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There's a big age gap, but can it work between us?

Tagged as: Age differences<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 June 2005) 83 Answers - (Newest, 27 May 2013)
A , anonymous writes:

Will a 35 year old female marrying a 60 year old male make a successful marriage?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013):

Wow, these entries are amazing. I'm 21 years old and once dated a Boy my age and hated it. I was forced to grow up fast and I'm semi-independent. I'm currently dating a 39yr old. Things were great, but now he feels like he's holding me back from life. He thinks he has too much baggage. But our love is so strong, it's the glue to our relationship. We all know age is not an issue anymore. Parents are afraid because they most likely grew up in the same era as someone that high in age and know their experience. They don't want to see you hurt if they just get their young girl, talk some words, have some sex then disappear. This is a situation where you need to talk it all out. Know what HE wants from you. Don't put any limits on yourself so he feels comfortable telling all. Love is beautiful. Just ride it out. Only time will tell. As for my love and I, we are aware of the fact that things might not work. Maybe I will meet someone better for me family wise, but until then, live in the Now! Love in the Now! Be with each other whether its forever, 5 yrs or 5 months. Just be each others best until destiny dictates its course. Good luck. Thank all for sharing, it's just reminds me if how normal and right it is...to just love!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010):

Wow didn't realise just how many girls my age do this to, at times I feel amazing with my mr but then there are times when he gets scare of me going of with someone my own age the more he dies it the more he pushes me away there is 27yrs between us and I love him to bits his amazing at times it's hard contending with negativity from others to

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010):

i am 54 years old my wife is 26 we have the same views on life so i dont know what all the carfufall is about as age is only numbers and if there is love there then whats the difference yes my kids are around the same age as my wife but they look at her as their sister and a friend our young children the same age as my grand kids play like brothers and sisters we are all happy so why do people have to whine about age difference i say if there is love go for it age is nothing so all you do gooders out there leave us alone and get out of your box and look at the real world you older men and woman wuth younger partners go for it enjoy life to the max

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A male reader, wisernow United States +, writes (18 August 2010):

Age is an overrated and much less important element in a relationship thanthe things that go into making our day to day lives happy.

Among others compatibility and love are paramount to a sucessful relationship..

While dating my wife and l discovered we had similar interests in just about everything...from a love for animals and nature and working together as one to not giving a damn about celebrities or looking to society to resolve whatever problems come our way just to name a few.

We talk about everything, hug and kiss a lot and laugh about ourselves and life.

We stay attractive to each other through daily exercise and trips to the baech and haelthy eating habits.

My wife is 26... l am 76.

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A female reader, Sally40 United Kingdom +, writes (25 May 2010):

I tended to have older men as friends but it never worked out as they always wanted more. Inevitably, I ended up having to hurt them as the relationship started to get too physical. I was lonely and vulnerable. I want a relationship with a man my own age which is 40. I've just ended a 15 year friendship with a man who was 65 and getting too intense. He was really nice but it wasn't going anywhere but I can't pretend my heart isn't broken, mainly because I've hurt him

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010):

I noticed a trend here....all the young girls dating extremely older guys are naive and sheltered. If a 45 year old is with an 18 year old and she loses her virginity to him, he's a FUCKING PEDOPHILE NOT A LOVE INTEREST. The other thing I notice, none of them can spell and are idiots, which is why they fall into that trap. Go back to school and save yourselves.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010):

if you both really love each other what really matters is the both of you to be happy and enjoy what you have left in your lives

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010):

Dear Everyone.

Hello. Well as my name suggests i am at a cross roads!!!! I am 22 years younger than my man. We have been together for about 1 year. We met at uni and i have never thought of another man in more than a frind sence. Now my man met my fatehr and my father does not like the age gap!!!! This is upseting me so much as i want to keep everyone happy. I want to be with him but i dont want to upset my father afterall he has raised me.

I am so confused!!! is anyone in the same situation or even better been through it. I would like to hear from youz.

thanx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010):

Dear Everyone.

Hello. Well as my name suggests i am at a cross roads!!!! I am 22 years younger than my man. We have been together for about 1 year. We met at uni and i have never thought of another man in more than a frind sence. Now my man met my fatehr and my father does not like the age gap!!!! This is upseting me so much as i want to keep everyone happy. I want to be with him but i dont want to upset my father afterall he has raised me.

I am so confused!!! is anyone in the same situation or even better been through it. I would like to hear from youz.

thanx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009):

I don't really know whether the marriage will be successful or not because age is not the only factor that makes a relationship successful or unsuccessful. There are so many things that affect how the marriage goes.

But what I do know is that life is too short to worry about others perception of your relationship. I'm 18 and dating a guy that is 39. It's weird for me cause I was worrying about turning 19 in a couple of months, whilst he's worried about turning 40. Whilst he stresses about work and paying the mortgage, I worry about university applications. It's like living a double life... and I love it. With him I feel safe, relaxed and I feel I can do what I like, when I like without worrying about being judged.

Although on paper we wouldn't have much in common as he'd be stuck in the 70s and 80s... and since I was born in the 90s, I wouldn't know anything about it, I believe we have a lot more in common that we thought.

The more I get to know him, the more I realise he is who I want to be with. Provided he makes you happy, stick with it. Don't let others influence your relationships... especially when the people advising you have been divorced or even worse, are 40 and have never been married!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009):

Well I'm 18 and goin out wit a 45 year old I thought it was bad because I met him at work n I just to play around wit guys there

I love him we make 2yrs this march n I'm happy I cheated on him a couple of time because we started with just a kiss n he older so I

Thought he didn't want anything serious but den we saw each other more n I lost my virginity to him he is my everything n I noe

He loves me to my parents made a huge issue over dis n kicked me out of my house n said day wanted to call da cops on him so

I decided to stay but I do want to live wit hom every day I think of n. Wen we spent dat half n hour in da train wen he picks me up from work I'm da happiest

I wish I could spend my whole life wit him but we have dis a secret we see each othe like 5 time a week n my parents don't noe

We text each minute of da day except when he is t work he I'd divorced n has 15 year old kid who I hvent met yet hisfamily isn't against us

They support him I wish my parents would understand but they are so closemind I'm glad there are more people in this. Situation n. Happy to let this all

Out bc I'm in love like never before

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2009):

I believe that if a person is constantly thinking about an age gap then they can't truly be in love with their partner.

I have fallen head over heels in love with a truly amazing man. He turned 60 this year, I'm 22, and I love him with all my heart. He makes me so happy but my family don't understand.

I want to spend my life with him, he is an amazing man. I can't stop thinking of him and we talk every night before going to bed. He says he wants to be with me the rest of his life too. He has even asked me to marry him. We have talked about everything, even kids.

I want my family to accept my relationship, I don't want to have to choose, because I love him to pieces. We have been seeing each other for about 2 years, serious for about 18 months. At first he was a bit worried about holding me back in life and keeping me from guys my own age.

Personally, all the guys around my age are mostly idiots, and I have never wanted, looked at, or thought about another since meeting him. He gives me butterflies when we are together, makes my heart race and when he kisses me I know he feels the same.

He is such a gentleman, he won't let me pay for anything. "You can't go wasting your money on me, you have bills to pay". He says that when we are finally free to be together that I would no longer have to work as he would provide for us and that I am his princess and I will be treated as a princess.

Love is a truly beautiful gift and when a person has found it, no matter who it be with, they should never let it go. You could be letting your one true love slip through your fingers....................

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A female reader, Maria_i United Kingdom +, writes (21 November 2009):

Hi,

Firstly I would like to say that I'm thanking my lucky stars that I've finally found people who are in a similar situation to me :)

I am turning 20 v soon, approx 8 months ago I found the man of my dreams via the internet. I never thought I would meet a man that I would fall so dangerously in love with over the internet! That was shocking in itself. He is 39 years old and believe me age is really just a number, we have so much in common, he acts young and thinks like a young man too, and I find him very cute :) I've never felt so much in love ever before, I have come to the point that I even found breathing without him by my side quite difficult. I honestly love him to bits from the bottom of my heart and he has showered me with so much love that sometimes I cant help but cry tears of joy. I want to marry him, have him father my children, I really want to go the full way with him. Yes we do have alot of problems between us, but when he looks at me or when I feel his touch the only thing that matters is me and him and everything else seems trivial. A life without is probably a life worth not having. If u love him, then keep him forever, otherwise all u'll be left with will be regrets. I have realised that I only love him and can never give myself to any other the way I've given myself to this man. I am hopelessly devoted to this man and I am more than happy to dedicate my whole life to this guy and love him and look after him till my last breath. I love u Rui x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009):

I am in my early 30's and am in the early stages of a relationship with a man who is 59, and this is the first time I have ever felt so in love with a man.

I could definitely relate to the woman who wrote a blurb in 2007 and included the poem, 'The Invitation'. Thanks so much for your entry.

It is nice to know I am not the only person who has ever considered marrying a much older man. I am examining the issues related to being with a partner who is so much older, and yet every time i ask my heart what it wants it is clear. It wants to be in life with this man.

We are still is the early stages of our relationship though, and so we are taking things one day at a time. All I can say at this time is that I am so grateful to have met this man, as he brings me feelings of such joy and contentedness I have never felt with any other.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009):

I am in my early 30's and am in the early stages of a relationship with a man who is 59, and this is the first time I have ever felt so in love with a man.

I could definitely relate to the woman who wrote a blurb in 2007 and included the poem, 'The Invitation'. Thanks so much for your entry.

It is nice to know I am not the only person who has ever considered marrying a much older man. I am examining the issues related to being with a partner who is so much older, and yet every time i ask my heart what it wants it is clear. It wants to be in life with this man.

We are still is the early stages of our relationship though, and so we are taking things one day at a time. All I can say at this time is that I am so grateful to have met this man, as he brings me feelings of such joy and contentedness I have never felt with any other.

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A male reader, inafix64 United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2009):

inafix64 agony auntwell Im 43,never been married or have any baggage, have My own flat, car, etc and hold down a secure well paid job. My girlfriend is 21 and still lives at home with Her parents. We have been seeing each other for 18 months. When We are together its great, the best days of My life but Her Parents would go ballistic if they found out about Me. They have their suspicions and She has to deny everything or they would disown and disinherit Her, their only child.

They expect Her to meet and marry some wonderful 25 year old millionaire but as She says Most lads that age dont want to settle down with one Woman

They only let Her out to go to work and We are lucky to have a 10 minute cuddle most days.

Im now beggining to have very serious doubts as I have to spend most weekends alone also holidays etc.

Im on anti depressants and feel tired and wound up a lot

The thing is I do love Her and She does Me but texting 30 times a day isnt a proper relationship.

If You are happy Id say go for it because I would if only I had the chance.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009):

I am 23 my husband 43, we are best friends and have been for the last 5 years. We have the ups and downs of any marriage but I love him so much and I have never felt so loved by anyone in my life. He takes care of me, we share common interests and love spending time together. Yes i would be lying if I didn't say it concerns me that the age gap will be hard when I am say 50 and he is 70. However he is very young looking and acting, physically active and I think it depends on the person how they will age. If you love this man, enjoy what you have now, you will probably regret it for the rest of your life if you don't. Thinking what if all the time could make you miss out on the best years of your life with someone you love very much. Age is a number, love is a feeling and friendship will last forever.

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A male reader, Uncle Rantsome United Kingdom +, writes (22 January 2009):

Uncle Rantsome agony auntim a 21 year old man with a 36 year old woman,throughout my life ive had relationships and sexual encounters with countless women older, younger and the same age.

but it wasnt untill i met my partner that i ever felt what true love is.

we preyed for each other to enter one anothers lives, and although we didnt come in the packages we expected we balance each other exactly as needed.

we care for each other in the way we both need.

i make her feel desired and special,she makes me feel needed and appreciated.

she sees the good in me when knowone else can and she lights up my darkness.

people gave us the funny looks but now they have turned into looks of jealousy because they resent how proud we are of our love,that we can flaunt it and share it privately.

when i hold her hand evryone in the world seems to evapourate and vannish leaving us 2 alone in our own world.

i guess my answer to the question though is age isnt the factor here its compatability,do what makes you happy because u owe the world fuck all.

the people in your lives that would prefer you to hold your feelings to appease them are bitter and selfish.

why sacrifice your own happiness to please jealous or closed minded leeches.

your reality exists only for you and its ure desicsion on how to spend your life dont waste the oppurtunity to be happy with who you are and what you want.

gay,straight,age,ect ect its not you or ure partners who should be ashamed its the people who wont accept your descision to do as you please. go for it folks

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2008):

Well im 26 and my male partner is 49, we have been together 5months. We live together and my family know about him, my only issue is that I miss being single, i miss living on my own but i love him too much to leave and to be honest I dont want to loose him but I think about how easy everything in my life was up till he moved in! I just think we are moving to quickly and want him get his own place but he said last night its all of nothing! i dnt want to loose him but at the same time i feel like im being put under pressure to live the way he wants me too. I just feel its all too much for me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008):

I'm 19 and I am involved with a 34 year old. I love him so much and our relationship is very healthy. I lost my virginity to him and I don't regret it, at all, he is so understanding and attentive to my needs.

Personally, I would never consider dating anyone my age...guys my age are so immature and aren't attractive to me in any way.

As long as you and your partner are both mature and able to deal with "funny" looks (we've gotten our fair share!), then you can make it work. Just be prepared for criticism from conservative family members and friends. But you know, if you really love your partner, you'll work through it and stay together!

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A female reader, coco123 United States +, writes (15 November 2008):

I am 43 years old and my boyfriend is 20 years old we love each other very much and can't wait to see each other everyday we have been together for almost a year now and he likes to wear diapers and suck pacifiers he is still very mature and he is only an ab/dl and i play the ab/dl mother now THAT SOUNDS CRAZY RIGHT? However, we get the stares and the questions of why are we dating. I feel it is nobody's business because we are in love and we don't see age we are happy inside and his mother accepted me finally so don't feel bad. I have to just have paitence with him as he is still maturing and if I love him I will be there for him.

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A female reader, coco123 United States +, writes (15 November 2008):

Don't feel so bad I am 43years old and I am in a relationship with a 20 year old guy and we love each other sooo much. I think of him all day everyday and one more thing..he likes to wear diapers!! get that!! he is an ab/dl (adult baby/diaper lover) and I play his mother. we have been together almost a year now. People stare at us and ask if he is my son, I feel bad about it but i remember the love that we have he is very respectful and do things for me alot. He is caring and gentle. and wants to spend alot of time with me. So to me age is only a number what matters is the heart and how that person makes you feel and how mature he or she is.

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A female reader, annalittleangel United Kingdom +, writes (27 October 2008):

I think it can work between both of you. The reason is no matter what people say or do the love you have for eachother should be strong enough to stay together unless you let what people say irritate you then it will affect the relationship in a bad way.As ong as both of you are happy then just get on with it live happily it isnt up to anyone else.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008):

Ive been been involved with men that are usually quite a bit older than me. Most would say, its because im looking for a father figure but i try to explain to them that this is not the case. I find their wisdom and intelligence appealing. But that doesnt mean i restrict myself to the older ones, its personality that counts, i dont consider myself to be a shallow person.

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A female reader, alc08 United States +, writes (25 September 2008):

Its evident that age is but a number and many believe in such.

even though now a days society frowns upon an age gap of more than 5 years, love shouldnt be measured by such a factor.

im 18 years old dating a 36 year old. he is twice my age and everyone in my family does not agree with it especially my mom.

many ask what do we have in common or how do we make it work.

we have been together for 5 months thus far and have known each other for about a year.

to top it all off, im in a completely different city since i started college this fall.

he has been my support system through it all and has been by my side 110%.

we go out in public and notice that we get plenty of disgusted stares but we both are indifferent to other people's opinion.

how is it that in earlier times it was acceptable?

no one is superior enough to judge or even doubt the success of such an age gap.

it is like any other relationship.

you try and make it work. if its unsuccessful it is not necessarily because of the age, it might just be there isnt the chemistry or attraction you thought there might have been.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008):

For those of you under 18 and in high school...

In many states it is illegal for you to be involved with anyone OLDER than 21, and if you are under 16, it is many times the case illegal to be involved with anyone over 18. These feelings you feel for these older guys, they ARE real, but they can put you and your partner in jail. The older party serves NO LESS than 5 years for statuary rape, and it goes on their record PERMANENTLY as a CHILD ABUSER. You and them may have made a deal not to tell, but you can sure as hell bet that one of your friends or classmates will tell someone. The younger party, if consenting (which you are because you're agreeing to have relations with the older party) will be sent to a juvenile detention center where they will be tried and labeled as a "troubled youth" until they reach the age of 18, which involves constant or frequent watch by the police and the parents, and usually strict curfews are enforced by law.

Now, for those of you of legal age, there is no reason why an age-gapped relationship would not work out. It may be a little awkward if you're under 21, and they're not, because you wouldn't be allowed to go out drinking with them, or have a glass of wine at a restaurant. But if the relationship is strong enough, stuff like that shouldn't matter. I am 18, and my boyfriend is 23, but the whole bars thing doesn't bother us. We really aren't that different, we are both in college (although I'm entering my 3rd year, and him his 6th). We are at similar points in our lives. I think what's important in a relationship with an age gap is to make sure that 1. you're at similar points in life, and 2. you are both okay with the age gap and it doesn't bother you. Now if you're not in the relative same point, it would be awkward. For example, how awkward would it be to try and sneak your 30 year old boyfriend into your Senior Prom? Very. And if the age gap bothers you or them too much, it probably won't work because the age gap will always be there. For my relationship, personally, the age gap doesn't even exist to us unless the people at the grocery store try and card me when he's buying alcohol, because they see that we are together. But that's just simple things that doesn't affect the relationship.

So, age is only an issue when you make it an issue. And don't worry about death too soon (in fact, don't worry at all, it stunts life's prosperity). Hey, I've read about people living past 120 years. Whose to say your wife won't? That's another 50 years together. We never know when we're going to die, but it's something we should only stress over when it comes around.

-Kat.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008):

i fell in love and married a women 17 years older than my self ,she had been married before and was a mother to 2 girls and a lad we have had our ups and downs like anyone else i was a 25 year old & she was 43 i had been engaged 3 times before to women as old and younger than myself ,the only downside i have found is after 28 years of happy marriage is time is against us i cannot bear to lose my wife who is now in her 70s it tears me apart i am a fulltime carer to her now ....and i only hope that my time is before hers ...some will understand what i am trying to say others will not .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008):

I recently met someone who is a great deal older than myself.

I'll start by saying that beucase it's an inescapable fact.

I'm just about to turn 18, he's about double that.

When we met, I'd be lying if I asid that there was an automatic connection. I liked him, I thought he was interesting. We exchanged contact details and that was that.

A month or so later, we spoke on the phone and decided to spend some time together, it went well, we both went away, then we met up again and.. It felt different.

I don't think we'll be together. It's bad timing.

But, personally, there's nothing wrong with age gaps; as long as there's respect and understanding.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

Hi

I am 19 years old and my boyfriend is 30 (almost 31), we have been together for almost 3 years since i was 16 (almost 17). Of course i worried a lot about the age gap and i still worry about the future but I love him to bits. He acts younger and sometimes i act older than he does!He also got asked for ID once when i was only just 18 and I was with him and wasnt asked!!

It has been hard, but to be honest all my friends have accepted it, and my family really like him! He is the only proper boyfriend ive had and i sometimes wonder about what id have been like if i wasnt with him, but im not the type of girl that would want to have as many partners as possible.

He treats me great, and we have fun and that is important in any relationship. He doesnt always want to go clubbing but if i want him to come he will and when we do go clubbing it makes it a lot better than if we went all the time!! We have discussed the future, he doesnt have any children and although he has said that he would have liked to have children by the time he was 30, that never happened and ive always said i wanted kids in my early 20's and there are plenty of older dads out there! My cousin has just had a baby shes 39 and her husband is 50 but a very fit and young looking 50 year old.

My boyfriends workmate is 23 and there is the same age gap between her and her husband as there is between us, and they have just got married!! so it can work and if u want it to it will!!

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008):

im with my partner who is 51 this year im 27 we met when i was 21 i couldnt be more happy i love him 2 pieces ,we have a great sex life i stilll fancy him loads we get some funny looks when i feel his bum in the shops lol i think that the age gap bothers him more that me as he thinks ill run off with some 1 younger at the first sign of a pension no chance hes gorgeous x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008):

I am also currently debating an age gap situation. I'll admit, I'm pretty young, 16 years old and the guy I've potentionally have fallen in love with is 32 years old. We've flirted with each other on countless occassions, and he doesn't look at anyone else the way he looks at me. But I don't think either of us wants to cross the breach, and I wouldn't know how to break it to him. If anyone who's in a similiar situation could tell me what to do, that'd be greatly appreciated.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008):

I am a 32 year old woman who recently started dating a 20 year old - he is very mature and I had no idea how old he was when we met, and feelings grew between us for several months before we began dating. We are both very happy together, but I am still concerned for the future as I always thought I would be settling down and having children in the next few years, but don't think it is fair to impose that on someone of his age, as he might end up resenting it. In many respects this is the only difficulty with our relationship, as we have well matched personalities and share alot of interests. It seems to me that many of these examples of relationships are between an older man and a younger woman - more traditionally acceptable in some senses. My sister is 11 years younger than her partner, and they are very happy together. I would be interested to know if people think that the age gap can work the other way round, with an older woman and a younger man?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008):

I am a 22 yr old female dating a 39 yr old man. It is a relatively new relationship, but I am head over heels for him. I think age is irrelevant, what is important is that you are both on the same mental wavelength. I am very mature for my age, while he has a childish side that I adore. Overall, its a great match. We have discussed kids and marriage, which I think are important topics of discussion. If you both want the same things out of life, as well as each other, I believe you can overcome any obstacle.

He has taught me a lot, and I have taught him as well. We have great communication and are very open with each other. I have never experienced a relationship where I have been so open and honest...it's fantastic.

I wish anyone and everyone in love all the best. Every relationship has its challenges, possibly May-December romances more than others. If you are open, honest and trust each other, anything is possible! :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008):

I am 36 and in love with a 60 year old man. I could try to look elsewhere thinking i may find someone younger and thereby more suitable in that respect. But I have gotten to 36 and never found a man who makes me feel the way this man does. There is every chance i could go on looking for years. That would be a lot of wasted years during which time i could be spending happy with him. No one knows where life will lead, but i believe if it feels right it should be grasped with both hands and enjoyed whilst it can. Being the same age as your partner will not make you happy. Being in love with your partner will give you the strength and resilience to weather the bad times and to have the best times when times are good.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):

Hi i'm 19 nearly 20 and am seeing a 41 nearly 42 year old male. i asked my friends what they may think if i went out with someone older than myself and they didn't like the idea and all said he's a bit of a perv, but i don't think so. i love him and to me age is just a number not something we should use to stop us falling in love. nobody knows about us just yet because of the age gap.

I just hope when we do tell people, that they will accept the fact that we love each other.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008):

I'm 39 and have just started seeing someone who's 20. Bizzarely, in my previous relationships I've usually been the youngest!! So far so good, although it's clear we have vast differences in experience. Sometimes it's hilarious! He's met some of my friends, but I'm dreading meeting his...but I will get over this. He is aware of my worries and we are talking about this. It would seem to me that as long as there is ongoing dialogue about how we feel about this, it should all be ok. I'm optimistic.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008):

My friend has confided in me that he is in a relationship with a 48 year old woman at work. But he is only just 19, I am not sure what advice to give him. He sees her virtually constantly and his work friends are starting to notice

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008):

I am Glad, that i came here.

i like a man right now who just turned 32, and i am turning 18.

I kept telling myself, the age gap is so huge.

But who cares? age is just only a number..

and i couldnt really tell my friends how i feel about him.

But the feeling that i have for him, is really unstoppable.

i really do love him with all my heart, and we relate very well. we are 14 years apart, and at first it seemed ALOT of difference, but coming here really encouraged me to be more honest about how i feel.

We both have feelings for each other, but didnt really have the courage to ask each other out.

but i think it'll all be ok now.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008):

I am a 66 years old man. I am a medical doctor and still very active professionally in the international context. My female partner is 30. We have been together for 3 years now. We intend to get married, although I dread having to disclose our age to the Register Officer. I also feel embarrassed when we go to a hotel reception and request a room. When we first met I did not think about our age difference. It was fun and I did not think that our relationship was going to last. But we have developed a strong attachment and our sexual life is great. Before I met her I thought that I was at the end of my sexual life. Now, I feel that I am going to enjoy sex for the foreseeable future. But my son (aged 27) is totally against our relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008):

agree, age is the state of mind. i am 37 yrs, and just have met this guy who is 54, very young at heart, open to any discussions and suggestions. He makes me happy, and really enjoy his company. Age is just a number.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008):

I am a female and I my husband is 30 years older than me. He looks younger than he is and he is very young in his spirit. It is me who sometimes feels like 100 years old. My husband is my protector/defender,very clever, he has sense of humour, powerful, sociable,caring. He is like a father for me. I have never been attracted to young men. We are going to have a child. He has adult daughter who doesn't want to see him after his divorce with her mother and his step son doesn't want to see him. So his children do not bother me at all and I have never met them.Thanks God! I am going to be with my husband all my life and will never leave him. I am loyal woman, I have never liked any parties, do not need any friends so on...All I need is my husband and child and our dog Staffordshire-Bullterrier. I don't care what other people think of us. All his relatives think I am with him because of money but he is not rich at all. He had nice job in his past before I met him. But at the moment he doesn't.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008):

I am 40 yrs old and dating an almost 60 yr. old... he is the highlight of my life.. I love and respect him with all my heart! I want to be his wife and do all that I can to prove my love and devotion to him.. Karen K.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008):

i am in a shockingly similar situation and i say go 4 it. i know how you feel. x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008):

I am 20 years old and my partner is soon to turn 42. I suppose I came on this site to find out what other people are going through in similar situations. In mind, we are the same age. He is gorgeous, caring and we are very much in love, why should we throw that away because of a number? He has 3 children, one 2 years younger than myself, but we hope to have children in the near future. Age only matters to people who can't understand true and overwhelming love, and if you're happy, surely your friends and family should be happy for you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008):

This is such a contraverial issue but I don't think age has much to do with it. I believe relationships are about maturity and human compatibility.

Here are a list of celebrities in age gap relationships proving that it's not "wrong" and can really work! (Search some of the names if you are not sure who they are)

Beyonce (26) & Jay-Z (38) [12years]

Katie Holmes (28) & Tom Cruise (44) [16years]

Demi Moore (44) & Ashton Kutcher (29) [15years]

Calister Flockhart (42) & Harrison Ford (64) [22years]

Kim Catrell (50) & Alan Wyse (27) [23years]

Adrianne Curry (24) & Chris Knight (49) [25years]

Geena Davis (51) & Reeza Jarrahy (36) [15years]

Panny Lancaster (35) & Rod Stewart (62) [27years]

Francesa Annis (62) & Ralph Fiennes (44) [18years]

Soon-Yi Previn (36) & Woody Allen (71) [35years]

Alice Kim (23) & Nicolas Cage (44) [21years]

Katie Lee Joel (25) & Billy Joel (57) [32years]

L'Wren Scott (39) & Mick Jagger (63) [34years]

Catherine ZetaJones(37) & Michael Douglas (62) [25years]

Jodie Brook Wilson (38) & Des O'Connor (75) [37years](They have been together for 17 years so far!!!??)

Bella Wright (22) & Pete Stringfellow(75) [43years]

Melania Knause (34) & Donald Trump (58) [24years]

Oona O'Neill (17) & Charlie Chaplin (54) [37years]

(Their marriage lasted 34 years!)

Heather Harlan (25) & Tony Randall (75) [50years]

Playboy Bunnies (20s)& Hugh Hefner (80) [60years]

Suddenly my 17 year age gap with my partner doesn't seem so bad..!?!

Are there any I left out and what do we think of these?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2008):

I really don't think age gaps matter, what matters is what the two of you share as a couple. My partner is nearly 13 years older than and I have never been as happy with anyone my own age as I am with him. OK so your age gap is bigger but it is the same kind of thing.

I thought it would be really difficult at first and we would both be wanting different things, for example he would want to start a family where as I wasn't ready for that at the time, but he totally respects me and we work everything around what both of us want.

Some of my family and friends don't approve of our relationship but I have learnt that it doesn't matter what other people think, if you are happy.

Go with you heart, worked for me. Good luck, Enjoy! x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008):

I'm 21 and he's 42(divorced and has 2 kids from his x-wife and from this girl he met after the divorce)Pretty much a lot of backpack from his past...kinda big.We've met about 2 years ago.We work together.At first it was kinda scary to feel the picture because of the odds and everything.Before i met him,it was kinda hard for me to date or even to do something closer to that( i was too shy for the real whole deal or may be it took him to unlock my fears).but meeting him made all the differences beyond what i have ever expected my self to experience.He's fun,sweet,smart and very noticeably cute..lol(i'm serious though).we have had lots of fun together than i ever imagined me having.teh romance,the love,the jorney to this future we have planned is soooo awesome.

I have had people calling me names just cause i was shallow to let love in my life against all the odds.Most people think i'm after his money or that he's using me but in the hidden reality of our hearts,we are just two poeple sooo crazy in love.Yet,i won't deny that i get uncomfortable about his past and all since he's been there,done it,had kids and was married.I have not yet told my parents about it coz i know they would freak out so i'm keeping low profile and all.True..that i have never imagined myself in such a relationship but CE LA VIE.I have to take whatever life may hand me with and from it i'm trying my best(despite the problems) to fashion something good out of it on my own.I know that others may not understand this but i will keep right on doing what i should...that is ....keep loving my babe.

We didn't have sex yet(part of the reason..i'm very traditional that i wanna wait till we both settle down so that i wake up the next day and be in this place where we both call our home).He's very understanding,respectful and unbelievably loving that i do not regret not having any dates before i met him.He's all that and then freaking some.Ain't no age gap is gonna stop me from keeping my babe.

the best way to live it up in such relationship is to build that deeper bond between one other that no craps from the outside can shake the love in between.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008):

I'm 20 years old, my girlfriend is 37 (not that she acts like it, she is much more fun than any girl my age). Long story short, she is my best friends oldest sister who i have known for many years. She has 2 kids from her previous marriage, both of them i adore. Many years ago i would have frowned upon a relationship with such an age gap, but i've seen past it and i realise its no big deal. Only today did i tell my parents, after 5 months of seeing her. They were disappointed that i didn't tell them earlier, as they have been speculating for a while, and my mum didn't take it well at all, but it had to be done, now that we are getting a little more serious. There is still a lot to get through, i can see many people will look poorly upon my choice, but at the end of the day life is what you make it, and no one should tell you what to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007):

I think if you are financially ready, then there is no problem about the age gap (considering that you both are compatible). I am turning 23 and my bf is turning 44. I have never felt that we have such big age gap. We have been together for 1 and half year. My parents know it. So, it is quite cool. It was a bit hard for some of my friends to accept it as I live in a conservative society. But, doesn't really matter. You know what, as long as you are happy, that's what does matter. For those who are 16 yo and under, I think it is much better if you waited until you are 18 or at least,... you have seen more in the world. Well, that's my opinion. I traveled a lot, met so many different people, different guys, had several relationships before. And that's what made me knows what kind of MAN I want in my life. Some times you thought that "he is the one", or you feel that "he is the one". In fact, it is very easy to make a girl to feel that a guy is "the one" for her. And that's based on research. As a girl gets older, she will tend to use more logic than feelings. So, that's from the logic point of view, that it is better to postpone the sex until 18.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007):

I am an 18 year old female, soon to turn 19, and I am currently seeing a 36 year old, when I was younger I always looked at these ages gaps as weird, and a few of my friends are unhappy with my situation, they thing it's wrong. I don't see anything wrong with it, we get on great, he acts more like 30, and I see myself as more like 25. I suppose once you are older than 18 age doesnt seem a bad thing! I haven't told my parents or my brother how old he is as I am not sure what there reaction would be, I think I will see where the relationship goes before telling my family, I just hope they don't hear from other people!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

I am a 42 yr old male and my partner is 22yrs.Neither of us have any ties and I am quite youthful for my age( so people say)but she can't bring herself to tell her parents about me even now three months into the relationship.she says she is serious about things but I am finding it hard that she can't tell her family. It feels like she can't accept me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007):

I have just turned 40 and my boyfriend is 20. He is very mature and thinks like a 30 year old - and doesn't like young women or indeed any woman but me. And I am more like 30 in looks and behaviour too.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007):

My partner s 20 years older then me and three years down the line he is worried he is holding me back - I want kids and marriage and he has been there and done it already. Its heartbrakeing as we love each other so much. We are still together - he my best friend and me his - but will time and our different hopes for the future really hold us back?

I hope not - I love him - only time will tell - but whatever happens he will always be my friend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

I am currently 32 and I have a 16 year old boyfriend. He has grown up at a very young age due to bad circumstances. I am also very young for a 32 year old, I look about 23 and am very inexperienced with relationship issues, whilst he has had alot of experience and wants someone older and sensible. We have the same interests and have got on well since we first met. People have just found about us and some people are happy for us but there are the odd few that find it disgusting. We havent slept together yet, I want to make sure I cant end up in trouble if someone reports it. Ive never been in a situation like this before but he makes me happy and loves me very much. Ive been stressing about the age gap and peoples views, even my own mothers but after reading these stories I do feel better.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007):

I just met my guy who is much older than me at Agelessmatch.com. Everything goes well between us. I like the older men, they are more mature and responsible, Agelessmatch.com supports the age gap love, if you need more tips you can go to the site.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007):

I am an 18 year old female, and for the last 2 years i have been going out with my amazing boyfriend, who is now 35, it may seem like a big age gap, but i think that it's more how you both act, like, are we 18 and 35 in our heads?? we are not. he feels like a 25 year old, he also looks it! although one problem, this has been a secret for 2 years, i am so worried to tell my dad because i know he is going to go mad. any 1 have advice on that???? i have heard people bitch about me, say he is using me, but i think after 2 years together we have proved them all wrong! x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007):

I'm a 21 year old female marrying a 35 year old man and i couldnt be happier. We had to get to fight very hard for my family to accept our relationship and finally they realised they had no choice but to accept it. I spent a lot of time thinking about what other people would think of me, i lost friends in the process! At the end of the day you have to do whatever makes you happy. So many people have done the whole when he is 70 you will only be 56 but who knows if either of us will last that long! You cant always plan your life right out, you have to grab happiness while its right there in front of you :-)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007):

Hey im 16 and my boyfriend is 35. we are very much in love and have been together for nearly a year but have only recently had sex as we were waiting for just the right time. He's a lovely gorgeous man with a great personality and i love him with all my heart!! I couldn't care less what people say!!

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A female reader, bethlove United States +, writes (12 September 2007):

It's up to both you are, age is nothing when it comes to love. My advice is sometimes you should learn how to overcome the age difference and sometimes just enjoy the difference. For she is maturity on many aspects, you can learn many things from her, and also you bring her fresh air. I know a good site Agematch.com for age gap relationships, you can get more advices and ideas from this site. I believe you can make your age gap marriage work if you want.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007):

I have been with the same man for 8 years. He is 42 and I am 26. I never saw much of a gap.

His sharp modelesque features allow him to pass for 30. He is youthful, athletic and very charismatic. He is my best friend and soulmate. The relationship is great because I am following my heart. He is also following his. Therefore we are unaffected from those who misjudge us.

All of our friends and peers range from 19 to 71. Age is only a number. 51 million people of all ages die every year in this world.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007):

It's so good to find all these positive comments here about the realities and joys of finding your soul mate from a different generation.

I am about to embark on a life with a beautiful companion - the only real love I've ever known. This is a wonderful thrill and such a comfort. Feeling this confident about it has taken a while though - I'm 30 and he is 55. None of my worries are about our life together (which I already know is fulfilling), but have been hung up in the past. The fact that he has come out of a relatively successful 25 year marriage, has two grown sons, and had 25 years of life that I haven't. But through a lot of self examination and honest talking together, I've come to understand that placing my valuable life in the hands of his or my past is not the way to acheive a happy future (or even a happy now!)

So, him and me, the reality of what we are - a phenomenal partnership, is what I'm focussed on, and what will sustain both of us through time of doubt and fear.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007):

My father once told me that a big age-gap in relationships doesn't matter until one party gets over 60, then gradually it starts to become difficult. My parents are both in their late 60s and socialise quite a lot with other people who are retired. Their experience is that a lot of women they've met are left with caring for their much older husbands, instead of enjoying their time with a more compatable partner. It's at that age when the age difference becomes a drag.

I think people who are getting into relationships with much older partners should seriously think about what the whole picture entails. It basically means, not growing old with someone, and probably having to spend many good years taking care of an elderly spouse. It has none of these disadvantages for the older party, however, so as far as I'm concerned it's a win-win situation for them, but not for the younger one.

Having said that, I don't think there are any absolutes in these matters. If people fall in love, despite of these disadvantages, it's their choice. And that choice must be respected by others. I do, however, understand that the family of the younger party might be concerned. Wouldn't you, if you could imagine your daughter at 45 or 50 spending all her time taking care of a 70-80 year old husband?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007):

In repsonse to that last post....

MissMe,

Him waiting until you are 16 to have sex with you doesn't sound like it's much about you but more about him avoiding legal consequences (IF the legal age of consent in your state is even 16). You need to wait until YOU ARE READY. And trust me, I know from personal experience, that when you're 16 and with an older man it feels like you're ready.... be sure that you are beacuse you can't take that back. I'm sure you've heard it before and I don't mean to sound condescending, but 33 and 15 is very extreme age difference and it would be in your best interest to seriously consider his motives and intentions. He is considered a pedophile in most states. :/

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A female reader, ~*~MissMe~*~ +, writes (16 March 2007):

~*~MissMe~*~ agony auntHey! Ok, so I'm only 15, but I really think it could work! Just as long as you both want it to! I am involved with someone who is 33 and we love each other very much. He respects me, for example he won't have sex with me until I turn 16 and until I'm sure I'm ready, as long as there is trust, love and respect in a relationship, GO FOR IT! xx good luck xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007):

hi,

just want to say. dont think of wat others wil think? its down to how ur heart feels.. ur not alone, many ppl have age gap ,marriages.if u fear too much on wat others may think u wont be happy in ur marriage..ull be paranoid going out with ur husband..etc.

im 27, my fiance 52..so in a few years time ill be in the same boat as u.lol looking forward to a bright secure relationshp. was married b4 2 sum1 3 years younger, we were so incompatible...he was so childish.

but if u look this person, and u knw u feel right when u with him?then who gives a monkeys heh? to wat other ppl think..we cant please every1..

good luck.. best wishes for a happy future

xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007):

I am in the early stages of a relationship with a man who is twice my age (I'm in my early 30's). We get along beautifully on every level that I can determine - it is astounding to me. I've been married once before and in other long term relationships, but I wonder if maybe this is the first time I've really been in love.

I think it is important to acknowledge the harsh practicalities and reality of what this sort of age difference will mean long term, rather than sugar coating it. The reality is that when he is 80 I'll be about 50 and still, I hope, very active and relatively young. There are obviously a whole host of attendant complications with the age difference - socially, economically, etc. These must be faced head-on.

So it is with eyes wide open that I look at this situation and say, if this man and I are so in love - if we are soul mates - than I want to be there until the very last day and make every moment as full and rich as possible.

It is a pleasure and honor to be able to care for someone you love in times both easy and difficult - as we routinely care for our children when young and our parents when old. And even if a couple is the same age, if they stick it out it is almost certain that one will end up caring for the other...it's just more of a question mark as to which person that is.

I do think that people of very different ages can truly compliment the other and have love as deep and complete as couples the same age. I think it is important for both partners to have sufficient inner fortitude and maturity to take an honest look inside themselves, and evaluate if they have the strength and willingness to commit to better and worse...and maybe for the younger to accept that he or she may have decades of life without the other.

There is a poem out there by a poet called "Oriah" that I think is very simple but relevant.

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.

I want to know what you ache for

and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.

I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool

for love

for your dream

for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...

I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow

if you have been opened by life’s betrayals

or have become shrivelled and closed

from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain

mine or your own

without moving to hide it

or fade it

or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy

mine or your own

if you can dance with wildness

and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes

without cautioning us

to be careful

to be realistic

to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me

is true.

I want to know if you can

disappoint another

to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

every day.

And if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure

yours and mine

and still stand at the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me

to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after the night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the centre of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007):

There are 3 'C's that make a romantic relationship work. Community, Conversation, Continuity, . When you have values and interests in common to the point that you have more in common between you than with anybody else, age is largely irrelevant. Whereis the continuity in your communities of interest and your conversations?

I am in my late 40s and in the early stages of a relationship with a talented, gifted, intelligent, musician and uni student 30 years my junior. We met on New Year's Eve 2 years ago. I wasn't looking to fall in love. But in the last two years we have had such fun together, that despite all sorts of opposition and difficulties and supposed logic, we are drawn back towards each other. She is very mature for her chronological age, I am very young in outlook for my numbers too.

What reduces our perception of numbers-based age-gap?

I respect her views and treat her like the equal I believe her to be. I see my experienced view of the world as one view, and her unjaded view, to be an equally valid perspective.

I don't really fit with many men or women of my own age group finding them "stuck-in-the-mud" or in a rut, often they are pompous or "serious".

Hell, I can be serious, I'm doing a doctorate, but I like fun and I'm good at it. But I find that they have lost their ability to be young at heart. I am a professional across a number of areas and my career keeps on reinventing itself, so I have never allowed myself to get in a rut and age. Also a lot of my work has been with younger people as a trainer, youth counsellor and university lecturer/tutor, so on a daily basis I have been working with post school teenagers and adults in their twenties. I relate well to people of all ages, as does my love.

I find that my sweetheart has so much commonsense, a mature and well thought out view of the world. We meet in the middle, and when we talk there are not barriers between us. When we do things together, whether it is full-on wrestling on the lawn in front of her mother at midnight, pruning the garden, running a bush-dance or planning for a birthday party, we do so like left and right hand, like soul mates, and really long-term old friends.

We both have a strong common value sytem based on similar religious and ethical approaches, interests in playing music (and we do duets), farming, science, well-being, the outdoors, and having fun, as well as heaps of other things.

As for the future

My career revolves around care of people and planet and her career is starting off about care of people and will evolve into my areas, as she already knows that environmental health is increasingly crucial to the well-being of the individual.

I can see at least 30 years together. I am healthy and come from a long-lived family with my grandfather getting to 90. I see us complimenting each other in a marriage and a professional partnership. I am fantastic with kids and I know that she needs a stable older husband and father for her children. My career stability will allow her to take time off for a family earlier rather than later, which is better for fertility, and the health of mother and baby.

Yes the stats say that I will die some time before her. But there are no guarantees in life. My previous marriage lasted 6 years. What matters is the quality and vitality of the time we have together.

A solid foundation, similar values, good communication, common goals, and love of the romantic kind, and love of the solid best friends type. I know that we've got a winner.

It is only in the last 100-150 years that Age Gap relationships became frowned on. The equality of the industrial revolution and the feminist revolution, means equality, it does not mean equal or the same.

Romance, no matter how we dress it up is about, sexual attraction, and that is all about sex, reproduction and passing on the genes in our children. A woman's sexual attraction is in her apparent fecundity or ability to have kids, so 18-26 are her years of greatest underlying attraction. A male's attraction, is in his status, maturity and well-being in order to successfully provide for and raise his partner's children. So males can continue to gain sexual status as they get older.

So go for it! But make sure YOU are the right person for the relationship and the person you are attracted to.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006):

I think that you should follow your heart and do what you think is best. Don't listen to others as they will only give you reason to doubt your relationship. I'm a 17 year old girl and I wanna go out with a guy who is younger than me and my friends are cool with it, but some are not. So, that is why I say do what you want to do. Don't think about the negatives that people will tell you. If they care than they will care about you and your decision. Good Luck!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006):

I have a 27 year age gap in my relationship. We are the happiest we've ever been and could not be more in love. Our families don't like it, and a few of my friends have been overheard bitching about the situation. Who are they to judge when they neither know him, or how we are together, or how we feel, or our situation? I completely agree to anyone out there, do what makes you happy. If I had listened to what others had told me and warned me off, I would be missing out on the best part of my life. Good luck.xxx

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A female reader, lnatashal +, writes (19 November 2006):

Of course it will work, if you love each other. There will always be people that will judge and have a coment to make - bottom line - it has nothing to do with anyone else, except the 2 of you - good luck and enjoy each others love :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006):

i am 20 and my fiance is 42 we have been engaged for 1year and half and are very close he has got kids and lucky enough we get on after being introduced gradually i love him more and more every day but do get flashes in my mind of future alone but try not to think of it like that because if i was without him then i wouldnt be happy and i really dont think id be any happier with anyone else we have a great life 2gether and wed both love to have kids in a few years im happy hes happy is there anyone else in same situation nice to talk

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A female reader, Catherine  +, writes (29 September 2006):

If the man is 60 years old and the women is 35. If the 60 yr old man is attractive to the younger female mate and they are intimate and connect with each other, then I do not see a problem with a marriage or a life together. Of course the man will age and die sooner if chronological pattern perpetuates. The younger spouse needs to realize and accept that her husband will chronologically die first. If the women is widowed early - so what! She can start over with another man again! If she doesn't want to start over;there is nothing wrong with being single and being alone if you are comfortable/happy with it. The younger partner will have to date again when she is older-Big Deal. Both partners may become sick at one time or another, so long as each other take care of one another. THERE IS NO CRYSTAL BALL ON ANY RELATIONSHIP OR LIFE!

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A female reader, Jinny +, writes (19 September 2006):

Jinny agony auntThe age Gap is not really relevant.

If you are uncomfortable with it now then it is likely that discomfort will increase.

If you have enough mutual interests,you both see life from a similar view point, you both love each other for who you are and that thing called chemistry is there then there is no reason why the relationship will not last.

The age gap is often more uncomfortable to outsiders and family than to the couple. This may cause family friction. The sensitive handling of these negative attitudes is esssential within the family and is best dealt with by the couple showing a firm but understanding stance. Do not get into arguements about the situation..."Thank you for sharing your view point, we appreciate your concern, but we are happy"...then change the subject to a concern or interest of the objector!!

The most important quality the age gap couple MUST have is a sense of humour....this will get you over any potentially embarrassing moments!!!

Lastly do think long and hard..try to foresee the problems that may occur 20 years hence,disabilities,caring,work strategies, availability of mortgages...all those practical things can cause problems in later life.

Then ask yourself honestly....Will I cope??

If you automatically think...will WE cope, you are onto a winner because already you are thinking as a couple.

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006):

i think that age is just a number, however, look at the big picture. how old will he be when you are 45 which is still young and vibrant. will you be his care taker or left alone after he dies of natural causes? When he is gone out of your life and consumed all of your youth, who will want your old ass? the only reason i think that people should stick to people close to their own age is because you want to be able to grow old TOGETHER! of course you can walk outside and get hit by a train, i'm not talking about mishap, i'm simply talking about the time line in terms on man's life span. so don't short change yourself. i used to like older men bcz it fascinated me somehow...perhaps it made me feel like more of a woman...don't get caught up in that....be true to yourself!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006):

i think its beautiful. most peoples relationships on here are a bit more in the age difference than mine but still. my boyfriend is 27 and im 18. it seems the older you are the more okay it is. but when someone isnt in their 20's yet it sounds a bit aweful. but im deeply in love. and its not just beucase im young. lol.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006):

i believe age is simply a number and should not be a barrier for anyone to get 2gether.im 26 my partner is 53 and were a house on fire we get on extremely well.we fell n love7 months ago and now were inseperable. a tmarriage requires trust and love as a foundation. so if the foundations are right nothing can rock ur marriage no matter wat people say and think. now adays people are too concerned to wat people our so called society thinks? although people say we have a cultural difference me being asian and him non asian..and we will not last! but i tell u their wrong..and we will prove these people wrong! true love is the meeting of souls love sees no difference in colour, creed, faith watever.love see's no differences.i wish everyone out there best of luck to meet their true love and not worry abt age.love is beautiful at any age.im thankfull to god...ive found mine and i cherish each day. i love my boyfriend.loads.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2006):

Well im a 21 year old woman and im so madly in love with my 47 year old partner,the thing is you always get so many people that are narrow minded and think it's disgusting but it's because they havent't got lives of their own,i ignore what people say the only time it does hurt is when people mistake him for being my dad and when people think that i am just a gold digger after his money.Life is too short and you must do whatever makes you happy and if you are both happy and in love then go for it,get married.Age gap relationships are so common now and they are becoming accecptable to so many people because there are so many celebrities aswell going for it.Follow your heart and be happy.

Good luck.

x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2006):

I am 28 and my husband is 60, we have been married for over 6 years and are very happy. Of course there will be issues with such a relationship but if you love each other that is all that matters. We have loads in common, much more than some of my friends who are my own age.

If you are happy that is all that counts.

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A male reader, chambersemu +, writes (6 October 2005):

My answer to your question is "yes" I am 61 married to a lady 26. We are inseperatable . We have a true and genuine love toward each other.I know its hard to find people who except this.

But you know in your mind like i do we are happy. I think only people in our situtation really know that age is not a problem. Some people prefer younger some prefer older, If its love -who cares. go for it. I wish you all the best.I hope your as happy as we are with my 31 year age gap.

Dont listen to those jealious non-understanding so called experts. "love is love" Theres no mention in the bible about this or in country,s laws (only very young marriage).

I been through all this - looked at - men ask me to take my daughter(wife) out. Been called crazy for wife so young

-Been told she only wants your money(im, not rich).There just people who dont have a clue. Your a very lucky man. I very happy that we know geniune love has nothing to do with age.Enjoy your beautifull wife and dont listen to any criticisms. I dont . byeee bryan .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2005):

I am in a similar situation. I am 31 and dating a 52 year old. While the 21 year age difference does seem significant on paper, we really do act similar in age. I get so much grief from family and friends because they can't understand how I can be attracted to someone so much older. We have been dating for 5 months and love each other deeply. The down side which he and I discuss often, is what would it be like in 20 years when I am 51 and still wanting to be very active playing tennis, running, hiking, etc. and he will be 73. Will he be able to keep up with me? Also, statistically, he will probably die 25 years before me. How depressing. But, if you really believe there is true love between you, I say go for it. Don't let this special person out of your life just because of age.

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A reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (15 June 2005):

Mickey_Powell agony auntThe only way you can make a marriage successful is to be in love. If you are in love it will be successful. If anyone thinks it won't work, they are all wrong. Because all you need for a really strong marriage is to have trust one another and be strong for one another. You can make it work if you love each other.

Good Luck!!

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A reader, communicatrix +, writes (15 June 2005):

communicatrix agony auntI believe that age is a state of mind...up to a point. Such a large age gap is less of an issue when the younger partner is 35, but there will still be great cultural differences.

The biggest potential issue that I can see (outside of the possibility already mentioned about the younger partner outliving the older by quite a bit) is if the younger partner is female and wants to start a family. Having children is a pretty taxing experience which I think is probably best left to the young...or, younger than 60!

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A female reader, Wendyg United Kingdom +, writes (15 June 2005):

Wendyg agony auntAge is merely a number as they say. Its up to you if it will work and how the two of you are together. There is nothing to say that you cant be together and that it wont work. there are countless marriages where the couples are the same age or similar age that ends in divorce... so it not the age, its more how the two ofyou get on and if you want the same things then go for it. There is a down side to it though, that being such a huge gap as this, the chances of you being together for as long are cut somewhat, this sounds harsh, but its possible that you will end up outliving him by quite a way, but in saying that you never really do know. If you are both happy and really want this then why let anything stand in your way, we only live once, so do whats going to make you happy!

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