A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My new boyfriend said he was really shocked how different I look without make up when I stayed at his last week. I dont wear that much make up and have been complimented on my natural skin and facial features. I was really taken back. He does seem to be very clumsy and when I said that was a hurtful comment he said he was just thinking aloud. I now feel self conscious. I cant understand why he would say this with such expression and not realise the impact so early on in our relationship. He said he is very literal sometimes. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2016): He was "shocked" ? Wow yes I would have been insulted. Some men have a very blunt attitude that borders abusive. My ex was like that. He'd dismiss his comments and blame me and call me "overly sensitive" when I got hurt. In the end I got sick of it and my self esteem really suffered so I finished it. Be careful you don't keep on putting up with something that makes you feel bad.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2016): Sorry don't agree with other posts. A man should simply compliment you if he feels you look lovely...Make up or not. He made a statement that had an underlying thought. Maybe its time to monitor these clumsy comments. Write them down keep a log. Then decide whether you want to be with someone that borders on rudeness.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 September 2016):
 Deal with his remarks with total nonchalance.
Maybe he should not have said that because it's a phrase that may be misunderstood as implying " you look uglier or plainer "- but, I think, as he says, that he just meant it literally. Different as in different, not as in homely.
Maybe you DO look quite different, with or without make up. Not necessarily bad looking in either version, just another type. I guess it's difficult to see that on ourselves, but I have always noticed how,curiously, my friends who swear " they look just the same " with or without make up, ... are actually those who look the most different.
Example : I have nice eyes, pardon the immodesty, about which I usually get complimented. They are a rich dark brown, and very big.
They are also very round.
In my " dressed to kill " version, I work with eyeliner and eyeshadow to change that and make them sexier, more exotic, more almond- shaped: SophiaLorenish-like.
In my home version, they are the same eyes, and still nice, I suppose, but they give me a very innocent, girlish, even naive look.
I look quite different with or without make up- but I do not think I look horrible without, or fabulous with.
Simply, my features, like I guess it happens for most everybody, can express different aspects of my personality. I am a simple, normal, down - to- earth type, and ALSO I like to bring out the mysterious , Mata-Harish vibe :) in me .
I bet that you too , some times feel more tomboyish and wear blue jeans and Fruit of the Looms, and some times you feel more glamorous and wear sequins and high heels.
It's not that you can change THAT much changing attire and you will turn fron dog-ugly to beauty queen, or viceversa. It's just that you will play up a part of you, one of your different " personas ", - and that's surprising to someone who has not seen yet all your repertoire.
I think that's all he meant.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (23 September 2016):
 How would you have felt if he had said it the other way round, i.e. "You look so different WITH make-up". Men can be very literal sometimes and I would guess that is exactly what he was being. I bet he doesn't "get it" why you are upset.
I think we (as in females) often LOOK for reasons to be offended. Speaking from personal experience, one of my work colleagues complemented me one day, saying "You look really nice today" and my immediate response was "What are you saying? That I usually look like cr4p?" He was TOTALLY wrong footed and couldn't understand what he had said wrong.
You probably can't alter the way your boyfriend just speaks whatever is on his mind, but you CAN alter the way you react to it. My advice would be that, unless you believe he is saying something to intentionally undermine or offend you, laugh it off and move on. You will both feel better for it. After all, he is still with you so he obviously likes you, with or without make-up.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 September 2016):
 Off course you look different without make up on, all women do, if they didn't then we wouldn't wear make up. Try not take it to personally, he didn't say you where ugly just different. It is a case of foot in mouth. I doubt he meant any harm. Either way I would be glad to be with someone who is honest with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2016): He didnt say you were ugly, he said you look different. Just chill and laugh it off. Dont take things so personally. Sometimes men are stupid and say stupid stuff, its our place as mature girls to laugh at it off and trust me, if he sees that you lighten up he wouldnt feel so bad either. Hed see who you are inside would be way more cooler, thats all that matters in end
Dont make your man walk around egg shells around you
...............................
|
