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The man I'm falling for is everything: sweet, kind, funny...and has a girlfriend...

Tagged as: Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 4 January 2011)
A , anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,

Should I cut my losses a move along, or should i just have more faith and determination??

I've fallen head over heels in love, for the first time properly, with a friend I have made at university. I've thought I'd been in love before but meeting him has made me realise that I haven't!

I'm in my late 20s and I think I know quite a lot about how relationships work, and especially about what I want in a man. This guy is everything I want and need, I've never met anyone like him before - not even a friend - and I know that I couldn't ask for anyone better. He's sweet, kind, polite, sexy, funny, interesting, caring, sympathetic, mature, good fun to be with, good to talk to, a complete gentleman, loyal and trustworthy.

One big snag: he has a girlfriend and has been with her for a year. They do love each other, he's faithful to her (a great thing), but he's not sure he could spend the rest of his life with her and isn't ready to commit to her by living together or something like that.

I told him ages ago that I was attracted to him, we didn't really know each other though, and he explained he had a girlfriend. Since then we've become good friends, see quite a bit of each other, talk on the phone and exchange emails.

I've also told him again that I'm trying not to like him, but am failing! It got too much for me to handle. He was great about it, and listened to me talk about it. I told him that I still really like being friends with him despite that.

Now we seem to be getting even more comfortable with each other. Before we would never touch each other - even by accident - but now we're comfortable doing that and neither of us flinch away. He seems to be flirting with me a little now and he looks at me differently than he did before.

I want to carry on being friends, and hope that one day he'll feel the same, but i wonder whether i'm just fooling myself into thinking this might happen because it's what I want, or whether all I need is to believe in it and keep trying?? I can't imagine him not being in my life now, he makes me feel so wonderful and full of hope, like I've never felt before.

I really don't believe that i'll meet anyone quite as wonderful as him ever again. Do I need to move on or should I just have more faith and take the risk??

View related questions: flirt, has a girlfriend, move on, university

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A female reader, Tbosse South Africa +, writes (4 January 2011):

Tbosse agony auntYou dont want to be labelled a bf snatcher...stay away from men who are taken

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2005):

Well, I don't think you should try and make something happen. if there is something genuine between you 2, it will happen on its own. trying too hard may just cost you his friendship. Just give it some time and don't give up on your friendship. So don't panic and stick with him but don't get too attached and stay open to other options.

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