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The married man I'm seeing has now pulled back. What am I supposed to think?

Tagged as: Cheating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2015) 10 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2015)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I met a man, he's married. We've been seeing each other but only slept together that first night... It's been 5 weeks of texting and short visits. We have very strong feelings for each other. He said he doesn't want to drag me into his mess, also said there having tense heated divisions abou divorce. He has pulled back and now says he needs our relationship to be one of friends. What am I supposed to think? I don't ask him questions about his wife because I know he's working on things.

View related questions: divorce, married man, text

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A female reader, boo22 United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2015):

boo22 agony auntHi.

I totally get why you are doing what you are doing.

I was seeing a married guy once. Id known him for 32 years on and off before he started waging a campaign to get into my knickers. He said all the right words and we spent four nights together over a couple of months in very expensive hotels. By the way, id always had a crush on him.

He too had huge dramatic problems in his personal life with his parents and sister and he would blame this for his crazy behaviour and swear each time was the last and he was backing off and then a couple of weeks later he would be back again, begging to meet up for one last time

Its all exciting at first, but im telling you hun, you will end up not believing a word he says in the end, and you will feel used and foolish down the line.

Dont listen to what he says, just watch what he does. Thats all the counts..... when you like someone , you are there! Not at home with your mrs

Good luck x

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A female reader, missystar Singapore +, writes (30 March 2015):

missystar agony auntHe is MARRIED. Do you even know what that means?

Stop trying to come in between someone's marriage, how would you feel if you were married to someone and you had another woman trying to break you apart?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (30 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYou are supposed to think that he's trying to work on his current situation and you need to BACK OFF.

He's married. Until he has a piece of paper that says he's NOT married (a divorce decree) then no matter where he lives or what he does HE IS ANOTHER WOMAN'S HUSBAND.

You leave him alone totally. I would not even bother to be friends with him.

What are you hoping for?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015):

that he's gone back to his wife

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2015):

You are lying to yourself, just get rid of this loser and move on.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (30 March 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt You are supposed ro think that probably he is letting you down easy.

Maybe he is really tryong to patch things up with his wife, in which case he is being wise in not wanting to pursue a mistress, which would do nothing to help the process along. Or else it was just an once off, one of those things which first sizzle then fizzle , and his marriage gives him the right excuse to pull back fast.

Either way, not only he is married but he also signals clearly his will of discontinuing the affair, so, there's not much to think about, alas, other than being glad you are forced out of a wrong choice that probbaly was going to result detrimental to you in the long run. Now you can date some single guy who could give his time and attention to you only- no sharing.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

When you're borrowing the company and penis of a man who belongs to another woman; you can't make too many demands, or have high expectations. He used you as backup when his wife was physically and emotionally shutoff, and unavailable.

He's now going through that phase where he's having mixed-

feelings. Those being specifically being feelings of guilt, and shame. He now sees you as a regret and a mistake.

You needn't bother asking questions about his wife; because he will not grant you access to that information. It's on a need to know basis. The less the women he is screwing-over know about each other, the better off he is.

Collect your dignity and move on. It's really all you can do.

Just for the record, you're the mistress. What you think may not really matter as far as he's concerned. At the moment, you can start searching for something better. Perhaps someone single and available.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (30 March 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntYou have two choices... Both are pretty bad....

One: Remain this guys bit on the side and go through the dynamics as his marriage dissolves... and THEN he dumps you.... OR,....

Dump his sorry, lyin', cheatin' a$$ now.. and live with that anguish.... but content yourself that - at least - you didn't prolong the situation....

Good luck...

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A female reader, Gladtohelp United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2015):

Gladtohelp agony auntHe is married. Move on and find someone who isn't married. Your worth more than that. Focus on yourself. Don't chase him. He a grown man I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI'd cut it off entirely.

HE IS MARRIED. WHAT is so hard to figure out?

Yes you have INTENSE feelings... LUST, ATTRACTION but that doesn't make it any more "right".

He CAN NOT DATE you. HE is married.

I'd tell him that when/if he gets a divorce to call you and IF you are still single by then, maybe something can happen.

WHY do women DO this to themselves? I don't get it.

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