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Still in love with my ex, but he's married to someone else now!

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 August 2005) 47 Answers - (Newest, 24 May 2011)
A female , *tillinlove writes:

Hi! I am a middle aged woman who happens to be in love with my former lover (we split up 5 years ago).

Here is my love story summarized:

To me (I guess also to him), our relationship was fullfiling in many ways, leading us to believe in a promising future together.

However, our relationship didn't last more than 2 years. As we lived far apart, we couldn't meet that often. He broke up with me, but I wasn't able to forget about him.

We went separate ways and he got engaged with another woman briefly after he left me. They just got married a few months ago.

This breakup was devastating for me, but I also started dating someone new, hoping to have a "new" life and forget about my ex. I wasn't able to do that.

I am still with the same guy, whom I love, but I was never in love with him. I never felt the level of fullfilment I had with my ex.

After a long period of no contact with my former lover, I wrote him an email to which he replied immediatly. I was missing him and wanted to know how things were going with him.

In the begining, we were not feeling at ease enough to expose ourselves too much. But it didn't take too long before we started feeling comfortable enough to bring up the past and talk about what went wrong in our relationship.

He ventilated that he never stopped loving me, but he felt that his life was put on hold by the way we were living our relationship.

We found out that we still have strong feelings for each other, but don't know what to do (we both have current partners and he is recently married)

He says he loves his wife (and he seems to have a nice life with her), but it feels our love story didn't end. The attraction towards each other and the emotions we have for each other speak too loud to just be ignored.

At the moment, I feel very frustrated with the way things are. I am so in love with him, but I am not able to have him the way I used to... he confesses he feels the same.

I would love to find an easier way to cope with this situation, but it seems that I'm too entangled in my emotions to be able to find something more satisfying.

Any interesting suggestions will be appreciated.

Thank you!

Stillinlove

View related questions: broke up, engaged, my ex, period, split up

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A female reader, Pams Canada +, writes (24 May 2011):

I have a similar story as yours :(

I ended the relationship with the man I love about a year and a half ago, due to an misunderstanding (a third person telling me lies). And because my father passed away two months before and we were in a long distance relationship, I wasn't emotionally ready to fight that third person.

And in those four months we were apart, he tried to contact me but I would not reply, and then he agreed to marry another girl (his best friend's cousin).

A few months ago, he contacted me. And the love was still there...and it was so much stronger. But because the plans were all made for the wedding, and the promises he made,he couldn't end everything for me.

Maybe he never loved me....but then why would he tell me he did? I feel stupid. Yet i'm still so in love with him. How do I stop caring for him so much? He has moved on, why can't i?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2011):

there are no words to discribe how powerful your blog was to me, i was deeply over whelmed by it, as i too have a similar story the only thing is i pretty much stuffed up my way of ever getting back with the man that i am so deeply inlove with.

he'd been with me and all the while he was honest telling me that he wasnt the best person to fall inlove with.

to cut the story short he had a girlfriend and she had gotten pregnant, i put a stop to seeing him once i found out that he had someone and that they were having a baby, but i was so deeply hurt, that i too tried to make a new life for myself, i moved overseas found someone new and married 6 years later we are still married and have a 2 year old child and even tho i love my husband and child every time i think about the man i was once inlove with it overwhelms me and i know that the feeling i had with him was powerful and i don't have that with my husband. even tho i love him and have a good life its not like how it is with the other guy, just before i got serious with my husband when we first met, i did get to speak to the man i was inlove with he broke it off with his girlfriend, and told me how sorry he was for all the crap that he'd done

i asked him in these exsact words.....not that it matters to me anymore weather your ansewer is yes or no(which of course it did matter was just my pride) were you ever inlove with me?? and he replied back...well just like you said it wouldnt matter to you either way...that has torn me up since! and never knowing weather he was or not...so in saying all this my

answer to you is...GO FOR IT! you will never be happy unless you do this! and being with someone else that doesnt do the same as he did or better you will live your life wondering why did i just do it! i wish i did but i havent heard or had contact with the guy im inlove with for over 6years now and im married with a child and i don't know if hes done the same so its kind of a lost cause for me but for you, YOU CAN!

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A female reader, aquila Australia +, writes (18 April 2011):

frankly,your story brings tears into my eyes.i would like to share mine too,i'm relieved that you havent gone to the stage of depression like what i am currently suffering from.Due to the situation,i lost my baby,my money, my energy,my parents' trust, and everything that play a crucial role in my life.

Since my parents got divorced,i never believed in the notion,or concept of marriage.so whenever i was dating someone,i always loved them without any expectation of marrying him;besides,i am still 21 now, previous dating experiences in such a young age would not entail future marriage promises.but then,2 and a half years ago,i went to australia for university,i met this guy who is 5 years older than me.He made believe that love and marriage will work,he altered my principal,and i was happy i found someone who can save me from my paranoia of marriage.i have never been so in love,i gave him my everything.i bought him everything that he wanted,cooked for him,massaged him,served him sexually,and sacrificed my social life.it was a good thing it didnt really intervene with my study.however,as time passed by he cheated on me with his ex,and this happened for 15 times.i found a hotel key,sex chat,evidence that they were hanging out while i waited for him at home wondering where he went,and when we fought due to this,i always lost,and the fact that im blinded with love made it even harder for me to let him go.i was upset most of the time,and unfortunately at that time i was involved in this student association and i was the president of that organization.My condition didnt really support my position at that time,i was so stressed out my weight went from 55 to 48 kg.but the following three months,he supported and improved his character.so i started to believe him again..last year,in june,he asks me to marry him.i was EXCITED.we planned to have the engagement last december and we went to our parents and they approved it.that was the happiest moment in my life.i already discussed the decoration,ring,outfit and everything and everything was basically settled.

THIS IS THE WORST PART.........

just 2 months before we were about to head back to our country to undergo the engagement process,i was in the car with him about to grab a bite until his phone rings and he refused to pick up.the number didnt show up,and so i began to have a discomforting feeling,and so i took his phone and went outside of the car to check his msgs,apparently hes been cheating on me again.i screamed at him,reminded him how we were about to get engaged and hie still dared to cheat on me.i went inside the car,crying,and so we fought inside,he tried defending himself and so i opened the car door while it was moving very rapidly and so my body was thrown outside of the car,the car behind me fortunately stopped very quickly otherwise il be gone by now,i almost broke my arm,and there were a lot of bruises on my legs.i was so stress out in the middle of the street,everyone was looking at me,he went outside of the car and started dragging me to the car but i pushed him away,and i threw my laptop to the road,along with bag and my cellphone like a lunatic,i was so upset i couldnt think of anything.i took off my clothes (it was still cold although summer was already approaching) in front of a large audience and told him to go otherwise il be completely naked.we were fighting on the street,catching attention,and i became more frustrated i banged my head against the electrical pole so i hard that it was bleeding.he tried helping me but i was already dissapointed so he took off with his car as i told him.i put my clothes back on,and apparently there were several people who called the cops and when three polica cars approached,i ran (stupid) and so they chased me.for the first time in my life,i was handcuffed,humiliated in front of public and taken to the polcie station.They thought i was crazy,perhaps i was,and so i started telling story,and it was nothing illegal or anything they were even confused.one of the police woman helped me clean up the blood that kept on dripping from my head and so i was imprison for an hour.i begged the police to not tell my parents as i will lose my education opportunity and everything else,and so they called my embassy instead telling that one of their people is help captive due to uncontrollable rage.i was so ashamed,even my country's diplomat and their staff had to know my condition.they told me if ever do something similar again i will be deported immediately.my ex didnt even try to search for me,he was busy calling up this other girl to create a story which will conceal the fact.i was released an hour later,the police took me home.after they left,i went to walk outside crying to myself then i called this girl who ruined my relationship,i told her what ive been through and she didnt even feel sorry for me.i yelled at her telling her that i was about to get married,then she cried,telling me how she was going to marry him,apparently my ex has proposed to her first,and that they are more settled than his plan and i.i called him to come and see me to settle the problem,i cried to him,he apologized and he didnt deny the fact that hes about to marry this girl.i was upset,shock,everything encapsulated into one.a week later i found out that im pregnant to him.we had sexual intercourse before this fight,and this is what happened.my baby was already 3 motnhs old and i didnt even realize that,i knew i missed periods but i still do dance and all of the things that entail huge amount of energy and never thought this would happen.i didnt break up with him because i love him so much and its better to be hurt than to lose him (yes i was stupid).additionally,the baby makes it even harder for me to forget him.he then told me hes going to marry me because he wants to be responsible.i was, although still upset because he wants to marry me just because of the baby not because he loves me,happy knowing i get a hold of him again.and 3 weeks before we were about to go home,he cheated on me again.i spent days being sick,vommiting,skipping classes,just communicate with my baby and all he did was worrying that the other girl is going out with someone else.we fought again and he slapped me,choked me and threw me to the bed,it was his fault but he panicked knowing the fact that i caught him cheating again.he was afraid of his image being destroyed by me.he even punched me, in the stomach,he went crazy.i yelled at him,crying telling him how he just punched our baby and that what he did was so wronggg.and so i decided to move back to my place,where i had to do all the chorus by myself in that condition.i cancelled my wedding and engagement to my parents but i didnt tell them the truth,i jsut told them that we were incompatible.as much as i hate him,i wouldnt want his image to go bad in front of everyone as i still love him too (stupid,again).so i spent 2000 dollars on abortion,and i miss my baby so much even until now.after i had the abortion,HE broke up with me and went back with his ex whom hes about to marry,seriously.i was so torn,i consumed alcohol everyday even druing exam week,i didnt study,i just drank,and smoked weed everyday.i realized everything was so wrong,i went to a psychologist for post abortion,they told me how im suffering from this depression,as i talk to myself every night like a lunatic,wanting the baby to come back.i went to seek consolation from some of my best friends,they told me i have to move on,find other guy and just go back home for a few months just to sort things out,seek comfort from family.but then,i got a phone call from the doctor who had tested me for pap smear,and they told me how i got a cervix cancer.how am i suppose to move on to a guy?i cant forget him,i cant forget my baby,and who wants to be with someone who has a disease or cancer?so i really did go back home,and i was even more RUINED.the first few daysi just cried to my parents,but they didnt know about the baby,the only thing that they know is that i was devastated by the breakup and that he left me for marrying someone else.the following days,i started using drugs(cocaine,heroin,crystal meth,xanax,more weed,lsd,mdma,and many more)i go clubbing four times a week where i actually met a lot of guys and i was so drunk so i didnt care what i did,i even had a little something with 3 girls,was also involved in a fight where i almost died as i was hit by a drunken guy who was huge and strong enough to take any man down, and i started selling drugs.just before i came back to australia, i was targeted by the police because i have a strong link to the main dealer in that country.but then i bribed them and so now im off the hook.ive been withdrawing from all of those stuff including drugs for almost 2 months.and since i was a heavy user (using it every single day for 4 months non stop) .now i have trouble sleeping,missing my baby,feeling sick all the time, my study is in danger(i was even advised to withdraw from every subject as told by the dean of the uni),not to mention,since my ex knows my atm password,he used about 1000 dollar of w money to go for holiday with his soon to be wife,to buy her stuff,i feel like HELL.i lost my money,lost my baby,lost the opportunity to have a bf since im traumatized,lost my weight (from 49 to 44),lost my common sense,lost my academic skill,i lost everything.hes getting married next february,and i had to see his engagement ring,his laugh, he is happy now... while i suffer... so please i hope you are okay with your condition. dont fall into the pit like me... u are better than this...

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A female reader, Cupof36 United States +, writes (2 January 2011):

To make a very long story short!!!I just entered into the same issue sort of!! I have always love my ex!I just found out he got married I was so crushed! Even though I'm with someone but I'm not in love with him.it seems as if I and ex timing was always wrong!We were on and off again for 6yrs! He was my best friend aswell as the love of my life!,NO matter what we been through and there was times apart we always ended up back in each other arms!I alway thought we would marry!he always responded right back to me aswell as your your ex did we had a moment in O9 to talk about everything! It was closure!! When I look back at a lot if we where ment to be we would of made it!! I do feel crushed because I feel I wasn't good enough to marry after all we been through!! I feel a mess but, I have to move on he has said many sweet things to me. I love u and all!! But when it all comes down to it he chosed her he did not love me like I loved him he did not love me like I should been loved because if he did he would have waited for me no matter what!! He would have put thqt ring on my finger!! So as I'm writting he's not worth my tears!!!!!!! So let your ex go on with his life if u can I know its not easy! Things happens for reason;)

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A female reader, sally sue United States +, writes (30 November 2010):

I know how you feel. I am in the same situation. I love my ex very much, was married to him and divorced him. I hate I did that, but the stupid thing I did was marry someone else who I did not love. What is a girl suppose to do. I wish there was a easy way out without hurting anyone, but there isn't. The both of us want to be together and we will, but first we have to do this right. I pray that the decision we make is right because one way or another we will be together. True love will never leave and no one can come between.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010):

Your story is very touching because in some way I understand how your heart must feel at the moment, my story is similar. It started in my college days I was 19. I met this guy, also 19, who was visiting from out of town. The night we laid eyes on each other we knew it was true love. The next day he left and that would be the beginning of my 6 year and counting story with him. We both we very young, dumb and stupid at that age to say the least. I had daddy issues which therefore gave me serious trust issues. If my own father could not show me unconditional love, than no guy ever will… reasonable to think like that at a young age right! So being 3000 miles away, did I really think he wasn’t dating other girls? Whether he was or wasn’t, there would be no way for me to know. I don’t know anyone there he doesn’t know anyone here. I just had to trust him. Well in the mean time, I occupied my time with friends, and lots of drinks... college days remember lol. Long story short I started dating someone (who knew about my long distance love. I started dating him after the many nights of us hanging out and drinking one too many time, he had told me one day I took his vcard. I didn’t want to hurt him and just run. So I started dating him and basically told him I stopped talking to my distance love, which was a complete lie. So a few months go by and all I want is to be with my long distance love so I apply for jobs nearby, a month or 2 later I move about an hour away from him! Things should have been WONDERFUL… but we both were still so young dumb and stupid, he didn’t put much effort into coming to see me, he didn’t have his own place. Than we both got arrested, duis within months of each other after I was only there for a few months.. We fought a little because I wanted him to visit me, but neither one of us had money to make those trips. He didn’t have a place and of course cause of the arrests we both lost our licenses. And at some point I did tell him about the guy I started dating before I left. I’m honest… he has every right to know! (If this is the man I’m going to spend my life with, I would feel horrible keeping a secret and with him I could NEVER lie or hide ANYTHING) Well things went downhill from there and I went home for the holidays… heartbroken and hurt thinking he just didn’t care as much as me. I ended up seeing the guy I left, the one I took his card and yes we slept together. Well guess what I ended up pregnant. I called my long distance love one day and told him I was pregnant. At first he thought it was his. I’ve never heard any 20yrd guy so happy in his entire life… all he wanted was to move me back and have a family. Well I told him I was having an abortion cause it was the ex’s… well since that was the 2nd time I had been unfaithful to him, we fought back and forth a little for like 4 months or so than the calls and emails just stopped. Long story short I did my research… he started dating someone else. Well I did more research and found out he got her pregnant and they were getting married. He was a little upset, he said it’s not the way he had wanted it. Hinder lips of an angel reminds him of me and he will always miss me but we agreed out of respect to stop talking well that was 3 years into it. Now we are 6 years into it. He is still married, now has 2 kids and I found out I was expecting, I now have a 5 month old and we are engaged. Apparently my long distance love never deleted my screen name because one day I saw that he liked my status. It was about us being excited to meet our baby. Well I of course im'ed him back and simply said hey how are you. That of course started the ‘catch-up’ game. How each other were and what we have been up too. Well one day we both happen to be online at the same time... this has never happened since we stopped talking. He im’ed me and conversation started right there. Long story short, We both agreed we will always and forever miss each other. We both agreed we think about each other a lot more than we probably should. I gave him a chain 6 years ago when we first met for Christmas… he said it’s on his neck and he NEVER takes it off. we both felt the same way, our minds and heart were racing a million miles per min. we almost didn’t know what to say but once we got comfortable enough to bring up our past that’s when our true feelings spilled out. We agreed that this will never change, and we agreed we never know what the future holds. talk about letting true love go. we both now thank god for being 3000 miles apart, cause him and I would both be in trouble otherwise. This story is nothing but sad and heartbreaking. Even though we may talk about it.. we both are very loving caring parents and we wouldn’t do anything to disrespect or hurt our kids for one and def not our partners. We both do have happy loving families… we both just have these feelings that sadly him and I will take to our grave.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010):

It's on him - clearly he knows how you feel about him - he needs to make that decision. I rently found out my Ex got married to a old friend of Mine, which was a complete shock as i never saw that one coming.

Are we all blinded when it comes to Love. I am with a guy who loves me to bits but I still find myself thinking about my ex thinking WHAT IF? I think is it becuase I've got my ex on pedestal as I Truly Believed he Was the Only one for me - and I think when it;s your first love - you feel somehow you never loose that connection and memories are always hard to Fade wether good or bad.

I do feel sorry for his Mrs though becuase I think if He just had grown up too begin with this would of never of happened. Why DO THEY DO IT|

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A female reader, sweetaei United States +, writes (11 November 2010):

All is not fair in love and war. True love is letting go, especially when the "one that got away" has made a commitment to someone else.

If it's meant to be, it will be. Don't try to end a marriage. That is wrong. (I am typing this as advice to myself, too..)

We have to keep in mind that life is bigger than ourselves, even than our love for another, even if that love is mutual.

There is more to life that "love".

Rationale had to guide our emotions.

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A female reader, tornsince2007 United States +, writes (27 October 2010):

I am in the exact same situation right now. I know exactly how you feel except my situation is soooo much more complicated. My ex and I had a child together and were together for 10 years. We divorced for stupid reasons and neither of us felt right about it but for some reasone we went through with it anyhow. We were on again off again for 3 years until he finally married a girl after 2 months. during those 3 years, I dated someone as well but just recently married because I thought it was the only way I would ever be happy again since my ex had moved on. My ex was married barely a month before he started talking to me again and we have been talking ever since. He has now been married for a year. My curent husband want to have a baby and we have tried for several months now to no avail but I can't stop thinking that my exa and I may still wind up together which makes me very afraid to have children with my current husband. not to mention that I am not sure I want my children to be like him so either way I am scared. I don't know what to do. I talk to my ex about things and he says he still loves me and is not happy and also says he feels that we will end up together. He says I should get on birth control as well as to avoid being attached to my current husband forever. I am so confused right now. I don't know which way is up. The thing about it is I feel that the movie "The Notebook" Is an exact depiction of myself and my ex. I feel there is nobody else for me but I decided to settle sinceI couldn't have what I really wanted. So I see it has been a loooong time since your original post. How did your situation end up? That is if you are even still reading back on responses.

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A female reader, Ihurt2 United States +, writes (17 August 2009):

Ihurt2 agony auntWhy do you hold on to him. He has obviously moved on (HE's Married?!). How can you even believe him? He is obviously moving on with his life and you are in the same old hole (wondering if he'll ever be back). You are wasting your time. You are wasting the good years of life. Move on. Let him deal with his marriage and you deal with your issues. Why you hold on to this fantasy of him being "the one" is something you should ask yourself. You already know what you need to do. So do it! Take control and move on, dump him and you will feel good and remember you made the right decision.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009):

Yeah I've known my ex boyfriend since my freshmen year in college. We didn't date for a long time but even after we broke up we remained close. We could talk on the phone forever we just connected on a different level. He then joined the air force and was diploid to south Korea where he met his current wife. I hate that I still have these feelings for him and he still calls me and tells me how he wish he didn't marry her. I know that we both feel stuck with our feelings for each other............IT SUCKS

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009):

I have known my ex for almost 13 years. He was my first love. We dated on and off during that time but it was never the right time for us to be together. He got married about 2 yrs ago and we have remained friends. I have never stopped loving him but learned to cope with his marriage and would rather have him as a friend than nothing at all. Well recently we have been spending a lot of time together and the feelings we have for each other resurfaced. We ended up sleeping together and have been spending a lot time together. I feel bad b/c he is married but we are in love and want to be together, I just dont know if he will take the steps to get a divorce. He says he is not in love with his wife anymore but it is hard for me to continue with our relationship and to fall harder for him when I think I will just end up getting hurt. Do I walk away or stick it out? I truly believe he is my soulmate and we belong together but it is so hard since he is married.

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A female reader, mbiling Canada +, writes (20 August 2008):

Please, please if you ever have a chance. Like the person who said their engaged and him almost being married, pls stop and think. When you will be with your partners you will be thinking of them. I made this mistake and now, 3 years later nothings changed. So now, u 2 are not married yet, close but not yet. Just get married, u 2. You know that in this world there is only one person who is truly made for you, your soul mate. So (pause) before you even think. Ask yourself, will you be truly happy without each other. get married to each other, and love each other until the dying day. these r my 2 cents, because ive been through it. I married someone else, and now i understand. I made the wrong decision, but now i hav to live with it. will u?

go for the one you truly love, otherwise it will be 2 late.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008):

Wow, this story seems like what I am afraid of happening to me in the future. You see, I am a college senior and I met a guy during my senior year of highschool while I was attending college for dual credit. We dated and broke up because my parents did not like the idea of me dating someone 3 yrs older than me. We had a connection though that is unexplanable and there's rarely a day that I don't think of him. It is now almost four years later and I am about to be engaged to another man. The man I am about to be engaged to I do love, but he and I just dont have the same connection. I am still in love with my ex and everyday I try to convince myself otherwise because of the mess it would make in my family. What do I do?? I have no idea. Recently my ex and I got together and talked...for 3 hrs. HE took me to lunch and I showed him around my campus. He kept saying that if he would have known know what he didnt know then, we could still be dating. I didnt tell my parents until towards the end and he thought i never did until after we broke up. he said if he would've known I told them sooner, things would have been different. That makes me wonder if he still has feelings for me even though he's engaged and to be married in Dec. I dont know what to do or even think. I cant stop thinking about him. Being with him makes me feel comfortable, happy, loved, and gives me chills at the same time. I am in love with my ex, but he's going to be married soon and I am going to be engaged soon. I dont know if I'll ever stop loving him and if I should just try to forget him or if I should do something about it. He's so difficult to read with his words, his eyes tell me he still loves me but his words don't. I've been trying to get back together to talk with him but he wont return my messages I think because he thinks his fiance will be mad. I just hurt so much and I just want to be with him, but I dont know how that could ever happen. He even remembered our song and little things that I had almost forgotten because of time. It just really really hurts. So, this really isn't a solution, but more of a I understand and wonder what your advice is since you're further ahead of me in a similar situation.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008):

I am recently married and am fairly happy with husband. But I have never had a deep spiritual or emotional connection with him they way I do my former best friend. I never thought I would, but I currently engage in brief e-mails with him, and though it is early in this game, I know he feels the same connection as I do or wouldn't be e-mailing. Sigh.

Interestingly, for close to 15 years, since college, we have never really acted upon any of our "feelings," most often due to timing, and his immaturity in my opinion. He is a guy afterall. Part of me feels I married my spouse due to mistrust of my former friend's instability in the relationship arena. And maybe my obsession with him now is due to the fact that I never did act on any of those feelings and just regret it. Curiosity killed the cat, and I don't want to make a hasty decision either.

Early on, when I was actually open to dating him in our college years, his attention was on other girls constantly, so as a college girl, I soon dated others, too. Because of that, we never really connected. But "as friends," we could be inseperable and had some great times over the years post college. We also have similar beliefs, interests, hobbies, education, religious background, and laughs. Much later, when he realized I was "the one," I was nearing engagement with my current husband. Why so late I asked myself?

I am afraid to jepordize the relationship I have now. Children are not a factor, here, as we have none together, but I know that part of my hesitation to conceive is that I sometimes feel I made the wrong decision marrying my husband and maybe should have married my former best friend instead. My marriage is new, but the memories of "him" fill my thoughts and dreams too much.

But, like some of you have written, I, too, still believe that God has a plan, and I chose to take an oath. How can I retract that? But when my emotions are high, I think my mistake was marrying a good man but not my soulmate. In these times, I am extremely torn and hoping for sign greater than all of us.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

I know it's not something to be glad of, but I'm glad that there are lots of other people like me. I've been single ever since my long distance boyfriend dumped me about 3 and a half years ago. He started seeing another girl, and even got engaged to her, but they broke up after a only a couple of weeks because she cheated on him [not the first time]. Now I think they're back together. I haven't heard from him in a long time, and I've pretty much given up on the idea of us speaking again.

At the moment I know a guy that's interested in me, he's kind and caring, quiet and a genuine nice guy, yet even though we talk and hang out a lot, I know it'd never be anything more, because I'm still stupidly in love with my ex. I don't know if I should try and see him again, or just keep trying to get over him.

I haven't told anyone about this, so it's nice to tell someone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

My ex and I of 8 years broke up one year ago. It wasn't a breakup that had closure. We went through a lot and it was a mutual feeling that it was over.

Since then I have married and now getting a divorce. The man I married was a long time friend, that I use to work with. I ran into him shortly after the break up and he was still as wonderful as I remembered.

I wanted a good relationship for a long time, so I jumped into one with him and we married within 6 months. I was lost with emotion, the fun of a new relationship and the need to move on to the next step of my life.

I was blind to the fact that I only knew my husband as a co-worker and not someone I had to live with. After we married he changed which wasn't a change at all for him. He had just put up an act until I married him.

He actually turned out to be horrible. I was going to leave him after a couple of months, when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't think I could get pregnant and it was a very happy time for me. I decided to work things out and except him for who he was. Adjust to my new life with what I was dealt.

He became more selfish and horrible when I told him I was pregnant. I never imagined my life would be like it was. Everyday was worse. I lost the baby at 12 weeks. He was only worried about his feelings he didn't even bother to ask how I was. Asked him to sign divorce papers 4 days after my DnC and recovery.

We have since tried counseling for a month and a half now, and he can't even listen to a professional. So I filed the divorce papers.

To get to the subject, I realized through all my pain this past year, that I owed my ex closure. Through this new relationship I saw all the things I did wrong and all the things I could have worked a little more on. I screwed up.

At the time we broke up I was hurt that we spent a long time together and nothing came of us. I didn't even want to talk to him. So I sent my ex an email apologizing for anything and everything that I recognized. With enthusiasm he responded.

We have since met in person and there was so much to catch up with, tears fell, and feelings were back as if time never passed. We had 4 hours of comfort. We talked as a couple after a hard days work.

Expressed what we missed about each other. He was mostly upset that he felt he lost his best friend. He also asked me if I have ever had the passion or chemistry for anyone else that I have for him. My answer is no. I have never felt such a spark for anyone as I do for him. We proceeded to the bedroom, and from what I felt nothing had changed there either.

That night nothing was said about my marriage and nothing was said about where his love life stands. I have been phone text and emailing him for a few days now with some occasional responses with long lapses in time.

Now I feel like I am intruding in another relationship. The last thing I wanted to do was make him second guess his new life but I also don't want to lose him.

What I have to remember is that we already let each other go. I moved on and have to understand that he has also. I tell myself that everything happens for a reason and that if we are meant to be, that we will be.

Reading and writing stories of this kind help me mind my own business. My answer is to let things be.

If you have already expressed yourself, that is all you are entitled to do. Now the waiting game begins.

Moving on with your life is the best thing to do. If you take fate into your own hands, you are bound to be in the same place you are now... confused and longing for something that you are not suppose to have.

Yes I still love him, but I love him so much that if he is truly happy I would never want to ruin that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008):

I married my husband a few short months after my ex married. I love my husband, but it is not the same. It's been 5 years and I am still in love with a memory. We haven't talked in probably 4 years. He left me the day after Christmas after 2 years together. I feel like I'm leading a double life. I want answers so badly. I just can't seem to have peace.

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A female reader, kvb1996 United States +, writes (27 May 2008):

ok so my daughter just went throught this horrible break up and i needed to know what to do to help her shes 12 and she was dating this great guy she was in love with him and she thought he was to they planned there who life together so he started texting other girls and lieing to her aboout it so one night he went to a clube said nothin happened she belived him the next day she went to the movies with him it was on saterday everything was fine so that sunday he dumped her didnt tell her why she found out from a 7th grader that he made out with another girl that frienday still went on a date with her than dummped her hes dated her know for about 2 weekes she cant move on she thought it was gonna last forever she cant get over him cause she is still madly in love with him

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008):

I understand how you feel. I'm in the same position, but I'm not not married any longer, he is. I have known him since we were teenagers, my first love. He says she does not kiss him, and she has not been interested in "sex" in a year. He sees nothing wrong with that? he has been emotionally cheating, but did do so as of late physically. He is beautiful, and has a history of dumping me for ugly women who treat him poorly.

Well, he was all over me(we are good friends) and i know he's in love with me. It hurts. We took it a step futher, The next day cold. He is oversies all the time, therefor no time for her(wife) OR ME. I can't fall into this web anymore, he loves me, married someone eles.

Feedback?

anomous

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008):

No, what's really hard is being married to the person who is right for you but being in love with the person who is wrong for you. You have to make some decisions based not on feelings but on rationale. I know that sounds cold but at the end of the day who is better for you? Not who gives you the most butterflies but who is honest, caring, works hard, will be a good parent to your children, won't cheat on you, and will be there always. If you honestly love each other just let it go. What's more important? His happiness or yours? He loves his wife, he can be happy with her, let it go.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008):

My ex and I dated for a year, during that year I got pregnant but we lost the baby it effected both of us tremendously.. thing ended up going south about a month after we lost the baby, but we got back together on and off, he started dating new people, and I did the same, but I have always been in love with him completly with my whole heart, it has been 2 years since I have even spoken to him or saw him, we live in the same town, both married to different people, and have children. I think about him every single day, I love him just like I did to begin with... 4 years ago!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008):

I have a very similar story to share. My exwife from 14 years ago contacted me recently and one of the main obstactes was that we were very young and from two slightly different culters and the respective family members didn't get along. Alot of the pressure of the situation caused the break up. Our marriage was short but very intense. We our first true loves. The fact that she contacted me in the first place, so many years later tells me some feelings are left over. After some polite exchanges, we then went over what happened in the past explosively but later made up via e-mail. We kept in touch via e-mail for 1 month. I can't do anything, she is married with a 9yr old son and a 4 yr old daughter and I'm married with a 4yr old son. Our respective spouces don't deserve our betrayal,,,since they are innocent completely. This would destroy my life and hers. My advise to you is forget him. Stop all contact. You are emotionally destroying your chance for happiness. You idealized your relationship from the past, not the real person. If was meant to be, it would have worked out in the past, but it didn't. Live in the present, not in the past and don't look back. I wish you well because I know EXACTLY how you feel.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008):

follow your heart

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008):

my ex and i were together about 3 years. we were best freinds, we also were only in high school. there is a lot of pressure and and confusing feelings at that age. trying to figure out who you are and what you are about, together as well as seperately. we broke up when we were 20....anyway-his parents and i are still close, occassionally i see him or hear of him. he has been with someone for the last five years, they are to be married soon. i have had my fair share of dating, really thought breaking up with him was the best thing for us. i really thought i had moved on, but once in a while it will hit me so hard that it interupts my life. i go through a few days of remorse and press those feelings down deep. i ran into a mutual friend of ours, he and i started dating, turns out the current and my ex are best freinds. i feel for the current guy, but i cannot seem to shake my ex. i will dream of him and they feel so real, that when i wake up, i am all mis sorted. this can happen at random, then i am left questioning my decision five years ago. this is my own internal struggle that i keep to myself. who am i to share this with my ex or my current. i have strived through the years to be his friend, really thought it was possible. i have remained single, but have dated. thought i owed it to myself to be in a relationship. my ex thihnks it's great, probably gives him comfort i am "distracted"....he has probably known my feelings before i felt thim. it is not the memory or the "first love" experience. i genuinely feel i will never be able to recover and it is my own fault, i broke up with him. i have a great guy....but how cruel is it his bestfreind is my ex. it hurts, i try to move on. most days, i think i have done. it's just when i have those damned dreams i am all torn up. it's not as easy to move on it turns out, whether you choose to remain stuck on the past or not. i have a feeling there will be more years of this, problem is, it's my own problem. i think it is worse when it is not mutual. of course, we don't talk about "us", so i ahevn't a clue, though the marriage to be is answer enough. therefore, i keep my mouth shut....but feelings i have....it's hell. so-here's to moving on, and if no peace comes to me, here's to the guy who has a lot of convincing to do....good luck to all, emotions suck, but i would rather take the chance in feeling than growing numb or be reduced to deception. it's not fair to anyone!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2008):

I think I'm on the opposite side of this question. I've always been in contact with my ex-husband because we have a daughter together. He left me and 2 yr.s later I met a wonderful man and remarried. Soon after I remarried he married his girlfriend. I would try to be friendly, but he always seemed very short. Not mean or rude but more like uncomfortable around me. Well fastforward about 3 yr.s and now he and his wife have seperated. My marriage has had it's share of problems but my husband and I have worked really hard to keep things togther. About 3 months after my ex and his wife split he started to call and confide in me about various issues he was going through.(because of the divorce). I listened and tried to help I feel like he was a friend way before we had dated and if he ever neede a friend it would be now(she left him, she found someone else). After talking for a few weeks he started to ask me if I was happy. I told him I am, but he never seems to beleive me. Then last night I went to his house for our daugther birthday party, and he gives me a valentines day card professing his love for me and how he never stopped loving me and wanted us to be together. I can't say it was a complete shock I had a feeling he still wanted me but, I never thought he'd tell me! I have feelings toward him, my maw-maw told me you never love anyone like your first love and I beleive her. The fact still remains that HE LEFT ME!!! I asked him wwhy he left and he said he really didn't know? How do you tust someone like that? How can he expect me to abandon my whole life to be with someone who left me for no reason at all!? I think thats the question that needs to be asked. Not do you love him, but can you trust him. You need trust to bild a strong relationship, and if he leaves someone else to be with you what makes you think he won't leave you for someone else. This is just my personal opinion and you are certainly under no obligation to apply it. As I said before my new husband is a wonderful man but, I do not love him "AS" I did my ex. That's ok because I feel that you don't always love two different people the same way because people are different and you'll love different things about them! I'm worried your headed down a road to heartbreak. If you let down your gaurd with someone new I think you'll find a lot more happiness! Good Luck!!!!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008):

you should leave him alone - he's married - period!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007):

My story is very similar. I was with a guy for 5 years, and he cheated on me and the other girl got pregnant. We separated and a few months later he married the other girl.

I never stopped being in love with him. Four and a half years later, I contacted him by e-mail to ask him how he was doing, and like you, he answered that same day. We started e-mailing, then talking on the phone, then going to eat together, and he confessed he was still in love with me, and explained the mistake he made years ago.

Nevertheless, he told me he wouldn't leave his wife because of his child (he claims his in-laws are a bad influence to his kid and he can't leave him).

We kind of started having an affair that lasted for about 2 or 3 weeks, and then he comes and tells me his wife is pregnant again.

He says it doesn't make much of a difference to our relationship, but he doesn't want to hurt me again.

Anyway, today i decided we should be just friends, but it feels so strange, cause we love each other so much and we've never been in contact without being something more than friends.

I also know that if I deserve better and I can't keep living in the shadow of somebody else, but it's just so difficult in real life!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007):

I have read all of your postings but I stil feel like a fool. I found a letter that my ex wrote to her new love indicating how happy he makes her. That was one year ago. You see, immeditately after I found the letter, I questioned her about the affair, she denied of course, but slowly other lies eventually began to unfold. I discovered that she had been involved with this man for a full year of our 4 year relationship. She was still in college, so I thought I was doing the right thing by taking on most of the household financial responsibilities. I worked two jobs to maintain. But I thought she was actually studying, when later I found out that she and he were planning clandestine meetings while I was working to help her get through college. I still feel like such a fool today. I loved her, and still am very much in-love with her, but I am so very destroyed by her lack of respect for me. She and he are still together today. She sends me emails every now and again, but I will not allow my feelings about her to ever see daylight again. So my responses are cordial, but short. I know I am rambling, but trying very hard to make sense of it all. If she knew that she was not happy with me, then why allow me to go through all of that for all those years? Why did she just let me go? Why did I have to find out the way that I did? Would she have ever told me that there was someone else, or would she have allowed me to work myself to death for her?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007):

Im in a similar situation actually after reading all the posts im shocked that so many of us have this dilemma,I met my first love recently after 12 yrs apart and we connected right away, we get on amazingly and both admitted we had never stopped thinking about eachother and wondering how we were , we are now friends via email etc and have met up once or twice the thing is neither of us are married but are both in long term serious relationships and i dont know what to do anymore i love him always have and its more intense than ive ever felt with anyone else in my life, my own partner and i havent had a very good relationship for the past few years to be honest but i stay because of the kids and because hes a good guy and i dont want to hurt him. Good luck in your life i hope you got what you wanted in the end,, one day i hope i learn what it is i want........

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A female reader, Virgo101 United States +, writes (12 November 2007):

I agree with Rca and the woman who knows her husband thinks of other woman for years. I am too married the wrong man and knew it but we all want to be love and we all want that security therefore make choices we later regret. I have remember my first love we ran into each other several times he even asked me to run away with him to Florida back in 96' but then i didn't know but two years ago i did becuase i dreamed about him all the time then recieved a call from my sister that she ran into him and got his number it took me two months before i could call him when i did i got wrapped up into a very emotional affair to this day i have trouble moving forward but i do it because if we were meant to be God will allow that he is the one in control not I. PLus i do need to really think of my husband feelings too its not fair to be in love with other man but yet stay with him. Its hard to make love and be around him without thinking of this person i have admitted this to him but he is in denial refuses to let me go as he doesn't want me to be happy that is alright all in time. I say to every one at this moment focus on our selves and find what is is that will help us move on and grow.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007):

I completely understand how you feel. I myself am still in love with my ex who now has been with another girl for 2 yrs. We email each other once every 6 months to keep each other vaguely updated, but that's all. I am single and still have feelings for him and am convinced that our story is unfinished and that maybe someday, things will pan out. But for now, he is with someone else, I have to respect that and I refuse to be the one who bcreates the mess. I have no control over the situation and I have to accept it.

At least you know how he feels. I wish i had some kind of clue.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007):

I'm the one who is recently married and still in love with my former. I have to make the choice. I made a commitment to God - and, as someone pointed out, if I left my current husband for my 'true love', what would that say about the seriousness of my vows.

I'm not happy with it. Yes, it sucks. But I have to let go of 'true love' for his sake as well. It's the loving thing to do. Because I do love him I want him to find the happiness that I wish I had.

Why did I marry my husband? ...for so many stupid reasons that I can't even get into it. There were plenty of warning signs - but I plowed ahead without heeding any of them. Being wed to the wrong person can and does happen - but I try to think of that song whose lyrics go, If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with."

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007):

It is hard to move on when it feels as if the story never came to a conclusion HOWEVER the reality is that he is married and for the sake of all involved (even you) he needs to give his marriage the best shot he can. Even if he left her today and came running back to you would you be content with a man who took his vows so lightly? wouldn't you always wonder if he'd leave you with the ease that he left her?

He is in love with a memory and you are in love with a fantasy, if this is real love then it will survive, it will endure. If you love him, love him enough to let him honour his commitment.

Love is a choice, love is a verb not a noun, chose to love him, move beyond the wants of your own ego and love him unselfishly. That is to say put his best interests before you own wants and do not decide for him what those best interests may be.

Bless

RCA

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007):

You know what? I am the wife who is married to the man who has been in love with someone else since 2001? 2002?. Since that time, my now 20-something-year "marriage" is and has been in an emotionless state, and I bet that if your current spouse knew that someone else consumes you, they'd feel as I do. How dare all of you "in love with another" person stay with the current spouse, or even ruin another's life initially by getting married to them when someone else is consuming your every thought! How selfish can one be? I have asked my husband several times to divorce me to go after this love of his life. If we didn't have kids asking me to stay, I'd have been gone long ago - he loves our kids and the security of a financially stable home. "She" is currently away in college [yes college], so it would not be advantageous to him to leave right now anyway! - Oh, I know I am stupid!). Anyone married to one but in love with another should be woman or man enough to leave his/her current spouse because staying does the spouse NO favor (I suppose it does the kids a favor, though). Leave the one you don't "think about all the time."

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007):

I understand the pain taht comes with the longing for what was. There is no solution. immersing in daily grind helps a bit, remember that being in that persons life helped you grow, and enabled you to join up with a new love.

If you have no new love, I can only commiserate.

Out of 6 billion people there is someone for you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007):

Same here. My ex and I are both married to other people but we are still in love with eachother. We have both openly admitted this to each other. We know this to be a fact but we also know that everything happends for a reason. Our relationship will never be over we will always be friends married to other people and just so happen to be in love with eachother. Makes no sense but like I said everything happends for a reason.

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A female reader, starbucksFan United States +, writes (16 September 2007):

ummm. just where did you plan for this to go? he broke up with you for a reason. maybe he really forgot what it was. now he's married and already confused. should he divorce her and go w/ you. should you guys just shack up?

what a mess from which nothing good can come. sorry. i have been there and the best you can hope fore is friendship. over the phone maybe.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007):

I have a similar problem. We were involved as teenagers living life like we were all grown up. we were inseperable we did everthing together, we laughed and just enjoyed life. It made you excited to wake up every morning to start the day together. We were forced apart for reasons beyond our control, we were forced together for reasons beyond our control too, but found companionship and love with eachother. We never got to finsh what we started or even bring closure to anything. We were together 2yrs. We were seperated because of those around us, we were under 18 and powerless. I have always been in love w/ him and have brought our memories and feelings through the years with me. 7 years ago before I got married I called him, we had been apart for 7 years and the moment I told him that I had a boyfriend He just kinda blew me off I was confused and devastated and the call ended kinda short and again unresolved. After we were torn apart life just continued to go on and I had to just find ways to live with out him, eventually I found a way to be numb to my emotions but never accepted that fact that he was gone. I kept him close all these years. I ended marring the then boyfriend and have been married since. I have looked to find my first love through the years trying to find out what happend to him, his life; if he was married, children...I wanted to know so very bad. I finaly called and found out he had never married but has a child, steady relationship. He told me things that I never thought I would ever hear him say, things like how he did love me and that by now today we would still be together and that I have had such an effect on his life I would never understand. I told him yes! I do understand because I feel the same. ...But now Im married and feeling this way. I love my husband very much and my life is his to keep. But my heart hurts so very much for this other man. My love only grew stronger through the years. I love both of these men but I have lately been feeling angry with my husband and my life because here I am again in another situation forcing me away from the one I have always wanted to be with and to be with freely. My heart hurts so much that I just really dont see ever getting over it. It has been 14 years since I seen his face, Ive seen pictures of him now. He indeed is the man I always knew he would be. His heart is just as pure as then if not more now. I feel so guilty inside my thoughts are all over the place but I know that it will never be. Can you love 2 people at the same time? the conclusion I have come to is, I love my husband dearly and will be with him always, I could never bring myself to leave him even if this other man asked me too. I feel that I will forever feel this way, for 14 years my heart has ached at the thought of this other man, Is there anyway to make it stop, move on accept the obvious? What would I do with my thoughts and heart if I did let it go? I dont want to let him go, I have true unconditional love for this man there is nothing he could ever do that would make me stop.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007):

You do the wrong thing.Contacting someone who is already married and try to seduce him back to you.AND plan to brake their marriage.That's a sin.Hopefully they don't have kids.Oh lord.You have some nerve.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007):

Dear Still in love:

I am in the same situation, the only difference is I am not in new relationship, but my ex and I still have something. I never fell out of love with him. He said that timing was everything, I agree.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007):

So when I was about 2 years old and i'm not joking, I found the love of my life. We grew up together and have truly been best friends for our whole lives. When we were about 12 and 14 respectivley we figured it out that boys and girls really didn't have cooties and so we became gf and bf. Didn't last that long b/c it still felt like we were just acting like friends. As we got older and started dating other people especially with me watching him date other girls it just plain sucked! I knew that I was in love with him. About two years later he went to college and ended up deciding that college wasn't right for him. He up and left to go into the Army. I was devistated. It was right after 9/11 and immediately he was overseas in Afghanistan. I don't think i've ever been so scared in my whole life. I had so many feelings running through me from devistation that he just up and left, to having my heart breaking in the fear that he could possibly never come home, to being so upset with him that I didn't want to talk to him. After my first semester of college concluded I began to realize that he needed me more than anythign while he was over there. So i began writing to him everysingle day and every now and then sending a huge care package. On easter sunday of that year he called to talk to my mom and asked her if he could marry me. So your probably thinking we got married right? Nope, it was just so wierd, I was only 18 and I had no idea what was going on with us at the time and mostly I was just scared. So he got a little upset of course and it took us a while to start talking again. By this time I was seeing someone else and so was he. It was like everytime we realized what we wanted which was eachother, that it couldn't happen. So last August he proposed to this girl...I WAS DEVISTATED, b/c honestly I wasn't even that happy in my relationship. 3 months later, they got married. A month after that I got engaged. I only said yes b/c as bad as this sounds, i felt like my only chance at being with my best friend was now really gone. So just a couple of weeks ago now I called off my engagement and go figure who shows up and one of my family party's. BEST FRIEND!! Still married....but I laid it all out on the line. I love him more than anything in this world. When it's the one thing I know I've wanted my whole life, I figure I need to just do what is in my heart and telling him was what needed to be done. He definitely laid alot out there as well, and I know he walked away the next morning with a lot to think about. Basically, if you love someone, and you know that they can make you happy and vice versa...you just need to go for it. What ever is meant to be will be.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2007):

I grew up with a guy, became his best friend, we fell in love and when I went away to uni we broke up... no particluar reason other than the distance, it was too much and felt like we were drifting a part. I love him as dearly now as I have for the past 8 years. When we broke up he tried so hard to get back together, and when we were just about to he actually got with another girl, I think he felt it was time for us to move on. So I moved on with another guy, that didn't work out or 2 bf later, but he is still with the same girl and I am with a new guy, who I love, but not like my first. I have tried to move on, forgotten him, had another relationship, been out, got a new life, but still all i do is think of him. I am happy with my new bf, but nothing has been the same since my first left me.

I know how you all feel. We still talk through email. But that is not good enough for me. I am more than content in the knowledge that he is happy with this other girl, he loves her clearly and I have moved on. Shut the door to the past and at the same time realised that I was sentimental about the time I had with him, but all along love was staring me right in the face, turns out that my new bf is my soul mate... we are happy and in love and I have given myself the opportunity to live because I have closed the door to the past and opened the window to the future.

I know it's hard, but true love is meant to conquer all and for me my new bf had conquered a lot to get where we both are now. However, my first did not have enough to conquer all or I would not be writing this piece now.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007):

Hi, I know you wrote this question a long time ago but I just wanted to ask you how things went. I'm in the exact same situation right now with a former boyfriend of mine and I HAD to talk to someone about this because I am so confused and devastated. I know just how you felt, to know you have found your soulmate and they're with someone else. We were only 16 but he was my first true love and he says I too was his first true love but his mom didn't like me and pretty much broke us up and I never stopped loving him. I've been engaged since then, had 2 more serious relationships and he has gotten married and had 2 kids but has admitted he's unhappy.

Even when he was engaged he cheated on his current wife with me and we would always hang out without her knowing & every time I'd ask "If you're so in love, why are you here with me?" And would say because he loved me too.

Over the past 10 years he calls every few months and tells me he still loves me and would leave his wife if it wasn't for his children but he has to be there for them. I hadn't seen him for 5 years until just recently and when we met up and we had such a great time and connected again I haven't been able to stop thinking of him and I acutally love him more now and it's killing me. I don't know you but I really appreciate you reading this and would LOVE if you could give me any kind of advice to help me:-) Thanks, Melissa

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2005):

He's married. Forget about him and move on. He sounds like a loser anyway.

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A reader, pops +, writes (13 August 2005):

Since he is now married, he has to make a big decision about whether to end his marriage for you, if anything but aan infrequent affair is going to take place between the two of you. I don't think you would be happy with that, from what you write. If the new man in your life does not pluck your heartstrings the way your former lover did, then move on, for the sake of both of you. Then, continue dating, and looking for that man who will again make you dream, while being available to make a life with you. Sorry, unless your ex dumps his wife, I just don't see any thing happening for you with him. Be happy that you can talk to each other, as that is how you learn about your emotional self, your strengths, and vulnerbilities. Wish him well, stay in touch, but don't force him to make a choice he does not want to make on his own.

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A female reader, Ann +, writes (12 August 2005):

I am sorry things did not work out between you too but the thing is you need to get over him and move on he made the choice to get married to the other lady. It will take some time but it will happen.You have a long life a head of you so dont waste it on him yes you may love him and he loves you but life does go on. I know you dont want to hear that but it is true.

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