A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi..! I am in relationship with this guy since 5 months i.e. from Dec end. We got to know each other through phone and usually communicated through phone and after talking thrice or some more times he proposed me.At that time I hadn't seen him but I felt something special which attracted me towards him. He is quite understanding and we both feel that we are perfect for each other. He told me that he is 24 yrs old. I agreed to him but I felt worried bcoz of the age difference. But whatever I feel that love doesn't consider age. We met first time in April and in those mean days I got to know that he is 32, I asked him he agreed to that.But I relly love him very much so I didn't consider that matter too much I was like, its ok. Some days after I got to know that he is married for 3 yrs. But his wife left him the second day after his marriage and they din't have any relation from then the marriage was forcefully done bcoz of the girls parents request. And my BF didn't knew what was going on at that time becoz he was seriously attached to drugs at that time.Now its far time he has left drugs and now he is leading a normal life. well I think its not his fault that he is married forcefully and has a right to lead a married life again. Recently I checked his mail profile and I found his age 34 over there. Faith matters very much for both of us tis we've cleared the very first time we talked. Now i feel like he is not faithful to me. Whatever may be the matter i feel that he should have told me honestly. I really love him a lot but worried for this relation bcoz after knowing all these things I'm not so confident to keep faith on him as I did earlier.We both are not of the same caste and my parents want me to marry a person of my caste and their choice. Now the question is that I dont want to hurt my parents because of my relation with this guy. But at the same time I dont to get off with this guy whom I love too much and cant think of leading my life without him. But because of his speaking lies to me I have a doubt that does he really loves me,and can our relation be a lasting one till the end of life. I need ur suggestions that should I continue with this relationship with this guy, or should I think of my parents and think about leaving this relationship over here.plz help.waiting for ur advice.sorry for such a long question.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): I looked at your Location and it says India. Since I am of Indian decent I can offer some advice. For one I assume breaking things down to your parents is an extremely hard task.
Firstly you should talk to your bf 1st about this age problem. I'm sure it is not the age problem but the facts that he lied about it, but I guess it can be very intimidating so say such an age to such a young girl. 34 yrs, I'm sure he would've lost whatever confidence he had. Not to mention his past would seem embarassing, you may accept it now, but I think it only works at this point when you do know him a lot better, it allowe you to accept him. Either way you should talk to him about it first and clear up these matters if you intend to take it further.
Your parents may pick someone for you to marry but it is still your life. Have your parents consider the man you are with now to be your husband. I'm sure you can put yourself in your parents position that they want you to have a good safe future with a man, so you need to reassure yourself of these things as well with him. Do you see your future with him? Is he financially secure etc etc, you need to be sure of these things. Yes love is important but it takes a strong man to keep that love for the rest of your life. In this sense your parents are experienced and even I would agree that a man they chose for you would be for your betterment, but there is a 50/50 chance that there is love or not. Seeing that you have this close relationhip with your bf of 34yrs now, it may give you many second thoughts if you do not love someone your parents choose.
But 1stly your life is not about pleasing your parents. If have to speak up, else no one will hear you.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, NewBeginning  +, writes (29 May 2009):
 whoa!! r u really serious??? geez u seem really crazy to me.. this could be the beginning of a thriller movie...
deejuliet is right!! get away as soon as u can.. get ur friends to help u get over him.. as guy, i would doubt even considering this guy for a friend.. i'm serious
im not trying to scare u or tell u that this guy is a really bad guy.. i cant judge someone from what u have just written, but frm what u have just written it all seems so wrong.. hey my sis is 18, and if this was her, i'd meet this give this guy a piece of mind!.. really girl..
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A
female
reader, prettylilplatypus  +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Dear Anonymous,
This must be a very hard time for you and it sounds like you are only just managing to cope. If you love this guy and still want to be with him, speak to him about the lies. I'm sure he only did this because he loved you so much and desperately wanted to be with you.
Your parents? Tell them the truth. They will understand and will just want you to be happy with whoever you love.
I hope this has helped. For any further advice, contact me through dearcupid.com and I will be happy to help.
Good luck,
Callie x
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Run, run as fast as you can. Dump this guy! He is not good! He is a lier and a cheater and he will only hurt you and destroy you! I am sorry to be so blunt, but I dont have time to write a nice long message explaining it all to you properly. Hopefully someone else will. Just listen to my advice and get out of this relationship while you still can or I can guarentee you will regret it!
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