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The relationship's gone sour and I want to walk away, but then I'm afraid that he'll harm himself...

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 March 2006)
A female , *my* writes:

Hi, i dont know whether to break it of with my boyfriend permenantly or not? PLEASE help me.

Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years, im 18. The thing is, i have had feelings for someone in the past 6 months. i have been very tempted and i have flirted a lot with him.

Also the other day i found a txt on his phone from another girl i know. i confronted her and she said that they met up and he has been talking to her, txting her and emailing sayin he wants to meet. she also said that she doesnt think she has done anything wrong because HE said that me and him wernt going out...

we argue a lot, over very petty things. me and him always want to be right. but i love him very much, in a way i want to leave him. things just havent been right recently, including the sex.

However he has just recently told me that he thinks he has testicular cancer and he is really depressed. he has even thought about killing himself. i dont no how to feel and what to do. he says that im the only thing in his life that matters!

I want him to go to the doctors and get it checked out, he says there is no point and he knows he has it (thinks he has since he was 15, but was so depressed he didnt want to tell anyone!) he says there is no point because he wants it. He only says this when we argue and break up... he says he wants to kill himself and i no that he self harms.

The situation is so hard, i no im going to get ill with the worry. i recently broke it off with him because of the other girl and bcos everythin was going wrong. but then he was saying to me that he was going to kill himself because he doesnt have me.... PLEASE HELP ME

I REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE

View related questions: depressed, flirt

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2006):

If indeed he is sick, then he's using his sickness to make you stay and make you feel guilty. That is very obvious to you I can see. Since you are dependent, this situation is a bit more difficult to solve. However, the difficulty is not great.

First, ask yourself, when you let go, will you be able to let go when he cries and pulls a knife to himself? It's extreme, but you have to look at it that way. In short, since you can't do any of what I suggested before, I advise you to break up with him anyway. This time though, bring someone you trust with you - another male friend (might not be good), an older stronger family member, a mentor, etc? This is for your safety. Your bf is mentally fragile right now, and so you must be secured before doing anything like this.

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A female reader, amy* +, writes (1 March 2006):

amy* is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hey, its Amy.

Thats really good advice...the only thing is, i dont have a car at the moment. i would do that, but its so hard. i dont no how to get him to the doctors!

He says that he is truly in love with me and im the only good thing in his life. everything is goin bad for him apart from me... blah blah. i really care for him and i love him so much, but i think its time to end things.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2006):

Damn, this is so easy to solve. I know there are emotional obligations here, but you know what? You're not responsible for his life. Follow these steps:

1. Ask him to go see a movie with you, lock the doors, and buckle him in, but then take him directly to the doctor.

2. Make sure the doctor sees him.

3a. If he resists and runs away, yells at you, etc, etc, tell him to get out of your car and drive away.

3b. If he doesn't resist, make sure he goes through everything to get it checked out.

4. Break up with him when everything done (includes 3a).

5. Get on with your own life.

If you see in the newspaper of his own demise in the next week or so, then cry all you want, but know that it was his own damn fault and not yours. That damn bastard of your boyfriend needs to grow up and face life. There are harder things in this world than losing a girlfriend and losing his life.

*See my rating go down because of my advice! Grrr!

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