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The girl I want slept with some else

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 December 2012) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 December 2012)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, *lias me writes:

At work there is this girl that I fancied for a longtime but I never tried to pursue her because she is with someone else. That never bothered me like that , shes always been jokey and flirty with me always saying funny I am and that I am really sweet and and lovely. But anyway the other day there was a works outing I couldn't make because I had to babysit for my sister , she was all Like " why cant you go" and " I am so sad because your not going" but still I couldn't make it. I just found out now that she went off and had sex with another guy at work who is married himself and when other people spoke to her about it in front of me she didn't deny it so its true. I feel like crap i don't know what to do. I always respect people and try to do the right thing yet I am always the on who is single and never gets the one he wants. While a cocky pretty boy who's already married gets her , its so annoying it really depresses me I don't know what to do, why does this stuff always to the nice guys while the people who cheat get all the fun? any help or advice or comforting messages would be so appreciated :(

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A male reader, alias me  United Kingdom +, writes (18 December 2012):

alias me is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all who sent nice comments,as for the guy who called me bitter, there is a difference between being bitter and being heartbroken. I cant help liking her just as much I cant help feeling horrid that she decided to be with a guy who treated her like a hooker and obviously has no respect for his own wife.

At least I know that if I was lucky enough to have a chance of being with her I would treat her right and make sure she was ok. Its not just about getting action so don't say that I am worse than that "bad boy".

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A male reader, JustHelpinAgain Canada +, writes (17 December 2012):

Been there, got that T shirt. Chalk it up to experience and just be happy you didnt end up in a relationship with her as she probably would have a problem being with only one guy for long. If it makes you feel better you could ask het if its true she f**ked X and if she says yes then you can add that you didnt think she was that kind of girl. She probably wont give a toss but it might help you. The reality is that young women can be driven by their hormones just as much as men, at least once a month. A few glasses of wine and a pushy guy and the deed is done. In future protect your feelings for people you know you can trust. However how do you know she wasnt pissed you didnt go and she wanted to show you she didnt care?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (17 December 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWhy would her behavior make you feel like crap?

You did not have her. She was just a co-worker that flirted with you. Perhaps you had it blown up that it would be more because you fancied her?

While her choice to sleep with a married man is not what most of us would approve, it was her choice.

You can only stay true to your own principles. You are quite young yet and time will show you that living by your own code will bring it's own rewards and satisfaction later in life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012):

As so often with self proclaimed "nice" guys. What is your motivation? To often it seems "nice" guys see it "nice" as something that should get them all the girls.

If you were really a nice guy, you would be glad she showed herself for who she is before you got to close. Instead you seem to suggest that a "nice guy" routine should be getting you more action.

You sound more bitter then nice. Women don't like bitter guys at all and who can blame them. At least bad boys are honest about their lack of respect.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012):

Being nice doesn't make you a loser or a weakling. But being nice for its own sake is bad.

You are young and your journey in life as a man has begun. It is natural to feel possessive of the things you love. A very manly trait. However, these are the most crucial years of your life where you define and build your masculine identity.

Don't make the mistake of most young men your age who think that being a man is all about sexual prowess and opportunity. Women don't define you as a man but the principles you live by. Principles are what gives a man purpose, direction, values and character. Living a vain existence in your young age will not make you stand out and be noticed by women.

But living a principled life of purpose, direction, values and character is what TRULY will make you a desirable man to women. These are the qualities real women are attracted to and qualities ALL WOMEN will admire you for.

In the final analysis women don't want and need you to idealize them. They need you to look up to. So start living a principled life instead of chasing the love of women for affirmation as a man.

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