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The perfect boyfriend but I'm not sure if I like him or love him?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 December 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2010)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hey guys,i think im confuse.im not sure anymore if this is "love" im feeling towards my 2years boyfriend,or just my hormones talking.well..lemme tell you about my situation.i came from not-so-happy-family.people say im very cheerful and opstimistic,but its very rare for me to talk about my problems to others even my own mother (shes a single mum).but i love her,my family to the most.somehow,looking at how my family is,ive learned that there wont be someone helping you in this life all the time and i have to think ways to stay alive.yet,i survived on my own.which then lead to my attitude of not-going-to-ask-for-help-unless-VERY-desperate.

Which then,cause me to grow too independent,too strong that ive grown to be more cold.im becoming more emotionless,that im starting to think maybe im simply just a cruel person who never think about others' feelings.bear in mind,im saying all this because someone point it out to me about "this change in me",and that was the first time somebody had actually being very frank and honest to me.worst part is,i never realised it until then.

And early this year,i started to open up with my boyfriend,he seems to be happy about it and keep encouraging me to do it often.ironically,its hard to make him to do the same thing.and sometimes we talked about that to the point where we argued.but that doesnt mean he is a bad boyfriend.i can tell you that hes the perfect gentlemen for a boyfriend materials.even when we argue,never once he raise his voice.he will do anything for my comfort,will spend everything in his wallet for me,will stay awake and talk to me til' morning just to make sure im okay.basically,he love me way too much that he would do anything for me.

The problem is me.maybe ive grown so cold towards people,that im not sure if i love him,or just "like" him.hes a great guy.and sometimes i have the thought that theres someone better for him out there,why is he still stick around?i keep wondering what inside his head that i wish i have that superpower that can read mind.haha.

Dont get me wrong.you might think that im the kind who stays at home,sulking because of my broken family.but no,im having this overly-cheerful personality,but somehow inside me aint that warm.i know that.but i think im the only one who knows that.its my first time having a relationship this long,and i REALLY didnt expect that.up to this point,im still thinking is my cold heart make me doubt myself about love,or is it my big ego blinded me?

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A male reader, Fionnlagh New Zealand +, writes (31 December 2010):

Fionnlagh agony auntI think love and relationships in general is a learning curve. It’s never a linier happiness but it’s worth holding onto if it makes you feel something.

All people are different and some more so than others, that when they find someone that they truly connect with, they try extra hard to hold onto to that chemistry and enjoy it for all it’s worth, because it is rare to find people that would stay by your side.

So I wouldn’t beat myself up about analyzing yourself and your thoughts too much. We all have our pessimistic moments. I would suggest just not letting them become a reality by believing such negative ideas about love and friendship. Be positive and enjoy what you two have. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy.

The fact you’re talking about this and thinking about this shows you have more empathy and care for yourself and others, than most people do. That’s a good thing, trust me, you’ll grow into awesomness! Happy New Year!

“Love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.”

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