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Take courage and go back to the ring

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Article - (10 May 2007) 2 Comments - (Newest, 30 May 2007)
A female South Africa, Jovial writes:

I was in the bus this morning when the two ladies were gossiping about a co-worker who is sleeping with her friend’s husband (who happens to be her boss) behind her back. The other one said “oh that woman is very crazy she thinks living it like that will give her any fulfillment? The other said “oh tell me a woman that you know who is married to a man who left his wife for her and he has never cheated on her with another woman? The other said none. Apparently these two love birds are going to get married but the boss will need to leave his wife for her which according to this two loud mouths he will rather die than loose his wife; now I wonder who is fooling who?

Then I remember the saying “what goes around comes around.”

How many couples do you know who had married each other through this process and are happily ever after if there is such a thing? As for me like the two ladies I don’t know anyone. Maybe you do know someone, or that someone is you I don’t know.

I have heard many times when a guy is very hopeful that his married girlfriend will leave her hubby for him same goes for women.

Some years back I heard an incredible love story where two married people had an affair and decided amongst themselves that they are going to leave the spouses for each other. The man told his wife he is leaving her and she was heartbroken but she knew her husband had completely lost interest in saving their marriage so she agreed to give him a divorce.

The girlfriend on the other hand when she tried to break it off with the hubby he begged her to stay because apparently he was cheating also so she used his infidelity to win her candy but the husband insisted their marriage can be salvaged so the wife somehow had a realisation that the man she married is back and she is not going to miss the opportunity of enjoying this new fruit. So she decided to call it quits with the now divorced boyfriend, he was really not impressed with her sudden change of sentiments towards her unloving and uncaring husband as he was told.

He couldn’t bear loosing two women at one go. Burning with anger he resorted to violence he shot himself and the married girlfriend, “unfortunately” he died on the scene and she was paralysed from waist down even today she is on the wheelchair. Unfortunately her husband was not as forgiving even though he found out she was paralysed because she chose him, he hated the fact that she used his infidelity and tormented him so that she can keep the end of her bargain he divorced her and remarried while she sits and weeps and wished she had made a different choice when she can. She lost her friends, husband and dignity and she is still paying for the mistake that felt right at the time. I heard this story 15yrs after it had happened because I was consulting in the company she works.

The question you may ask yourself is: was it worth it for her to lie to her husband and acted like an innocent little wife who was tired of her husband’ infidelity? Do you think if she told him straight what she wanted he would have given her another chance and took care of her? Do you think her behaviour excuses her husband’s rejection? Frankly I don’t know what would have made things right because everything became so messed up that I don’t think it was easy for her to see where she came from, where she was going and how to get there. I believe she wished she had done a lot of things that could have prevented the misfortunes that she faced; unfortunately she cannot turn back the clock and start all over again.

I don’t know her husband or the boyfriend’s ex wife maybe I have met them but I will never recognize them unless they let out the story of their lives, but I know her because her consequences are obvious to anyone who has eyes to see.

This is what happens when we make choices that our hearts tells us are right when our heads says no! our hearts just love to love that is what it does best; that’s why we can find ourselves loving our enemies but the head is the referee we hardly listens too when we are madly inlove.

This woman sits on that wheelchair everyday hoping that a miracle will happen and she will walk again maybe people then will forget what she did because her current situation is a reminder of what happened 18yrs ago. Because no matter how much she tries to move-on the community she lives in doesn’t accept women cheaters they are considered whores but a man is considered an elephant he can eat any tree he wants, so all the two men are excused and she is the immoral one.

What I liked about this woman is the courage that she has, putting up a brave face and goes to work everyday while people murmurs nasty remarks behind her back, she had accepted what her life has become she knows she cant change what happened years ago but at the same time she knows her destiny depends on her attitude towards life and she is prepared to stay with the label but not prepared to let the label determines her future.

So if you are going through the same thing that this woman is enduring you might not be bound to a wheelchair, maybe you turned to drugs, alcohol, or just a “person” who is considered insane because you lost courage to live, how long are you going to let your label determine your zeal towards a better life. You stopped dating, socializing just because you trusted that man or woman would leave their spouse for you and they didn’t or he or she committed suicide because you couldn’t love them the way they expected you too! Just remember what goes around comes around, but that doesn’t mean you have to pay for your mistakes for the rest of your life. You served enough its enough. Get up and show the world what you have got like this woman because life is too short.

Take courage and go back to the ring: Love is a wonderful thing to waste.

Jovial

View related questions: affair, co-worker, divorce, drugs, ex-wife, heartbroken, infidelity, violent

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A female reader, Jovial South Africa +, writes (30 May 2007):

Jovial is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Jovial agony auntI am sorry for everything you are going through. Dont give up now. one day you will meet someone who will appreciate you and love you the way you deserve to be loved. your first marriage didnt work out and that doesnt mean you must settle for less because you feel like its a punishment. like the woman in the article she found peace with herself and that should be your focus now. dont forget you still have so much to live for so dont let a womaniser jeopardise new opportunities for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2007):

you are right - what goes around comes around...well it seems to have done so for me.

I was unhappily married, but my ex didn't want me to leave, so I had a fling. This was not good, so i left - it was difficult to do, but the best thing.

Then, whilst i was single I met a man, who said he was divorced.

Some while later, I found out he was divorced from his first wife, but seperating from his second. He had left his first wife for his second. I gave his a chance though as he said he wished he had met me first.

We bought a house together and lived happily for around 5 1/2 years...then he did the same to me that he did to his other wives, met someone else. Now I am going through heartache.

He is cold towards me now, we are still in the same house, but he wants me out - out of his home and out of his life, just as he did with the previous two.

I have had my punishment for cheating on my ex hubby, but my ex partner will no doubt get his in the future.

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