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Frank B Kermit
writes:The Secret Of Seduction is that it Happens in the FutureBy Frank Kermit ND, RelationshipsThe future is where actual seduction takes place. That is the key to seduction. It has very little to do with turning someone on when you see them. If you happen to run into someone that is already attracted to you for the way you look, the way you carry yourself, or your presumed status in that environment, that is not seduction. That is getting lucky. That person already liked you, and all you have to do is not screw it up by acting creepy, obnoxious or socially awkward. In fact, if someone already likes you enough just because of such factors, you end up getting a higher margin for errors in case you do act in an unattractive way. In those cases, you get the connection, not because of your unattractive qualities, but in spite of them.The principle behind the secret of seduction happening in the future is that if you can get the other person to create a future with you in their minds, you have begun the process of seducing that person. For example, when talking about your future hopes, dreams and goals it is seductive to also include the fact that you want someone to share that future with, and demonstrate the role that the person you are talking to (or a hypothetical someone else) could fill in your life. The more you can elaborate describing where someone can fit into your life, the more that person will build a future with you in their minds. That builds up attachment and attraction. The premise behind this is that although our conscious minds can differentiate between reality and fantasy, our subconscious mind does not. According to the subconscious mind your fantasy is as real as the reality of the situation, and your emotions react to your fantasies as if they were real. That is why, each time you remember something (whether a good experience or a bad one) you may also relive the emotions of it, and carry those emotions into your present day life. That is why one of the ways to get over someone is to break the pattern of imagining what your life would have been like if you had stayed together. Get it?This is not some kind of manipulative tactic. It is a way human beings process information and emotionally react to it. In fact, most of us do it to ourselves all the time. If you have ever fallen for someone that you did not even date yet, it is because of this principle. People seduce themselves. We get ourselves attached to careers we never tried, vacations we never had, and people we have never dated just because we spend so much time fantasying about what it is going to be like in the future, that we get confused between the fantasy future we build, and the reality that we haven’t even had the job interview, traveled to the location nor had the first date. This is why when you are interested in someone; the longer you wait to make a first move, the worse it is. If you spend your time day dreaming about dating someone instead of making your move, the fictional future you are creating will actually make being a real relationship with that person even more difficult. You will not only be distracted from getting to know that person, you will also have to battle your own unrealistic expectations that could cloud your objectivity. The reality of dating will never live up to the fantasy of dating, and you could end up disappointed and break away from an actual emotionally healthy love because you were too caught up in forcing that person to live up to the mold you created in your head.Now, can you imagine what it would be like to talk to this person, find common traits with this person, share personal experiences with this person, and have this person be an important part of your life even though you don’t really know this person? If you can, I will see you in the future. Reply to this Article
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reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (28 May 2013):
Frank B Kermit is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi Relationship Chef,
Quasimodo is a fictional character in a novel. Therefore it is not history you are siting as a basis of supporting your argument.
In a perfect world, you are right, it would be simpler to see the inside of a person. I advocate that in my practice when trying to decide if you want someone should have a role in your life (romantic or not).
Your reaction to my article is out of proportion to its content.
-Frank
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reader, Relationship.Chef  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 The fallacy of "seduction"I wonder how many people, enticed by the notion of seducing someone, have truly understood the meaning of the word.Thefreedictionary.com gives three meanings. Third is to “win over, attract”, second is “to induce to engage in sex”, and, first, and, primary meaning is “to lead away from duty, accepted principles, or proper conduct”. Primary meaning is also closely associated with “to lure”, with the only exception that “lure” means to entice with the promise of a reward, while “to seduce” offers no reward.Let’s think about this one. Attract a [woman] with the promise of sex, thereby having her break all the proper etiquette and accepted behavior, yet offering her no reward for her troubles, save for excitement of the moment.Wow. What a concept! I’m sure when summarized like that, no woman could or would ever resist such a tempting offer.Yet, why? Why bother? A simple observation can easily single out ordinary curiosity and attraction for everyone. Don’t believe me? Re-read “The Hunchback of Notre-Dame” by Victor Hugo. Esmeralda was the most beautiful woman in town, and, Quasimodo, well, he was Quasimodo. A creature so ugly, his name became synonymous with the word “hunchback”.So, history tells us that even the ugliest creature has something beautiful going for them, and, also, something that holds attraction for opposite sex. Then, wouldn’t it be a simpler path to discover that inner (and outer) beauty and learn to recognize those who admire these qualities in us?Or, is it more believable to feed your brain with “this technique cannot fail”, or, “this is the surefire online opener!”?Are we willingly deceiving ourselves, or, are we willingly allow charlatans to take our money, while feeding our sense of insecurity?
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