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The man I had an affair with has called me 8 months after it ended, should I call him back?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 February 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 1 March 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, *nfaithful2071 writes:

I need help! the guy i was having an affair wtih for the pass 3 years called me last night. We haven't spoken in almost 8 months. I don't know if I should call him back! What to do what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A female reader, unfaithful2071 United States +, writes (1 March 2010):

unfaithful2071 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well he called me a couple of time last week and I never answer the phone..I called him back on Thursday...and he wanted to know why I didn't answer the phone. I told me how much he miss talking to me...so i asked him why it took him so long to call me...his answer...he was tired of arguing over our situation...He couldn't deal w/his wife and me at the same time. He also went on to say that it was bad timing for both of us and that I shouldn't have call it off back in high school. That we would still be together. I agree I can own that...the mess up back in high school. He wanted me to call him on Sunday...but I didn't. Even through it was great hearing his voice...i don't think I can put my heart thru that again.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (23 February 2010):

janniepeg agony auntWhenever I see the caller ID on my phone and realized it's someone from several months ago. I think to myself, EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, what do you want from me? Words I could think of, desperation, loneliness, bored. He must have broken up with someone after Valentine's Day. Don't delete his number, so you could ignore it when you see the caller ID.

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A female reader, JustMex United Kingdom +, writes (23 February 2010):

JustMex agony auntDon't. Keep on keeping on. If it's 8 months, you can move on completely now if you let yourself. Are you cheating on someone? Or WITH? If it's the first, you need to determine whether you are actually happy with them. If you're not and haven't been (hence the cheating) then maybe it's time to call it a day. But this doesn't mean the other guys a solution either. IF you're with someone and unhappy and can't fix it, leave them, but don't get with the other guy either. Perhaps being single, getting over both (?) men and having time to yourself to think about what you want is best right now.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (23 February 2010):

mystiquek agony auntIf its been 8 months, and you've made it that far without him, then you can continue to make it without him. I wouldn't call him back, just ignore the call. It certainly can't be a good thing to get things all started up again. You've proven that you are strong and can get along without him, just draw on your strength and "let sleeping dogs lie".

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A female reader, unfaithful2071 United States +, writes (23 February 2010):

unfaithful2071 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I know I can't have both...and I've tried to put a 110% into my marriage for the pass 8 months. But the feeling I have for him are still there...I just want to get over it and move on. My head knows its not right but my heart is telling me something different

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (23 February 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntAre you satisfied and contented with your present life?

If you can answer that question ,then you would know what to do?

Do you want to go back to those days ?

I am sure it was not easy to pull out of that situation and would you want to go back into that quagmire?

Do you want to open the Pandora box again?

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (23 February 2010):

Either divorce your husband for this man. Or stop contact with this man and spend time with your husband. Because at some point you will lose both men and wind up with nothing. Pick one or the other. You can't have both.

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (23 February 2010):

Illithid agony auntIf you're still married to the man you cheated on, do not respond. If you still want to be married to your husband, do not respond. If you don't want to fall back into that adulterous cycle, do not respond. You spent YEARS cheating with this man, now you're considering calling him up again? You WOULD wind up in bed with him again, guaranteed. It's too late to "be friends" with this man.

Pick: Your husband, or this other man. You can only have one.

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