and was a mother to 2 girls and a lad we have had our ups and downs like anyone else i was a 25 year old & she was 43 i had been engaged 3 times before to women as old and younger than myself ,the only downside i have found is after 28 years of happy marriage is time is against us i cannot bear to lose my wife who is now in her 70s it tears me apart i am a fulltime carer to her now ....and i only hope that my time is before hers ...some will understand what i am trying to say others will not .
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): I recently met someone who is a great deal older than myself.
I'll start by saying that beucase it's an inescapable fact.
I'm just about to turn 18, he's about double that.
When we met, I'd be lying if I asid that there was an automatic connection. I liked him, I thought he was interesting. We exchanged contact details and that was that.
A month or so later, we spoke on the phone and decided to spend some time together, it went well, we both went away, then we met up again and.. It felt different.
I don't think we'll be together. It's bad timing.
But, personally, there's nothing wrong with age gaps; as long as there's respect and understanding.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): HiI am 19 years old and my boyfriend is 30 (almost 31), we have been together for almost 3 years since i was 16 (almost 17). Of course i worried a lot about the age gap and i still worry about the future but I love him to bits. He acts younger and sometimes i act older than he does!He also got asked for ID once when i was only just 18 and I was with him and wasnt asked!!It has been hard, but to be honest all my friends have accepted it, and my family really like him! He is the only proper boyfriend ive had and i sometimes wonder about what id have been like if i wasnt with him, but im not the type of girl that would want to have as many partners as possible. He treats me great, and we have fun and that is important in any relationship. He doesnt always want to go clubbing but if i want him to come he will and when we do go clubbing it makes it a lot better than if we went all the time!! We have discussed the future, he doesnt have any children and although he has said that he would have liked to have children by the time he was 30, that never happened and ive always said i wanted kids in my early 20's and there are plenty of older dads out there! My cousin has just had a baby shes 39 and her husband is 50 but a very fit and young looking 50 year old.My boyfriends workmate is 23 and there is the same age gap between her and her husband as there is between us, and they have just got married!! so it can work and if u want it to it will!!xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008): im with my partner who is 51 this year im 27 we met when i was 21 i couldnt be more happy i love him 2 pieces ,we have a great sex life i stilll fancy him loads we get some funny looks when i feel his bum in the shops lol i think that the age gap bothers him more that me as he thinks ill run off with some 1 younger at the first sign of a pension no chance hes gorgeous x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): I am also currently debating an age gap situation. I'll admit, I'm pretty young, 16 years old and the guy I've potentionally have fallen in love with is 32 years old. We've flirted with each other on countless occassions, and he doesn't look at anyone else the way he looks at me. But I don't think either of us wants to cross the breach, and I wouldn't know how to break it to him. If anyone who's in a similiar situation could tell me what to do, that'd be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I am a 32 year old woman who recently started dating a 20 year old - he is very mature and I had no idea how old he was when we met, and feelings grew between us for several months before we began dating. We are both very happy together, but I am still concerned for the future as I always thought I would be settling down and having children in the next few years, but don't think it is fair to impose that on someone of his age, as he might end up resenting it. In many respects this is the only difficulty with our relationship, as we have well matched personalities and share alot of interests. It seems to me that many of these examples of relationships are between an older man and a younger woman - more traditionally acceptable in some senses. My sister is 11 years younger than her partner, and they are very happy together. I would be interested to know if people think that the age gap can work the other way round, with an older woman and a younger man?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): I am a 22 yr old female dating a 39 yr old man. It is a relatively new relationship, but I am head over heels for him. I think age is irrelevant, what is important is that you are both on the same mental wavelength. I am very mature for my age, while he has a childish side that I adore. Overall, its a great match. We have discussed kids and marriage, which I think are important topics of discussion. If you both want the same things out of life, as well as each other, I believe you can overcome any obstacle.
He has taught me a lot, and I have taught him as well. We have great communication and are very open with each other. I have never experienced a relationship where I have been so open and honest...it's fantastic.
I wish anyone and everyone in love all the best. Every relationship has its challenges, possibly May-December romances more than others. If you are open, honest and trust each other, anything is possible! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): I am 36 and in love with a 60 year old man. I could try to look elsewhere thinking i may find someone younger and thereby more suitable in that respect. But I have gotten to 36 and never found a man who makes me feel the way this man does. There is every chance i could go on looking for years. That would be a lot of wasted years during which time i could be spending happy with him. No one knows where life will lead, but i believe if it feels right it should be grasped with both hands and enjoyed whilst it can. Being the same age as your partner will not make you happy. Being in love with your partner will give you the strength and resilience to weather the bad times and to have the best times when times are good.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Hi i'm 19 nearly 20 and am seeing a 41 nearly 42 year old male. i asked my friends what they may think if i went out with someone older than myself and they didn't like the idea and all said he's a bit of a perv, but i don't think so. i love him and to me age is just a number not something we should use to stop us falling in love. nobody knows about us just yet because of the age gap.I just hope when we do tell people, that they will accept the fact that we love each other.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): I'm 39 and have just started seeing someone who's 20. Bizzarely, in my previous relationships I've usually been the youngest!! So far so good, although it's clear we have vast differences in experience. Sometimes it's hilarious! He's met some of my friends, but I'm dreading meeting his...but I will get over this. He is aware of my worries and we are talking about this. It would seem to me that as long as there is ongoing dialogue about how we feel about this, it should all be ok. I'm optimistic.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): My friend has confided in me that he is in a relationship with a 48 year old woman at work. But he is only just 19, I am not sure what advice to give him. He sees her virtually constantly and his work friends are starting to notice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): I am Glad, that i came here.
i like a man right now who just turned 32, and i am turning 18.
I kept telling myself, the age gap is so huge.
But who cares? age is just only a number..
and i couldnt really tell my friends how i feel about him.
But the feeling that i have for him, is really unstoppable.
i really do love him with all my heart, and we relate very well. we are 14 years apart, and at first it seemed ALOT of difference, but coming here really encouraged me to be more honest about how i feel.
We both have feelings for each other, but didnt really have the courage to ask each other out.
but i think it'll all be ok now.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): I am a 66 years old man. I am a medical doctor and still very active professionally in the international context. My female partner is 30. We have been together for 3 years now. We intend to get married, although I dread having to disclose our age to the Register Officer. I also feel embarrassed when we go to a hotel reception and request a room. When we first met I did not think about our age difference. It was fun and I did not think that our relationship was going to last. But we have developed a strong attachment and our sexual life is great. Before I met her I thought that I was at the end of my sexual life. Now, I feel that I am going to enjoy sex for the foreseeable future. But my son (aged 27) is totally against our relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): agree, age is the state of mind. i am 37 yrs, and just have met this guy who is 54, very young at heart, open to any discussions and suggestions. He makes me happy, and really enjoy his company. Age is just a number.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): I am a female and I my husband is 30 years older than me. He looks younger than he is and he is very young in his spirit. It is me who sometimes feels like 100 years old. My husband is my protector/defender,very clever, he has sense of humour, powerful, sociable,caring. He is like a father for me. I have never been attracted to young men. We are going to have a child. He has adult daughter who doesn't want to see him after his divorce with her mother and his step son doesn't want to see him. So his children do not bother me at all and I have never met them.Thanks God! I am going to be with my husband all my life and will never leave him. I am loyal woman, I have never liked any parties, do not need any friends so on...All I need is my husband and child and our dog Staffordshire-Bullterrier. I don't care what other people think of us. All his relatives think I am with him because of money but he is not rich at all. He had nice job in his past before I met him. But at the moment he doesn't.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): I am 40 yrs old and dating an almost 60 yr. old... he is the highlight of my life.. I love and respect him with all my heart! I want to be his wife and do all that I can to prove my love and devotion to him.. Karen K.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): i am in a shockingly similar situation and i say go 4 it. i know how you feel. x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): I am 20 years old and my partner is soon to turn 42. I suppose I came on this site to find out what other people are going through in similar situations. In mind, we are the same age. He is gorgeous, caring and we are very much in love, why should we throw that away because of a number? He has 3 children, one 2 years younger than myself, but we hope to have children in the near future. Age only matters to people who can't understand true and overwhelming love, and if you're happy, surely your friends and family should be happy for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): This is such a contraverial issue but I don't think age has much to do with it. I believe relationships are about maturity and human compatibility.
Here are a list of celebrities in age gap relationships proving that it's not "wrong" and can really work! (Search some of the names if you are not sure who they are)
Beyonce (26) & Jay-Z (38) [12years]
Katie Holmes (28) & Tom Cruise (44) [16years]
Demi Moore (44) & Ashton Kutcher (29) [15years]
Calister Flockhart (42) & Harrison Ford (64) [22years]
Kim Catrell (50) & Alan Wyse (27) [23years]
Adrianne Curry (24) & Chris Knight (49) [25years]
Geena Davis (51) & Reeza Jarrahy (36) [15years]
Panny Lancaster (35) & Rod Stewart (62) [27years]
Francesa Annis (62) & Ralph Fiennes (44) [18years]
Soon-Yi Previn (36) & Woody Allen (71) [35years]
Alice Kim (23) & Nicolas Cage (44) [21years]
Katie Lee Joel (25) & Billy Joel (57) [32years]
L'Wren Scott (39) & Mick Jagger (63) [34years]
Catherine ZetaJones(37) & Michael Douglas (62) [25years]
Jodie Brook Wilson (38) & Des O'Connor (75) [37years](They have been together for 17 years so far!!!??)
Bella Wright (22) & Pete Stringfellow(75) [43years]
Melania Knause (34) & Donald Trump (58) [24years]
Oona O'Neill (17) & Charlie Chaplin (54) [37years]
(Their marriage lasted 34 years!)
Heather Harlan (25) & Tony Randall (75) [50years]
Playboy Bunnies (20s)& Hugh Hefner (80) [60years]
Suddenly my 17 year age gap with my partner doesn't seem so bad..!?!
Are there any I left out and what do we think of these?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008): I really don't think age gaps matter, what matters is what the two of you share as a couple. My partner is nearly 13 years older than and I have never been as happy with anyone my own age as I am with him. OK so your age gap is bigger but it is the same kind of thing.I thought it would be really difficult at first and we would both be wanting different things, for example he would want to start a family where as I wasn't ready for that at the time, but he totally respects me and we work everything around what both of us want. Some of my family and friends don't approve of our relationship but I have learnt that it doesn't matter what other people think, if you are happy. Go with you heart, worked for me. Good luck, Enjoy! x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): I'm 21 and he's 42(divorced and has 2 kids from his x-wife and from this girl he met after the divorce)Pretty much a lot of backpack from his past...kinda big.We've met about 2 years ago.We work together.At first it was kinda scary to feel the picture because of the odds and everything.Before i met him,it was kinda hard for me to date or even to do something closer to that( i was too shy for the real whole deal or may be it took him to unlock my fears).but meeting him made all the differences beyond what i have ever expected my self to experience.He's fun,sweet,smart and very noticeably cute..lol(i'm serious though).we have had lots of fun together than i ever imagined me having.teh romance,the love,the jorney to this future we have planned is soooo awesome.
I have had people calling me names just cause i was shallow to let love in my life against all the odds.Most people think i'm after his money or that he's using me but in the hidden reality of our hearts,we are just two poeple sooo crazy in love.Yet,i won't deny that i get uncomfortable about his past and all since he's been there,done it,had kids and was married.I have not yet told my parents about it coz i know they would freak out so i'm keeping low profile and all.True..that i have never imagined myself in such a relationship but CE LA VIE.I have to take whatever life may hand me with and from it i'm trying my best(despite the problems) to fashion something good out of it on my own.I know that others may not understand this but i will keep right on doing what i should...that is ....keep loving my babe.
We didn't have sex yet(part of the reason..i'm very traditional that i wanna wait till we both settle down so that i wake up the next day and be in this place where we both call our home).He's very understanding,respectful and unbelievably loving that i do not regret not having any dates before i met him.He's all that and then freaking some.Ain't no age gap is gonna stop me from keeping my babe.
the best way to live it up in such relationship is to build that deeper bond between one other that no craps from the outside can shake the love in between.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): I'm 20 years old, my girlfriend is 37 (not that she acts like it, she is much more fun than any girl my age). Long story short, she is my best friends oldest sister who i have known for many years. She has 2 kids from her previous marriage, both of them i adore. Many years ago i would have frowned upon a relationship with such an age gap, but i've seen past it and i realise its no big deal. Only today did i tell my parents, after 5 months of seeing her. They were disappointed that i didn't tell them earlier, as they have been speculating for a while, and my mum didn't take it well at all, but it had to be done, now that we are getting a little more serious. There is still a lot to get through, i can see many people will look poorly upon my choice, but at the end of the day life is what you make it, and no one should tell you what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): I think if you are financially ready, then there is no problem about the age gap (considering that you both are compatible). I am turning 23 and my bf is turning 44. I have never felt that we have such big age gap. We have been together for 1 and half year. My parents know it. So, it is quite cool. It was a bit hard for some of my friends to accept it as I live in a conservative society. But, doesn't really matter. You know what, as long as you are happy, that's what does matter. For those who are 16 yo and under, I think it is much better if you waited until you are 18 or at least,... you have seen more in the world. Well, that's my opinion. I traveled a lot, met so many different people, different guys, had several relationships before. And that's what made me knows what kind of MAN I want in my life. Some times you thought that "he is the one", or you feel that "he is the one". In fact, it is very easy to make a girl to feel that a guy is "the one" for her. And that's based on research. As a girl gets older, she will tend to use more logic than feelings. So, that's from the logic point of view, that it is better to postpone the sex until 18.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): I am an 18 year old female, soon to turn 19, and I am currently seeing a 36 year old, when I was younger I always looked at these ages gaps as weird, and a few of my friends are unhappy with my situation, they thing it's wrong. I don't see anything wrong with it, we get on great, he acts more like 30, and I see myself as more like 25. I suppose once you are older than 18 age doesnt seem a bad thing! I haven't told my parents or my brother how old he is as I am not sure what there reaction would be, I think I will see where the relationship goes before telling my family, I just hope they don't hear from other people!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I am a 42 yr old male and my partner is 22yrs.Neither of us have any ties and I am quite youthful for my age( so people say)but she can't bring herself to tell her parents about me even now three months into the relationship.she says she is serious about things but I am finding it hard that she can't tell her family. It feels like she can't accept me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): I have just turned 40 and my boyfriend is 20. He is very mature and thinks like a 30 year old - and doesn't like young women or indeed any woman but me. And I am more like 30 in looks and behaviour too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): My partner s 20 years older then me and three years down the line he is worried he is holding me back - I want kids and marriage and he has been there and done it already. Its heartbrakeing as we love each other so much. We are still together - he my best friend and me his - but will time and our different hopes for the future really hold us back?
I hope not - I love him - only time will tell - but whatever happens he will always be my friend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): I am currently 32 and I have a 16 year old boyfriend. He has grown up at a very young age due to bad circumstances. I am also very young for a 32 year old, I look about 23 and am very inexperienced with relationship issues, whilst he has had alot of experience and wants someone older and sensible. We have the same interests and have got on well since we first met. People have just found about us and some people are happy for us but there are the odd few that find it disgusting. We havent slept together yet, I want to make sure I cant end up in trouble if someone reports it. Ive never been in a situation like this before but he makes me happy and loves me very much. Ive been stressing about the age gap and peoples views, even my own mothers but after reading these stories I do feel better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): I just met my guy who is much older than me at Agelessmatch.com. Everything goes well between us. I like the older men, they are more mature and responsible, Agelessmatch.com supports the age gap love, if you need more tips you can go to the site.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): I am an 18 year old female, and for the last 2 years i have been going out with my amazing boyfriend, who is now 35, it may seem like a big age gap, but i think that it's more how you both act, like, are we 18 and 35 in our heads?? we are not. he feels like a 25 year old, he also looks it! although one problem, this has been a secret for 2 years, i am so worried to tell my dad because i know he is going to go mad. any 1 have advice on that???? i have heard people bitch about me, say he is using me, but i think after 2 years together we have proved them all wrong! x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): I'm a 21 year old female marrying a 35 year old man and i couldnt be happier. We had to get to fight very hard for my family to accept our relationship and finally they realised they had no choice but to accept it. I spent a lot of time thinking about what other people would think of me, i lost friends in the process! At the end of the day you have to do whatever makes you happy. So many people have done the whole when he is 70 you will only be 56 but who knows if either of us will last that long! You cant always plan your life right out, you have to grab happiness while its right there in front of you :-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Hey im 16 and my boyfriend is 35. we are very much in love and have been together for nearly a year but have only recently had sex as we were waiting for just the right time. He's a lovely gorgeous man with a great personality and i love him with all my heart!! I couldn't care less what people say!!
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female
reader, bethlove  +, writes (12 September 2007):
It's up to both you are, age is nothing when it comes to love. My advice is sometimes you should learn how to overcome the age difference and sometimes just enjoy the difference. For she is maturity on many aspects, you can learn many things from her, and also you bring her fresh air. I know a good site Agematch.com for age gap relationships, you can get more advices and ideas from this site. I believe you can make your age gap marriage work if you want.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007): I have been with the same man for 8 years. He is 42 and I am 26. I never saw much of a gap.
His sharp modelesque features allow him to pass for 30. He is youthful, athletic and very charismatic. He is my best friend and soulmate. The relationship is great because I am following my heart. He is also following his. Therefore we are unaffected from those who misjudge us.
All of our friends and peers range from 19 to 71. Age is only a number. 51 million people of all ages die every year in this world.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): It's so good to find all these positive comments here about the realities and joys of finding your soul mate from a different generation.
I am about to embark on a life with a beautiful companion - the only real love I've ever known. This is a wonderful thrill and such a comfort. Feeling this confident about it has taken a while though - I'm 30 and he is 55. None of my worries are about our life together (which I already know is fulfilling), but have been hung up in the past. The fact that he has come out of a relatively successful 25 year marriage, has two grown sons, and had 25 years of life that I haven't. But through a lot of self examination and honest talking together, I've come to understand that placing my valuable life in the hands of his or my past is not the way to acheive a happy future (or even a happy now!)
So, him and me, the reality of what we are - a phenomenal partnership, is what I'm focussed on, and what will sustain both of us through time of doubt and fear.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): My father once told me that a big age-gap in relationships doesn't matter until one party gets over 60, then gradually it starts to become difficult. My parents are both in their late 60s and socialise quite a lot with other people who are retired. Their experience is that a lot of women they've met are left with caring for their much older husbands, instead of enjoying their time with a more compatable partner. It's at that age when the age difference becomes a drag.
I think people who are getting into relationships with much older partners should seriously think about what the whole picture entails. It basically means, not growing old with someone, and probably having to spend many good years taking care of an elderly spouse. It has none of these disadvantages for the older party, however, so as far as I'm concerned it's a win-win situation for them, but not for the younger one.
Having said that, I don't think there are any absolutes in these matters. If people fall in love, despite of these disadvantages, it's their choice. And that choice must be respected by others. I do, however, understand that the family of the younger party might be concerned. Wouldn't you, if you could imagine your daughter at 45 or 50 spending all her time taking care of a 70-80 year old husband?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007): In repsonse to that last post.... MissMe, Him waiting until you are 16 to have sex with you doesn't sound like it's much about you but more about him avoiding legal consequences (IF the legal age of consent in your state is even 16). You need to wait until YOU ARE READY. And trust me, I know from personal experience, that when you're 16 and with an older man it feels like you're ready.... be sure that you are beacuse you can't take that back. I'm sure you've heard it before and I don't mean to sound condescending, but 33 and 15 is very extreme age difference and it would be in your best interest to seriously consider his motives and intentions. He is considered a pedophile in most states. :/
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female
reader, ~*~MissMe~*~ +, writes (16 March 2007):
 Hey! Ok, so I'm only 15, but I really think it could work! Just as long as you both want it to! I am involved with someone who is 33 and we love each other very much. He respects me, for example he won't have sex with me until I turn 16 and until I'm sure I'm ready, as long as there is trust, love and respect in a relationship, GO FOR IT! xx good luck xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): hi,
just want to say. dont think of wat others wil think? its down to how ur heart feels.. ur not alone, many ppl have age gap ,marriages.if u fear too much on wat others may think u wont be happy in ur marriage..ull be paranoid going out with ur husband..etc.
im 27, my fiance 52..so in a few years time ill be in the same boat as u.lol looking forward to a bright secure relationshp. was married b4 2 sum1 3 years younger, we were so incompatible...he was so childish.
but if u look this person, and u knw u feel right when u with him?then who gives a monkeys heh? to wat other ppl think..we cant please every1..
good luck.. best wishes for a happy future
xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): I am in the early stages of a relationship with a man who is twice my age (I'm in my early 30's). We get along beautifully on every level that I can determine - it is astounding to me. I've been married once before and in other long term relationships, but I wonder if maybe this is the first time I've really been in love.
I think it is important to acknowledge the harsh practicalities and reality of what this sort of age difference will mean long term, rather than sugar coating it. The reality is that when he is 80 I'll be about 50 and still, I hope, very active and relatively young. There are obviously a whole host of attendant complications with the age difference - socially, economically, etc. These must be faced head-on.
So it is with eyes wide open that I look at this situation and say, if this man and I are so in love - if we are soul mates - than I want to be there until the very last day and make every moment as full and rich as possible.
It is a pleasure and honor to be able to care for someone you love in times both easy and difficult - as we routinely care for our children when young and our parents when old. And even if a couple is the same age, if they stick it out it is almost certain that one will end up caring for the other...it's just more of a question mark as to which person that is.
I do think that people of very different ages can truly compliment the other and have love as deep and complete as couples the same age. I think it is important for both partners to have sufficient inner fortitude and maturity to take an honest look inside themselves, and evaluate if they have the strength and willingness to commit to better and worse...and maybe for the younger to accept that he or she may have decades of life without the other.
There is a poem out there by a poet called "Oriah" that I think is very simple but relevant.
The Invitation
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): There are 3 'C's that make a romantic relationship work. Community, Conversation, Continuity, . When you have values and interests in common to the point that you have more in common between you than with anybody else, age is largely irrelevant. Whereis the continuity in your communities of interest and your conversations?
I am in my late 40s and in the early stages of a relationship with a talented, gifted, intelligent, musician and uni student 30 years my junior. We met on New Year's Eve 2 years ago. I wasn't looking to fall in love. But in the last two years we have had such fun together, that despite all sorts of opposition and difficulties and supposed logic, we are drawn back towards each other. She is very mature for her chronological age, I am very young in outlook for my numbers too.
What reduces our perception of numbers-based age-gap?
I respec |
