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anonymous
writes: I have been seeing this younger lady for several years. We han not had sex or even kissed. We go out together at least twice a month and we hug at the end of the evening. We to to her place and have coffee and talk. I want to make a move but I am afraid. Sound like a chicken, I know but, I know that I love her more than any woman I have ever met. I am in love for the last time in my life. She is 20 years my younger and she is on my mind first thing in the morning and the last person on my mind at night. She has agreed to go to a christmas party in a week and I want to tell her how I feel. My fear is that I will loose her forever if she does not feel the same about me. How do I tell her? This is for real and I don't need a bull shit answer. Can to give me a true answer or not?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): My friend, I hope you have made up your mind already. If not, and for the benefit of others who may be in the same predicament, here's my advice:She needs to know that you care for her, and you need to take it off your chest. Find a place where both of you are comfortable but has a modicum of privacy, and then tell her in your own words. Something like, "___, there's something I have to tell you. We've going out for quite some time, and in that while I've found myself thinking more of you, day and night. You're the first thing that comes into my mind in the morning, the last at night. There's only one truth in my mind - I think I love you."
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007):
Speaking as a woman, even if she does not love you as more than a friend, if she is half the woman you think she is, you will not lose her if you tell her your feelings. Try telling her as a considerate friend, not as a desperate lover, you can get a woman to start thinking about you that way if you find out what she wants in a mate. If you have not idea what she wants in a man, you had better find out before you tell her. If she wants someone to hold open doors for her, bring her flowers, you can find out that without even asking. If she doesn't even notice that you open the car door or give her a "friendship" rose--yellow is the color of friendship roses-then do you really want her or the idea of her?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): I have the exact same situation right now! Only to complicate things I am together with my girlfriend for 13 years now and not even single. I have met the girl in question in a bar where she works, and from the 1st moment we just have this amazing chemistry going on.
As with you: I love her more than any woman I have ever met. She is 18 years my younger and she’s also the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing on my mind at night.
We are spending more time together than with our own partners. Yes, she has a boyfriend unfortunately. She’s here almost every day and spends hours and hours here.
A month ago I took her to this party and we had an awesome time together. Afterwards we went to a hotel to relax, but nothing happened because I was afraid that me trying anything would ruin our friendship, and I could not stand to loose her in my life!
I know she’s real fond of me, she might even love me, but I’m not sure in what way. She gives of very mixed signals. Sometimes very sexual oriented, but sometimes she makes remarks that totally go against that again, so I really don’t know.
For now I have decided to take it easy. Keep on doing stuff with her, and see where it will take us.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2005):
Well my friend I've had a similar situation before. Not knowing weither to
tell the girl I love her or not to since the fear of losing the friend would
be bad enough in the end if she rejects you. One thing you need to know is
Love is from both sides not just one. You may feel that way for her but does
she to you? That is something you need to find out first and foremost. Know
that all beginning relationships should progress slow to give room to expand
and grow indeptly. Get to know her even more. Of course all girls are
different in ways. A girl I know who was with a guy for nearly half a year
yet she left him for a guy she knows only for four months and married him.
Girls seeks happiness ultimately its weither the guy can provide the needs
to satisfy her or not. In my opinion I wouldn't go straight foward with her
just yet till you are mroe or less certain there is chemistry between you
both. Afterwards by all means if you know her well enough and she knows you
the same way, pop the question. Since you say you're too much of a chicken
to say stuffs a easy way would be through the phone or the internet such as
AIM or via email. Peoples often get nervious and cramp up when talking
directly to the person so rather to do such confrontations do it in words
and elaborate why you can't tell her face to face like "I'm too scared to
tell you face to face so I have to write it in (a email or whatever) how i
feel about you" ect ect... My last bit of advice is this: Though I would say
take things slow dont do it as slow as a snail moving. Last thing you need
is someone else moving into your territory and taking your girl away, then
you would be crying so bad after.
Well I hope my advice proves to be of any value and either to use it or not
is ultimately up to you. Just know that you have to tell her when the time
comes cause its always one side confessing rather than waiting for something
to happen. If she ultiamtely objects to your love than least you know you
gave it your all and hold no regrets to. You wont lose a friend since they
would consider you close since you know her that well enough but it'll be
hard definately for you to move on. I hope you may find your guiding light
to the answers you seek~
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