A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I started a job and the second day this married man asked for my number in case he ever had to talk to me. About 6 months later we have gone to lunch two times and for a few hours each time. I saw him 2 weeks ago and we had a glass of wine after work he told me I was like a sister to him and I was like his pal and we hang out good together. This was very confusing to me. I have ignored him for 2 weeks and he called me today to find out why we havent talked and asked me how sales were going. at the end of the conversation he said well i just wanted to say hi I am going to the beach for the weekend. I am very confused with this guy I think he likes me and we have some pretty intense looks at each other but he says I am like a sister to him. this is a very strange situation maybe someone can shed some light on this. When I am with him I feel so happy and just content although I will not cross that line with a married man. Then he talked about being with another girl who walked by when we were together having lunch making comments? Why would do this in front of me is he testing me or am I truely like a sister to him. I am sorry but "like a sister" to me is a cop out for i like you someone let me know what you think?
View related questions:
married man Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  + ♥, writes (29 March 2008):
 I also believe that is sounds like you're enjoying the attention. If you would never go with a married man and he thinks of you as a sister, that would be perfect. If he is sincere and you really mean what you said, that would be an ideal male/female friendship without compromising integrity.....BUT, you seem to be concerned that he wants more and at the same time, seem offended that he only likes you as a friend. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. So does the guy. Why would he say he "likes you like a sister" ? What is the purpose of that? How did you get on to that topic? I would imagine he's trying to justify to himself, his involvement with you. If he tells himself you're just a friend, he can give himself permission to carry on with this risky union. And you, telling yourself you would never go with a married man can justify spending time with another woman's husband. This way, you've told yourselves it's all innocent while in reality.....it's not. How do I know my statements are probably true? It's simply the fact you had to ask the question. That proves the thoughts have crossed your minds and that is not a good way to start a "friendship".
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 He wants to treat you like a pal but relationship is not
distinct like black and white .
There are areas that are grey.
Your relationship may blurred and someday either you or him
may cross the thin red line and become more than just friends.
You may not realize it.
It just creeps into your relationship.
You may say you won't go there but so many people have said
that before but ended up having affairs.
Any relationship with a married man is insidious.
In the beginning, it is always harmless and inconspicuous.
The after work drinks and the fun and sharing together.
It creeps stealthily and by the time you slept with him ,
you realized you are too deep in it to get out.
This is the usual scenario..
...............................
A
female
reader, BigSis  + ♥, writes (29 March 2008):
 Maybe he means it when he says you're like a sister to him. Deep down it could all be innocent, and he showed it by calling you and asking you why you hadn't spoken to him. Could be that he just needs a friend to talk to and finds your company just pleasant.
Please don't get me wrong here, but could it be that perhaps there might be that little hint in your mind that maybe you want him to feel attracted to you in another way?
You said yourself, you wouldn't get involved with a married man, so you are in control, carry on being friends but don't give him any indication that your friendship could go further. He could be waiting for that opportunity, but men do get the message if it's made clear to them.
A man can easily make the first moves on a woman, it's happening all the time, but it's up to woman whether or not to allow it to happen. Us women, if we really want to, can be very persuasive, towards any man, whether he has been happily married for a week, a year or even for 50 years).
Hope this has helped.
Best wishes, BigSis xXx
...............................
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (29 March 2008):
 I agree with rhythmandblues2 about maybe you wanting more even though you claim to not want involvement- you wouldn't be asking the question or testing the waters.
I think the biggest indicator would be if your friendship is a secret. I suspect this is the case so I don't think this friendship is really appropriate. However, guys usually don't tell you they see you as a sister if they are attracted to you but more likely, he wants to come off non-threatening so you feel "safe" with him. It's also another way to get you to push the envelope and flirt with him so he doesn't see you like a sibling (that's kind of insulting to most women)- he's setting you up. Funny, a lot married men will want you to take responsibility for initiating the relationship so they can act like you are always the one that came on to them, hence, they are just "passive" and if they are ever caught, the wife is all to eager to believe this. I think he has you right where he wants you based on your questions. You are already questioning your instincts, his motives, you are confused, you are analyzing things- I think you are in over your head and it's only the beginning. If I were you, I would discontinue your friendship because I think he's a little more sophisticated than you. Instead of wondering what's going on, I would start reading articles online about how these married men seduce- I think you will find your situation similar. You are being ruled by your emotions right now, not by your logic and objectivity and that's how he'll get his hooks into you and he knows he's a step ahead. Sorry.
...............................
A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (29 March 2008):
 First off, I get the feeling from the way you word this, that you are the one wanting more, even though you suggest you would never cross the line with a married man.
Maybe you wouldn't but you are wanting the validation that he fancies you as "more than a friend".
I would tread carefully here, he works with you and is married, this is a dicey combination.
He may be looking for something more a long the lines of a fling. Or he could merely be interested in talking shop with you, only you can be the judge of that.
Really, I would be more concerned about not giving him any encouragement and keeping it strictly professional. I don't know that I would go out for a glass of wine with a married guy who makes you feel so happy and content when you are with him, alchohol and those kinds of scenarios lead to getting into compromising situations, as I am sure you know at your age.
This guy is married, it is a dead end, the relationship has no where to go....just get these thoughts out of your head, and if you can't then you best avoid him for now.
...............................
|
