A
female
age
51-59,
*t the end of my rope
writes:I have been with my man for 13 years. In beginning our sex was mind blowing ! And over the years it has gone up and down ! But the last couple of years he doesnt think he should do anything . Well when it is time to have sex then he is up for that . But I should do everything to get him turned on and myself. We have gone weeks with out having sex. And he seems to get hard faster and gets bigger when we are fooling around .But we don't have sex.I know if I don't cum it just keeps building in me . And I know that in the past that is how he was .And we would have a great orgasm at same time. But as of late it isn't working like that. I will wait for him and then we will start fooling around and I'm turned on and wanting to have sex now and he should be in same place. But he is taking long time to get it hard and isnt super Horney like he was the night before. I will ask him if he masterbated and he will tell me no .So if he didn't then did he have sex with someone else? Then he says that's what happens if he goes with out to long .Or he blames me. But No I don't want to do all the work for both of us. I think he is messing me around . What do you think ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2016): When there is a breakdown in communication; you can believe the relationship is deteriorating and possibly coming to an end. You can't trust a partner who will not discuss their feelings or issues; and if there is no trust, there is really no relationship.
If he can't talk about it, often it is because you're not really listening when he tries. You only want to hear what you want to hear. There really are no words to express why our feelings change. Only the fact things seem off-kilter.
If arguments have increased, he seems to be distancing himself, you become more irritated with each other, and you you find sex has now declined in frequency. You're both getting older and you may not have the sexual-chemistry you used to have.
The sex is no longer the same, maybe because over time his feelings have changed. Just because yours haven't, that has no bearing on his. He may not feel the attraction he used to have, because as we age our bodies change. Sometimes drastically.
I think you're mature enough to know that relationships change as time passes. For better or worse. When things decline and you're the only one trying to keep it going; then you have to decide when it is time to call it quits. Most men don't like emotional drama; so they avoid discussing the relationship. Leaving it all in your hands to deal with it.
If that happens, you grow-up and make adult decisions. You want more sex, but it he's not on the same page. He will not discuss it; but you've discovered that he is on dating sites and trying to find new friends. That would be an indication to me he is losing interest in his relationship with you. Therefore, the quality of intimacy isn't the same from either side of the relationship.
A
female
reader, At the end of my rope +, writes (17 September 2016):
At the end of my rope is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well I want to clear some stuff up. First I have done most of the things you wrote except the doctor. He has always been my best friend and my hero ! I love him and the rabbet stage it has lasted for years. I am n't putting him down. I think life and mistakes are getting in the way.. But he won't open up and help me fix the stuff we have done wrong. We had that kind of relation ship that I only dreamed about. I am 8 years older than him.I had been threw a lot just before we met. And love lust wasn't what I was looking for from anyone. When I first met him Imthough dam he's hot but a freak.We tried to hook up but to much nevesence and it was bad. The next time my ex walking in and that finished that. But the third time was an out of body experance. Then he was gone for 6 weeks and we talked about everything. And up till a year or so ago we always could . But everything has changed and I don 't know how to fix t and I can't do it on my own. He talks to people on line very secretive about it. He goes on dating sites and lies about it . Or I find friends list men and women.. Friends ?..but he will tell me those are my friends. He increase web sites deletes stuff . Why ??? I have said to him . I love him but f he isn't happy then he needs to tell me straight. And f he ants someone else to let me know. I have been understanding and not so much anymore. I don't want it to be like that angry all the time no trust. I want our life with back. I think if we can work threw this together that it will be even better . I want my hero back ,my best friend. About my age and things changing with his body . I get that but I still want sex and I am still have mind blowing orgasmes as does he when we do have sex. There is something no right with him and now with me . I wish I knew how to fix what ever is wrong .I need another man to sit down and have a real good talk to him and help him get to where ever he needs to be. I just want home to be the best me he can be for himself. And I may not be what's best for him. But I hope that's not the case. I just need to be on the same path and know for sure he there beside me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2016): There are many reasons than can cause the decline.- age.Progress of age cause many changes in the body like decline of hormon levels, weakening of the heart, prostate enlargement, etc. - Boredom of having the same thing for a long time like in long term marriages.- Breakdown of communication and disagreements, disputes, belittling each others opinions which eventually cause falling out of love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2016): I agree with WiseOwl.I am 15 tears younger than my 63 year old boyfriend.As much as he is attracted to me and loves to have sex with me, his body has slowed down. He has no choice. Believe me, no man given a choice wants his sexual abilities to slow down. But it's natural and to be expected eventually. You just have to be willing to compromise, be creative and yes, put more work into it. BOTH of you. my BF performs though. He always makes sure I climax over and over. And he almost always has an orgasm. He used to have them every time we made love but sometimes he can't. But he still loves being inside me or giving me oral sex. And I love giving him blow jobs and touching and caressing his whole body. I arouse all his senses and make it a total body experience. I actually love to work hard for him. And he in return works hard for me. An older man loves the whole experience on a sensual level. They may like gentle and sweet one day and animalistic and intense the next. You go with the flow. And accept this. Not question or blow it all out of proportion. I understand your concerns about his playing elsewhere but at his age, I seriously doubt it. I don't think that's it.I do think you need to change your way of thinking and your expectations. And stop laying all the blame on him. Sex will always slow down somewhat over time. Even the greatest sex. You have to just be more accepting and creative. Work harder at pleasing him without always keeping score. And never complain to him. Men hate being nagged. You will make him think sex with you is a chore or duty and take all the passion and fun out of it. He will feel pressured to perform and that can be a turn off and push him away.Drop the subject. Work on connecting again as a couple. Start with snuggling and hugging and kissing. Then once you are connected again begin taking it further. Remember what it is you did in the very beginning and do that again. Escape with each other in the moment and enjoy the whole experience.. mind, body, soul.. and forget the real world and any disillusionment you have with each other. Make him feel like your hero and that he can do no wrong inside and outside the bedroom. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2016): He's getting older. He's not 25 anymore.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (15 September 2016):
That is one of the many things that a woman will think.[1]He is making love to someone else[2]He does not find me attractive anymore.[3]If he masterbates .This is a super sensitive issue for any man and also difficult for any woman to understand.Would you consider sitting down with him and having a quiet indept gentle chat with him,and suggesting a visit to the doctor,or a counsellor to talk things out and maybe get some help for your husband and help that you could understand his situation better.This can happen to a man at any age,and the wife will become very hurt.Its very important that you both have some help.Kind regards NORA B.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (15 September 2016):
 Well, a few things spring to mind. People's sexual responses change through life. Assuming he is the same age as you, he may just have "aged". People do often get lazy as relationships progress. The effort they willingly put in at the beginning, during the honeymoon period, seems far too much bother 13 years down the line. Rather than telling him what you don't like, try telling him what you miss, what you would like more of (men are not as good as women at reading between the lines and often need things spelling out to them in black and white, to avoid confusion or misunderstanding).Lastly, accusing him of other sexual activity, just because the poor man may not be able to perform on command as often as he used to, will not get you any results. Not good ones, anyway. Perhaps he needs reassurance, rather than accusations?All this makes me sound like a male, but I am not. I just feel quite sorry for your bloke because you are obviously very demanding in the bedroom. If the roles were reversed, and he was the one accusing you of having sex with other people because your sex drive had dropped over the years, how would that make you feel?
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