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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi im 28 I live alone with my 2 children I am still with the childrens father he has his own flat which he is reluctant to give up I have a 8 year old son who has adhd and a 11 month old daughter my partner is absolutely no help at all I have done everything for our kids since the day they were born even after a c section I really feel like im a single parent most of the time I feel so stressed with it all but I can't talk to him as he thinks im whinging and goes quiet and doesn't say a word for hours any suggestions what I can do I don't have any family I can rely on as both my parents are ill and other family members have kids any suggestions would be really helpful thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (26 August 2015):
he has kept his own place because he wants to be free, living the life of a single childless man yet comes to your place for family time and no doubt for a hot meal and other home comforts. Set yourself free from this loser, this relationship is going nowhere and you would find it easier mentally to be officially a single mum. You are already doing it so whats the difference?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2015): I had a child at 20, after marrying very young (not because I was pregnant) to an unemployed man who stayed unemployed pretty much for the rest of his life. My family offered no financial or practical support - I come from a very strongly dysfunctional family. My husband was absolutely useless, never paying child support or offering any support either. This all started out in the early 90's and judgement against single parents was absolutely horrible to deal with. When we divorced I was absolutely penniless, I had nothing. No furniture, no friends, nothing. I was incredibly strong though and absolutely determined to make a better life for my child. When I moved to London no-one would give me a place to rent, even though I was training to be a secondary school teacher at the time, because I was by then divorced and a "single parent" and single parents were considered to be scum. It is definitely no where near as stigmatised now to be a single parent and there are far more groups available today - including dating agencies - online. Online is the best place to start to get support from others. Places like Mumsnet will help to get you started. But you will have to do the work of researching which groups will be best for you to join online and which ones actually offer and exchange support in real terms.One thing you are not clear about is whether you are getting any child support payments from your husband. If you are, then count your blessings because many women get nothing and the benefit's agency cannot force a man to work if he is determined to find excuses not to. Also, if you have your own place then this is another advantage - you don't have to deal with becoming homeless, like my daughter and I did, after we divorced.The knack to surviving is being absolutely, extremely and amazingly well organised. You have to learn to run your family like you would run a small business. Everything has to be scheduled and run like clockwork, including carving out even small amounts of time for yourself, for example to do things like exercise or relaxation, to stop yourself going insane. To have even a little bit of spontaneity you must first be as organised as hell. It will get easier with time but it's absolutely necessary. As a very young woman this was not always easy for me to do - I craved to go out like other young women and just to have no responsibility, but couldn't - I couldn't afford a babysitter, had no support network at all, and spent most of my 20's and 30's marginalised and isolated. It doesn't have to be this way for you. Being organised and building a support network - in which you offer help in exchange for help from others, will be absolutely vital to your survival. Don't even expect your husband to help. I'd recommend divorcing him and going it alone - don't waste time and energy, like I did, trying to change him. He just won't. You, on the other hand, DO have choices available to you. But it's sink or swim time. And you must choose which it's to be for you and your kids.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (26 August 2015):
 Drop them off at HIS place for the week-end or to start out for a couple of hours so YOU can get a little break too.
I don't understand why you are having kids with a man you don't even co-habitat with. I mean seriously? Why aren't you two at least living together?
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