A
female
age
,
*amACheater
writes:I need to know if I should talk to his wife? I had an affair with a man that I knew was married. He has four beautiful kids. We only saw each other while we were in Germany together over a 5 month period. He told me his wife was divorcing him after we had already been sleeping together. He was upset that his wife had made this decision, but I didn't care. He even told me that he loved his wife, and wanted her back. That didn't stop me from asking him to drive me to the airport when I was leaving Germany, and stay with me overnight at the Sheraton. We emailed each other and spoke on the phone a few times. When he went home to the states, his wife found one of the emails. She was very upset, and threatened to beat my b***h a**. I never answered her emails pleading to talk to me, and even said she was sorry for her initial response. I called their house and told him that he needed to get her under control, because she messaged my daughter on Facebook. She called me back, we spoke for about an hour, but I still denied the affair. This lady has begged me to just talk to her and give her my side. I didn't want my husband and family to know, but she sent a letter to my husband. Should I speak to her? Should I tell her what she needs to know? What kind of person am I if I refuse? I am happy in my safe cacoon, and don't feel that I owe anyone anything.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): If you want to do the right thing then don't talk to her. You can only to more harm than good. You didn't consider her feelings while sleeping with her husband, why should you do so now? You can only rub salt into a festering wound. Leave not EVEN well enough alone... don't make matters worse by what you might say. You had the chance to be sincere when she contacted you the first time but you didn't. Why would you even want to talk to her again?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Tell her everything!!.What if your cacoon was messed up because he cheated on you? Would want answers?...You would be wrong not to talk to her
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (30 July 2010):
You may not feel you owe this woman anything, but you do owe your husband honesty and fidelity. Remember, she has your phone number; if you don't talk to her, you're forcing her to tell your husband her suspicions.
Your cocoon is not nearly as safe as you think it is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): You really should talk to this woman and tell her the truth. If you were in her position, you would want to know what happened too. If you feel you cannot be honest with her over the phone, then ask her if you can email her instead. This woman already knows you had an affair with her husband... give her your story and be honest, so she can figure out if she wants to move on with her life. And whatever happens, you need to cut all ties with this man. Your selfishness has hurt innocent people. Hopefully, you learned your lesson.
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A
female
reader, IamACheater +, writes (29 July 2010):
IamACheater is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy daughter is grown. She is almost 30 years old. The woman initially only told her she wanted her to tell me to please call her. She hasn't bothered my daughter anymore, only has emailed me and begged me to please just tell her my side of what all happened.
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A
female
reader, IamACheater +, writes (29 July 2010):
IamACheater is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy daughter is grown. She is almost 30 years old. The woman initially only told her she wanted her to tell me to please call her. She hasn't bothered my daughter anymore, only has emailed me and begged me to please just tell her my side of what all happened.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 July 2010):
 She can be blocked from your daughter's Facebook, that is simple. Or you can report her to Facebook for harassment, you may deserve some harassment, but your daughter doesn't.
Maybe you don't "owe" her anything. If you can't talk to her, send her a short e-mail and tell her to talk to her husband, that you have nothing to say. After that DROP it.
It IS between her and her husband. You are just the .....
on the side with no conscience.
I hope your husband find out. Maybe then you will find some feelings in yourself. Since I doubt you would tell him yourself. I don't know how anyone can be so unfeeling though or have no decency or morals.
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (29 July 2010):
wouldnt you want to know?
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (28 July 2010):
 This man deceived you in sleeping with you first and then telling you his wife was divorcing him. Sounds (judging from her reaction) that he was lying.
You are just as much involved in the cheating - as you readily admit - by having sex with him knowing he is married and told you he loved her and wanted her back - SUCH consideration he showed for his wife - HA! Between you you have already done plenty of damage.
In your shoes, I'd leave well enough alone. You spoke to her on the phone and denied the affair - another brazen lie, this time by you - and I can understand why she is so angry and upset. Might be best if you change or close your daughter's Facebook account. Not that your daughter will thank you, but what do you expect with all this mess? Your daughter is not to blame for what you did, but she shouldn't have to put up with emails from the wife.
I feel sorry for your husband and daughter, and for his wife and kids.......
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