A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I Went Out With my boyfriend for 6 months and my mom's friends heard that he was a gangster.. but hes not. he just hangs out with some of them so she told me to break up with him but instead I just told her I did. but I didnt so i went behind her back.. she found out and everything got worse.. and she thought I was picking him over my family so i really did break up with him and then I tried getting over him and i coudnt so i tried being friends with benefits with him and its not working because my mom told me that shes never going to approve of him and she thinks if i even be friends with him then im picking him over her.My relationship with my mom has been really bad and we dont get along but i told her it didnt matter, im still going to be friends with him so she told my i have to try to get over him.. So what i need help on now.. Is I love him a lot, he makes me happy but since my mom is never going to approve.. I guess its never going to work.. what do I tell my ex? becuase we have been just friends with benefits. Should i tell him its never going to work and let him go or tell him i need to work things out with my mom first then me and him can work things out? its hard and we've both tried getting over each other and it doesnt work. my moms never going to like him and she really really doesnt like him. if i tell him cant be friends with benefits any more then i feel like I'm hurting him again becuase we keep going back and forth.. but we're not going to have a real relationship without my mom not liking him. my friends say he should understand and other people say my moms wrong.
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male
reader, Anonymousmale1 +, writes (2 February 2010):
 I try to make it a point to never answer questions posted by women under the age of 18, because I think that they would be better served by talking to their parents. However, I felt compelled to answer this question for you because your mother has already told you what she feels.
With that said, I will answer your question from two points of view, that of former Law Enforcement Officer and a father.
Your mom is doing her best to protect you and for whatever reason you chose to ignor what you know in your heart to be right. You know as well as she does that there is no such thing as simply being friends with members whom are in a gang. You simply chose to accept that lie because it serves you and what you really want to do, which is to be with a man that could possibly cause you your life.
As a former police officer trust me when I tell you that if he's hanging out with gang members, he was a gang member to us. He also is considered a gang member to rival gangs whom view him as a threat.
The day I see him walking down the street and an incident has occured in the area and I stop him, he will be treated as the gang member he really is, and unfortunately if you are with him so will you. Maybe then you will understand the truth behind what your mother is saying.
The above example is a eye opener that you an your mom can both deal with and then maybe reality will set in for you.
However, if we reverse that situation and lets say you and he go to a movie and a rival gang member spots him (and you)the whole situation could turn deadly. This is a situation you mother cannot live with. So many young impressionable teenage girls just like you are now peacefully resting in cemetaries around the country simply because bullets do not have eyes. They placed themselves in harms way because they thought they were in love with a man whom was playing a deadly game and chose not to tell them the truth.
You stated that your mom doesn't like him and as a father I wouldn't either. Her daughter is blinded by lust, not love and this emotion could cost her the life that your mom helped create. How would you feel?
To make matters worse, if he really loved you he'd walk away from his so called friends (if he's really not in a gang), get a job and go to your house and explain to your mom that because of you he wants to be a better man and never place you in harms way. However, we both know that this will never happen.
His whole thing is sleeping with you I am sorry to say. Thats why he wasn't terribly upset with the change in title, "Friends with Benefits". A real man would have declined the offer out of respect and love for you. However, he didn't because it allowed him to continue treating you exactly as the way he really views you, another pretty face on a piece of a--.
Listen to your mom, she'll never steer you wrong. She's only doing what parents are supposed to do for the children they love, that is to keep you safe. If you get a real boyfriend, one who has plans for his future, is a great student and really loves you, I am positive your mom will approve.
You deserve better and your mom deserves a daughter that trusts her judgement and one that will never chose a man, any man over her. She gave you life and all she really wants as all parents do, is for you to become a better woman then she is. Show her that you can be this woman, right now by doing what is right. Let him go! Then go to your mom and beg for her forgiveness and assure her that you would never chose any man over her.
I hope you make the right decision, I know you're smarter than this. Now show your mom that you are.
Sincerely,
Anonymousmale1
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