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The girl I love isn't sure about what she wants.

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 July 2011) 8 Answers - (Newest, 24 July 2011)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Need advice, The girl I love has been seeing someone for a while. We live together and have a child together. She said I didn't do the things I said I was going to do and treated her poorly. After telling her how I felt about her she says she stopped seeing the guy. She said she is trying to find out what she wants to do. This was 3 months ago she said this. Now I am getting worried. Nothing has changed. I feel like I am losing her everyday. See has not said anything. I have the ring for her. I don't want to ask her if she doesnt want to stay. I am lost and confused. What do I need to do? I love this girl and don't wont to lose her.

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A female reader, VSAddict United States +, writes (24 July 2011):

VSAddict agony auntIf she won't even talk to you, then why would you still have a relationship with her? Things are always going to be like this. Even though you tried talking to her, it seems like she doesn't care anymore. You've put your best foot forward and she's going backwards. Get along for the child but you two shouldn't be together because she isn't going to change. Find someone who's always willing to make you happy and to make things better when things aren't at their best. Hope I helped.

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A female reader, stephekm United Kingdom +, writes (23 July 2011):

I really do feel for you.I have just been through the same but the other way round, man not woman.He messed with me head so much it drove me to the worst sinario.He kept saying that he didn't know if he wanted more kids, which I could't give him.Don't let this happen to you.If she is not with you then best to walk away.Time will tell if she misses you, then you will know.The pain is immense but go off and find someone that does want to be with you.It will boost your ego and make you feel so much better.I know you don't want anyone else but, think of the fun you could have with someone that's fun!!!and not messing with your head.

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A female reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx United Kingdom +, writes (23 July 2011):

xTheAlmightyDuckx agony auntThis isnt healthy. She is making you feel depressed i strongly advice you that you think about spliting up with her, you may love her but sometimes you for the better of others or yourself you just have to let it go. Is it really worth feeling like un-wanted and like she will run away everyday of your life ?

I think you should look into therapy or anti-depressants it sounds like you have been down to a signifigant amount of stress lately. Im going to be brutally honest with you and just say it sounds like this relotionshop has lost its cause i think you need to end it or maybe if you not 100% in your decision to end it stay at friend or family members for a little while.

I know you mentioned you have a child and i just thought i should mention do you reckon your son or daughter pics up on the tension between you two ? if so it can't be nice for he or she so think about that to.

And i am not insinuateing you would ever do something like this but if you do split up with her please do not just dissapear from your childs life as he or she still needs you init. I only say this because it does tend to happen alot during splits between people x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

She spent last week with me and didn't say anything. We were together every day I was off. And I didn't have the feeling that she wanted me there. Not sure anymore. I am sure I love her. But not sure that she will come around. Maybe I have to do something else. Maybe I need to stop the contact with her right now.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

She has had a while to think. I get sick everyday thinking she is going to leave me for the other guy. He is a lot older than her. I think its just she sees me as a person now not a lover. I try to hug her she turns away. I try to talk she says nothing. She just wants me to leave it alone and how are you suppose to fix something like this. If she either knows what she wants or she just likes seeing me suffer.

I think I have lost her and just have not come to realize it yet. I will never give up on her. I thought I was taking very good care of her. Then I felt like she was pushing me away. So I backed off when that started about a year ago. Started trying to talk to her she would never come home. She would stay out late or go to bed early. So I gave her more space. I didn't so enough attention I guess. I think she love the other guy. But she is going to throw away everything we had for a guy she used to cheat on me with. If he will allow her to do that to me. She will do it to him one day.

I am so confused. I fell like someone hit me with a big mac truck. Been feeling this way for about 6 months. I have tried giving her time. She keeps telling me she needs more time. The world is going to end or I am going to lose it before she tells me what she wants. How do you approach this problem. Do I need to move out or do I stick it out at home and wait and see what she does.

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A female reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx United Kingdom +, writes (23 July 2011):

xTheAlmightyDuckx agony auntWell now you have explained the sitaution better, it does sound to me like she is maybe just dragging this on.

If she is not willing to speak about it or even try to improve your relotionship then there is really nothing you can do. And you are right life is short and you do need to enjoy it to the fullest and being in a relotionship where the other person can't decide what they want or when they will make any improvements, is kinda like standing in the middle of the desert waiting for the rain.

I do think you should now tell her that you need a decision off her and her willing to be able to get the relotionship back going but if she can't even bring herself to talk about it. Then i dont think there is much you can do and as much as it will hurt i do beleive you should go with your decision to leave her.

Best of lucck xx

P.s Maybe you should also seek help if you are depressed. Therapy or maybe even anti-depressants are always good.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

She will not talk about it. If I bring it up she just ask me to wait. She is planning on moving I think. I don't know how to not lose her. She just tells me to quit being so depressed. How you suppose to feel when the one you love turns her head everytime you get near her. I have no idea anymore. I was going to ask her to marry me but she said she didn't want me to ask. She just wants to think for a little longer. Life is short. Grab it by the horns and make the best of it is all I am trying to do. I am happy being with her. I don't need her in my life I want her in my life. I have given her all the space I can. Hard to give her to much when we live together. I work all the time. I come home and just want to see her and my child. Maybe I need to let her go. But I truly dont want to.

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A female reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx United Kingdom +, writes (23 July 2011):

xTheAlmightyDuckx agony auntWell why dont you just talk to her ? Communication is the strongest thing in a relotionship and if you dont talk to eachother you cannot find out what is going on in eachothers heads.

Sit down with her and tell her your feelings of how you love her and want to strengthen your relationship. Maybe ask her what made her think you treated her poorly in the first place.

Write down a list of things you could do together to try and re-unite with eachother. Or even discuss what each of you need to change about yourself and work together to get back into a strong relotionship.

I do not think propusing is a good idea at the moment it might make her more confused of what she wants. Be willing to give her space if she wants time alone and hopefully you can work together to get things back on track. Best of luck x

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