A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Relationship stArted 7-8 years ago sent peaches and cream but the first couple months were beautiful. I met him at a time of my life i was hurting and separated from my husband. Anyway I been recalling thinking heavy on our relationship. We have not progress at all together for i stay by myself and he stays with his mother. He has a habit of getting mad or upset or maybe think I was cheating [which i have done in the past]he once spray painted my car with awful words, put water in my tank, slash tires and so on.In 2013, he acted as if I was an enemy, I found him in my home while I was gone. He raised his hands up and left. I was puzzled to even wonder how he had gotten in. The next day my tv was gone, then miraculously showed up outside my door. He slid my panties under my door and stole my tags to my car. After all that he begun to follow me around, call from strange numbers or numbers i know in a disguise voice- Taunting me . One day he found me along the service drive poured some substance on my car. I couldn't see or drive. I was scared i was going to crash. I pressed charges went to trial, lost so much weight i couldn't believe i was sending my son's father to jail. I asked the courts to be loose on sentencing. Something like counseling, family counseling etc... Fast forward to 2017 i ask for a break to rethink the relationship because we wasn't moving together in the relationship. I needed to know if i really do love him or if i was settling. I felt as though he had so much ran on my life and wasn't my husband. I pay all my bills and take care of his son and my daughter without him being on child support. ( Give and take he would watch both children on every other weekend). Last year he gave me a fake ring and proposed. I guess after he made sure I wasn't cheating after checking my phone. I was very hurt by this because s use he fed me lies about it. Still was with him though. I getting older and just want more from a man I'm dating. One day, he was trying to argue and I refuse to. He wanted to talk to our son but that was only to get our whereabouts. After he called my phone several times from strange numbers I knew he was back on his same ole same ole. So I refused to argue figured I just talk to him in the morning. When I woke up he was on Facebook under his alias telling people i had this horrible std. He put it under any guy that commented on my stat also my timeline. That same day my parents told me he stop by at 3 am asking for me. ( I let my parents use my car) when my father brought it to me. I notice that my car wasn't running right it was acting as if it wanted to cut off on me. I knew then he must of put something in my tank. Later he confess to it and offer to pay me for the damages and that i can use his car. I said just pay me back, but I don't want your car. At this time I'm upset and really don't want any communication. He follows me around town for like two weeks Damn in my home took my keys off the table we fought. The next day appeared at my front door with gloves on. I goes a get a restraining order, after he got served the order my rental was damage keyed and all tires slashed. He ended up arrested. Did 30 days in jail NOW he is out on a tether. In some ways i blame myself like maybe the relationship was fine but you was rushing things. Maybe if you told him where you was this wouldn't of happen. I blame myself and feel depress at times because everything spiraled out of control so fast.After all this i still love him, but the safety of my kids comes first. He told me later he was bipolar. Then after court his mom said he had schizophrenia. I don't know whose lying or telling the truth. But why after all these years i knew nothing. Also after filing the PPO i find out his wife was kidnapped by him and hand cuffed. Why am I going through all this?
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a break, facebook, in jail, stalking, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 April 2017):
 I am glad you have ended the relationship. It is classic abuse. You feel guilty like you have done something wrong but the fact is you have done nothing wrong. You just allow yourself to make excuses for him. You need to step up now and realize that this man could really harm you as his thinking really is irrational. Reading it I did suspect this man had schizophrenia. But with that honey means he is a danger to you. The best thing for you to do is stay away from him. If he breaks the restraining order then straight back to the police. Keep yourself and your children safe. Is it possible to move in with your parents for a short time until you can feel more safe and secure?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2017): From all accounts your husband is and remains unwell. Most people with afflictions like schizophrenia are not a threat to everyone else, but remain vulnerable and need support and can be a threat to themselves rather than a threat to othersBut the father of your children is something else. He is not only unwell, he is a danger to you and your children. He is "out now on a GPS tether and no we are not together". That is a good thing and yet his behaviour is still causing you concern. That is a serious red flag and a threat to you and your children.The first thing is to completely sever contact and make sure that you mean it.There have been many instances of an unbalanced partner hurting their own children when supposedly "caring" for their children on an access visit.Or worse harming the children and the ex as they feel that is their solution.Your children would be better off without all this drama.Quietly move away.But contact with the family of you ex. Forget about any and all contact with your ex.Get some legal advice on how you can quarantine your children from any contact with your ex for their safety.His past conduct is a clue to his future conduct. Stalking is a criminal issue. But if he is unwell then he can be found to have not understood that what he is doing is not OK and not acceptable. Small comfort to anyone if he ever goes too far and harms you or your children.Families will often hide or choose to not discuss if a family member who has been violent and or has a mental illness. This helps no one. Families will sometimes erroneously think a new relationship will help "fix" their violent relative or their mentally ill and violent relative to stop behaving as erratically as they did in the previous relationship. This is just wishful thinking.When obsessed and stressed your ex will continue to behave as he has in the past and will likely get worse as time goes on.Move. Relocate. Enroll the children in new schools. Leave no trace. Forget about any contact with the paternal father and mother and siblings of your ex and start living a better life, for you and your children, without fear. Your children are sacred precious and beloved innocent beings. They do not deserve to grow up fearful and scared of what their father might do next to disrupt their lives.I imagine his ex is relieved that she managed to escape her violent ex. He is too much of a threat to you and your children for there to be any contact with your ex.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (14 April 2017):
Keep hanging around this guy and eventually he will hurt you seriously. You need to call the National Center for Domestic Violence. They can advise you on what you need to do to get out of this situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2017): I am no longer with this guy. I did do something about it by getting the PPO which allowed the police to arrest him. This why he did the jail time. I didn't write the topic question Cupid did. He is out now on a GPS tether and no we are not together. As far as his mom is concern the first time I even heard of the schizophrenia was when we went to court. Never mentioned it before. He said his family didn't even know until he messed with my car. Then he went and got meds and still was harassing me.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (14 April 2017):
 Why indeed? I was horrified reading your post. WHY are you still allowing this man to stay in your life?
If not for your own safety, then for that of your children, CUT ALL CONTACT AND STAY AWAY FROM HIM. Given his erratic behaviour, I would NEVER allow him to be alone with my children. What are you even thinking? And how is he getting into your house without your permission? Why are you not doing something to stop this?
Bipolar people do not behave in this way so I think THAT is a lie. Whether he has schizophrenia is for someone with in depth knowledge of this condition to say. If his own mother says he has the condition, why would she lie?
I cannot believe you keep putting yourself (and your children) through all this. Do you thrive on drama or something? (Only asking as some people actually enjoy having lots of drama in their lives.)
Nobody can do anything about this but YOU. Your children have nobody to protect them but YOU. Stop messing around with this man then complaining when it goes wrong AGAIN.
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