A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for 6 weeks. It’s been going very well other than the past month he’s not felt good. He never gets sick, and when he does it’s for a few days. He has been to the doctor 3 times and it has not seemed to help. He’s obviously getting frustrated and upset that he’s not his normal, energetic self. He’s had to cancel a few dates with me because of this , and I know he felt terrible but I do understand. I don’t believe at all that he’s lying or making this up. He cancelled having Thanksgiving with his family due to feeling poor, and I know that was a big thing for him. We usually communicate almost daily, but the past few days he’s not replied to my text or said anything. I’ve just left him alone. I’m not sure how to handle this... I want to show him I care... but not bombard him with texts. (Which I haven’t). Do I just let him be until he reaches out to me? Send him a thinking of you message? I really like him and honestly felt like the feelings were mutual. Since we haven’t been dating long I’m not sure what to do/say if anything. Thank you.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 November 2018):
 It is all still very early days so it is hard to tell you what he is thinking or what the correct way forward is. Is his illness physical or mental? I think the best thing to do is tell him if he needs anything you are more than happy to help him but at the same time he needs to also reach out to you and not ignore your messages for days. If he has been distant due to illness four out off the six weeks then it might be best to take a step back to see how it is going to play out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2018): Do you know the nature of his medical-condition? Is he depressed, physically-ill, or suffering from exhaustion? Has he been to the doctor for a full medical examination?
This is the 21st century, it is highly unlikely he has no idea what's ailing him. If he doesn't want you to know, stop bugging him.
Men are like grumpy bears when we're sickly; and prefer to crawl into our caves, hide, and lick our wounds. We still let the outside-world know that we're still alive and kicking!
Generally, men don't like discussing their illnesses; or appearing weakened by sickness. Something that is chronic requires medical-attention when it is so debilitating that you're constantly cancelling activities. Has he mentioned being out of work due to this mysterious illness?
My suggestion is to just leave him alone. If he can't be forthcoming and explain what's going on, he doesn't trust you enough to believe it's any of your business.
When people don't respond to your contact attempts, you should back-off. If they don't show you the simple courtesy of letting you know what's going on, consider that to their way of telling you they'd rather you just leave them alone.
Sorry, to put that so bluntly; but repeatedly prodding a response out of someone is bordering more on desperate than concern. Especially when you don't really know them that well. I would also consider his lack of manners as a red-flag, for leaving you uninformed about his well-being. It's not fair when you are genuinely concerned if he's okay!
If I were in your shoes, I would personally prepare myself to believe his interest is wearing-off. Sickness is often a convenient excuse. You don't have to explain it. It burdens the other person with worry and leaves them riddled with questions. It's best to just wait and see if that's the case.
I would think carefully before bringing him soup or a visit. You might appear to be checking-out his story; because you don't believe him. You've only been dating just over a month. Stopping by unannounced might not be a good idea. If he really feels awful; you may not be invited in, or you may not want to be exposed to infection.
I only suggested this; because he hasn't contacted you in the past few days. Leave a voice-mail message you're thinking about him. That's enough. The ball is now in his court.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (26 November 2018):
 I think you have done the right thing showing him you care, i guess there is nothing more off puting than being under the weather and someone keep calling or texting because you haven't replied to them.
I think some token gestures just to let him know you are still thinking about him. Pop him a short but sweet text wishing him better. Send a get well card to him with a short message inside. Or pay a short visit maybe with some items to help him along, but don't stay long.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 November 2018):
 If he is home sick, maybe order and pay for some take out to be delivered?
Or stop by with some nice chicken soup and crossword puzzles, don't stay long but ensure he has some soup and knows you care?
Or you can just send him a text telling him you hope he is doing better.
This is the time of year for the germ factor to go up.
...............................
|
