A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone I split up with my partner but we carried on living together until he found somewhere to live I went out and slept with someone it was just a one night stand I woke up and told him I had a boyfriend even though we had split up just cos i only wanted it to be a one night stand the relationship with my partner was boring he showed me no love or attention at all and he prefers to look at porn than me that was 2 months ago now last month me and my ex boyfriend talked and decided to give things another go so obviously I didn’t tell him about the one night stand as I don’t see any point as we weren’t together at the time but strange things keep happening I was out the other day and my neighbor told me there was 2 girls about the same age as me knocking at my door and looking through my room window this morning I heard a knock at the door by the time I had got to the door they had gone my neighbor said it was a man so my worries are now does this man I had a one night stand with know where I live and do you think it could all be connected it was 7 weeks ago the one night stand and I do regret it because I don’t normally do things like that I’m so paranoid about his Turning up at my door and my partner finding out what do I do thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (20 October 2018):
 I can see how you might think the "visitations" COULD be a result of that ONS... but how likely is that?
Does the guy you slept with know your address? Your full name?
And let's say for shits and grins it WAS him/friends of his... why would they come around your place?
Go get tested for STD's and move on with life.
And IN the future if you find yourself single... don't jump into bed with a man, JUST because you can. While you say you weren't looking for anything but casual, hence the lie about having a BF, you also DIDN'T owe that guy a run down of your relationship status just because you slept with him. Which leads me to think that you really aren't cut out for casual sex. AND THAT is OK!
I DO agree with the other Aunties who suggest you take a good look at this on/off BF to figure out if that is REALLY the guy for you. If he is SO into pron and not paying attention to you... what makes you think this little break has changed anything?
Are you settling?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2018): Well, you haven't comitted a crime or anything to worry about and people cheat and have ONS's all the time so I don't see why all that anxiety? Actually most of us get a little scared and jump when our front door is knocked unexpectedly when we are not expecting anyone to come. This is one of the illnesses of our times, expecting always bad news. I would say don't worry,just wait and see what they want if they call next time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2018): I doubt very much from a one night stand you have women knocking at your door about it, there will be a reason, a friend, relative, salesperson etc. You was not with your partner, like he states, you was single, so you have no reason to feel bad about the choices you made. The one thing I do agree on is if it wasn't working why? You have already stated porn use and lack of affection, so why are you giving it another go, what will change? What you did when it was finished is YOUR business, unless you knew he was with someone and she got wind, but if he said he was single as you was then you have nothing to feel bad about. I would be surprised you had women knocking weeks later over a one night fling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2018): Don't let paranoia and guilt get the better of you. Keep your wits about you! How were you to know things would turnaround?
Acting on a rebound-impulse is a bad idea for this very reason.
You hop into bed with a stranger, or go out and seek vengeful-sex; with some lame excuse to justify it in your head. The next thing you know, you're scared to death your partner is going to find-out about what you did. That's what you should have thought about before you did it. Nothing good comes from acting irresponsibly on an impulse.
Well, what's done is done; and you're assuming the guy, or a couple of women, showed up at your door. Well, so-what if they did? All he can say is you had a one-night stand. They will all look like a flock of idiots.
He's probably in a mess with one of his exes. She was likely stalking his place, and followed you home. He got wind of it, and probably came to warn you.
If the situation presents itself, face it. Let the truth be known, and test whether this reconciliation is strong enough to withstand it. If it can't, it would probably be because the odds are against most reconciliations. They rarely workout. The problems you and your ex had rarely can be repaired. Porn-addiction in a loveless-relationship doesn't seem like an easy-fix.
People generally get back together out of fear of dealing with the withdrawal-pains after a breakup. Jealousy at the thought of their exes being with someone else; or they're not strong enough to move on. Even though there's no-way it's going to work-out. They just keep beating a dead-horse until they get tired of trying; and just grow-up, and move-on.
If he can't deal with what happened; chances are, the relationship wasn't strong enough to hold together anyway. The first thing you did was go find a one-night stand. The other wrong thing to do was take him back!
Breaking-up and making-up is a bad cycle to start. It becomes a habit; and sometimes can go on and off for years. Not necessarily out of love; but due to co-dependency. Which is a weak foundation to build your relationship upon.
I guess you'll eventually have to fess-up and face the music. Otherwise, you'll jump out of your skin every-time someone knocks at the door! Not sure why you're so paranoid? When his watching porn upsets you, and he shows you no love. What's that to go back to anyway?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (19 October 2018):
 I suspect your guilty conscience is adding 2 + 2 together and making a lot more than 4. How do you know these people (whose appearance at your door could be genuine mistakes) are not something to do with your boyfriend?
How much do you trust your neighbour? Could this neighbour be playing games of some sort? After all, you have only his/her word on both occasions as to what happened. Could he/she be trying to make you feel insecure so you turn to him/her to "protect" you? Does the neighbour know you are back with your boyfriend? Do they know about the one night stand? Perhaps they know the guy you had the one night stand with?
There are all sorts of possibilities here but I doubt it has anything to do with your one night stand. If you think there is any chance your boyfriend could find out, the best thing would be to tell him first. After all, you two were not together, so you were not cheating.
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