A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi..! I am in relationship with this guy since 5 months i.e. from Dec end. We got to know each other through phone and usually communicated through phone and after talking thrice or some more times he proposed me.At that time I hadn't seen him but I felt something special which attracted me towards him. He is quite understanding and we both feel that we are perfect for each other. He told me that he is 24 yrs old. I agreed to him but I felt worried bcoz of the age difference. But whatever I feel that love doesn't consider age. We met first time in April and in those mean days I got to know that he is 32, I asked him he agreed to that.But I relly love him very much so I didn't consider that matter too much I was like, its ok. Some days after I got to know that he is married for 3 yrs. But his wife left him the second day after his marriage and they din't have any relation from then the marriage was forcefully done bcoz of the girls parents request. And my BF didn't knew what was going on at that time becoz he was seriously attached to drugs at that time.Now its far time he has left drugs and now he is leading a normal life. well I think its not his fault that he is married forcefully and has a right to lead a married life again. Recently I checked his mail profile and I found his age 34 over there. Faith matters very much for both of us tis we've cleared the very first time we talked. Now i feel like he is not faithful to me. Whatever may be the matter i feel that he should have told me honestly. I really love him a lot but worried for this relation bcoz after knowing all these things I'm not so confident to keep faith on him as I did earlier.We both are not of the same caste and my parents want me to marry a person of my caste and their choice. Now the question is that I dont want to hurt my parents because of my relation with this guy. But at the same time I dont to get off with this guy whom I love too much and cant think of leading my life without him. But because of his speaking lies to me I have a doubt that does he really loves me,and can our relation be a lasting one till the end of life. I need ur suggestions that should I continue with this relationship with this guy, or should I think of my parents and think about leaving this relationship over here.plz help.waiting for ur advice.sorry for such a long question.
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female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (29 May 2009):
 You are very young and an easy target for an older, more experienced man to manipulate. His disrespect for his marriage, his lying, and his drug usage give you a clear picture of his character: this is a man that is impulsive, criminal, manipulative, and a taker. In this context, his claiming of faith is more of a distant concept than one he actually implements in his own life and in his relationships with others. He says it because it sounds good and words come easy, especially from a practiced liar.
A 34 year old man that proposes to you after only having a few conversations with you online under false pretenses (married and lying about his age), is a con artist.
This isn't about being old enough to make your own decisions or defying your parents, this is about your lack of experience and inability to identify predators. Because of this, you are better off listening to your parents even though you are legally an adult. They have your best interests at heart and won't hurt you. If you are not ready to be married yet, then have that conversation with your parents.
I agree that they can't make a choice in who you love, but they can protect and guide you in making better choices until you are able to do that on your own.
A
female
reader, Klara  + ♥, writes (29 May 2009):
i would feel worried too
He is much older and sure age isn't an issue but there would be many things you don't know.
What do you mean you met him through phone? on the internet? was he on there posing to be someone younger..was he lonely and saw someone so young?
the fact that he lied is perhaps becuase it is embarrassing, but then for him to lie AGAIN, like why would he do this? Would he tell you after he was married? is this like some need to know basis he decides what to be honest about?
I know you love him, but i hope you consider that there is a big difference between the two of you, he is way more experienced and that way you may be taken in by him a lot more than with a guy your age..his maturity is wisdom etc, but it's not the all as it might seem..he has lied.
why havent you looked around for someone your age instead of this way? parents and castes i know all about it. i know so many indians going that i know this culture like it's my second family. My ex of 3yrs whole family never had a love marriage and i just had to move on, now rather than later..though he is the one pining.
In that respect i think it' s important you live your life adn make the decisions which work for you and from your gut. You seem very intelligent and so just remain open adn try see the reality of the situations. if you do feel inclined to get married, then i would suggest looking into the closer aged guys..but what is the rush? are they wanting you married already?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): I looked at your Location and it says India. Since I am of Indian decent I can offer some advice. For one I assume breaking things down to your parents is an extremely hard task.
Firstly you should talk to your bf 1st about this age problem. I'm sure it is not the age problem but the facts that he lied about it, but I guess it can be very intimidating so say such an age to such a young girl. 34 yrs, I'm sure he would've lost whatever confidence he had. Not to mention his past would seem embarassing, you may accept it now, but I think it only works at this point when you do know him a lot better, it allowe you to accept him. Either way you should talk to him about it first and clear up these matters if you intend to take it further.
Your parents may pick someone for you to marry but it is still your life. Have your parents consider the man you are with now to be your husband. I'm sure you can put yourself in your parents position that they want you to have a good safe future with a man, so you need to reassure yourself of these things as well with him. Do you see your future with him? Is he financially secure etc etc, you need to be sure of these things. Yes love is important but it takes a strong man to keep that love for the rest of your life. In this sense your parents are experienced and even I would agree that a man they chose for you would be for your betterment, but there is a 50/50 chance that there is love or not. Seeing that you have this close relationhip with your bf of 34yrs now, it may give you many second thoughts if you do not love someone your parents choose.
But 1stly your life is not about pleasing your parents. If have to speak up, else no one will hear you.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, NewBeginning +, writes (29 May 2009):
 whoa!! r u really serious??? geez u seem really crazy to me.. this could be the beginning of a thriller movie...
deejuliet is right!! get away as soon as u can.. get ur friends to help u get over him.. as guy, i would doubt even considering this guy for a friend.. i'm serious
im not trying to scare u or tell u that this guy is a really bad guy.. i cant judge someone from what u have just written, but frm what u have just written it all seems so wrong.. hey my sis is 18, and if this was her, i'd meet this give this guy a piece of mind!.. really girl..
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A
female
reader, prettylilplatypus  +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Dear Anonymous,
This must be a very hard time for you and it sounds like you are only just managing to cope. If you love this guy and still want to be with him, speak to him about the lies. I'm sure he only did this because he loved you so much and desperately wanted to be with you.
Your parents? Tell them the truth. They will understand and will just want you to be happy with whoever you love.
I hope this has helped. For any further advice, contact me through dearcupid.com and I will be happy to help.
Good luck,
Callie x
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (29 May 2009):
 Run, run as fast as you can. Dump this guy! He is not good! He is a lier and a cheater and he will only hurt you and destroy you! I am sorry to be so blunt, but I dont have time to write a nice long message explaining it all to you properly. Hopefully someone else will. Just listen to my advice and get out of this relationship while you still can or I can guarentee you will regret it!
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