New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login226250 questions, 983862 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Started an affair with my husband's brother...

Tagged as: Cheating, Forbidden love, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2006) 37 Answers - (Newest, 25 June 2011)
A female , anonymous writes:

I got married 2 months ago to a man I had been living with for 2 years previously. My husband is a wonderful man who I truly love but unfortunately our sex life has never been fantastic. However I thought this was not important as we get on so well and have so much in common.

Recently however I have started an affair with my husband's brother who is also married although their marriage has been rocky for a while. I am now starting to feel as if I love them both.

What I really want to do is continue seeing them both but am absolutely terrified of getting caught as I have no wish to leave my husband.

Any advice would be appreciated

View related questions: affair, sex life

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, Wickedwench Australia +, writes (25 June 2011):

Well all I can say is... been there done that... and it ended in tears and heartache for my husband. It was with his married twin brother. I had been married and faithful for 16 years prior but the marriage was unhappy. His brother was a dud in the sack by the way.

He also turned out to be a coward. I am now with my cousin and happily divorced from my husband.

My then Brother In Law got jealous when I broke it off with him and he told my husband I was cheating, but denied it was with him.

I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He wanted to stay married. He no longer talks to his twin. I don't feel guilty as marriage is not a licence to own someone else.

I am with someone because I want to be not because I am locked into a contract. Love is stronger than any contract. Once that dies no ties can bind.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010):

I think you must stop it..because you will make his wife broken heart .because brother husband is married.that is not the right way.husband and wife sometime have argue even in the top they will together again.in case have the other person like you make situation worse

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010):

This is compeletely wrong the whole world say but I also love my sister in law but at the same time I respect my brother,still I want have sex with my sister in law.According to me this is not wrong.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, 0000 United Kingdom +, writes (2 December 2010):

it is simple break it off and stay with your husband trust me i had an affair with my brother in law for 12 months and i told my husband now my brother in law has nougthing to do with us as my husband will not allow it. it WILL get complicated and it will break your husband .i still love my brother in law i always will but my husband will be devastated if i left him so would family.you also need to follow your heart see how his brother feels if he loves you he will understand it is all going to end in tears

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, dellbuick74 Canada +, writes (13 November 2010):

These sorts of situation are so painful and complicated. But I can't see why you'd want to give up on the marriage unless the husband is totally neglectful of his duties as a provider and a lover. Marriage is not something that you should just abandon. There are many things you should consider. Is the husband a good family man and provider? Does he love you? Ask yourself if you love him? If sex is a problem there are treatments for it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, 0000 United Kingdom +, writes (15 May 2010):

ignor all these negatives that you are recieving!!!!!!!!i know exactly how you feel ...i have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 2 years .12 month ago i started sleeping with my brother in law i have come clean about everything and told my husband.my husband has not left me and we are trying again even though he knows im in love with his brother.i do love them both so very much but the feeling has gone and his brother brought that back to me call me all the names you want but you can not choose who you love best way always be honest he will forgive if he truely loves you xxx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009):

this is a shame, you should be more concerned with the betrayal you are creating then how conflicted you may feel. you took vows, you owe yourself the honesty of coming clean and dealing with what you have done. secrets are not healthy for any marriage and to be honest if you are only concerned with how this all makes you feel, perhaps you should not have the man you do. you do not deserve him. whatever reasons you use to justify sleeping with his brother- calling his marriage rocky- is wrong, you are blaming everything but your inability to be human and make mistakes.

marriage is not without its trials, but we work through them. attraction to another partner occurs, but you remind yourself why you are married and why dating sucked. when we were out there before our husbands, men used every game on us to get into our beds. the men we chose to marry chose us as well under the impression that we were willing to work together towards a healthy respectful and rewarding union.

i am sorry your husband felt he could find this faith in you, when clearly you are happy to sacrifice your marriage for sake of your panties.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009):

have you ever considered that you may be in love with them both as they were raised in the same enviroment and basically all the aspects you love your husband for are all there in the brother just in different wrapping. i feel if you cant let go and stay loyal leave. it may be exciting yet i guarentee that the brother is feeling good coz he seduced his brothers wife and no good will come of this. this isnt the thrilling two boys fighting over a girl in a school yard crap. and your gonna crush someone, i suggest break up with your husband give yourself some headspace and choose, because you cannot have both and whomever you choose will come with consequences. and if you choose the brother, please for the sake of someone elses feelings give your husband ALOT OF TIME before you announce any new relationship.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008):

Im in the same situation unfortunately...i don't know what to do, i've tried to ignore my bil but I can't ...we haven't had sex but we did touch eachother...i don't know what to do

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008):

well...so much for my last post. got drunk, messed around with my brother in law...we're still friends though. Can't stop thinking about him...now the sexual tension between us is through the roof....lovely.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008):

It's so hard to be human.

Fighting evil feelings is never easy.

I have no advice. I only feel for you because I too feel I am in love with my husband's brother, however I have never gone as far as to cheat on my husband with him. Unfortunately it dosen't even matter that I never have physically cheated on him...I've violated his love with my mind...lustful thoughts are just as bad as actually cheating.

What's unfortunate even more is that the brother knows how I feel. He's my best friend, it's hard to hide it from him. I know he returns my feelings, but probably not as strongly.

I'd like to think I'd never do anything with him for the sake of my family(husband of 8 years and a child), but if ever presented with the situation, I really don't know that I'd be strong enough to say no.

But on a positive note he's a very loyal person and he would never hurt his brother. This is not a great feeling situation to be in.

I wish you all well in life and I hope the one's who have been torn apart by these situations will recover and I pray for strength for those who have none. Good Luck to you all and God Bless!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007):

No one knows how this feels until it happens to them. Trust me, I would think I was an awful person too. My husband is wonderful and he knows that I'm in love with his brother and with him. He also knows that I have never done anything with his brother. In fact, to stop the awkwardness his brother moved eight time zones away. If he were just some other guy that I would never see again it would be easier, but we have to figure out a way to make this work. The bad part is he has feelings for me too. It just happened that my husband asked me out first and I thought his brother hated me even though I had had a crush on him for three years. I think you just have to decide. Also, will it ever work with his brother? Would the family ever accept you again? All sticky situations.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007):

I too have had an affair with my husbands brother its fun its exciting and he has a bigger penis i give him oral sex whenever we get the chance he is going to b married in april we have had a attraction to each for years he is 4 years youbg then i he always complainting about his girlfriend she lazy in bed, he tells me he has never had someone take it so deep and its the best oral sex he has ever had i want to be him but know i cant we sneek away every chance we get. We have had sex in his house I want to have sex with him in his bed me and his girl fool around a couple of times i try to get to give me oral but she was afraid i want them both so dont feel bad have fun suck him off girl either way its gonna be done to you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007):

don't cheat your husband.if u r sex pervert then go forward for having sex with many men. sex is a great creation for human of god. pervartion is another creation for great fobidden pleasure of god.pleasure is not bad if it is not harmfull to anybody...so...its u r chioce.ur youthness will fade after some few years, so dont deprive ur hungerness and don't deprive ur youthness.get sex in various way u can.

NOTE: Be Carefull... don't forget about AIDS.....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007):

I am in love with my wifes sister. Nothing has happened between us but sometimes I really wish it would. I have felt this way for a long time but my love gets stronger everyday. I want to be with her so bad that I would not even give a hoot if I got her pregnant, actually that is what I want. I dont wawnt to hurt my wife but yet I know this would hurt her if anything happened.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007):

I know what you are going through. I have been having an affair with my twin sister husband. I love my husband but I love my sisters husband too. My husband and I have 4 children , and I am pregnant again, and I am pretty positive it is my brother in laws baby. Our relationship started right after my last child was born. Although we both admitted to fantasizing about it for years. I dont know what I should do.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2007):

My sister in law and brother in law began an affair after the birth of her last child, three years ago. The entire family has been destroyed by this "secret" affair. Both spouses have filed for divorce. They each have 3 children, who up until this happened were more like siblings than cousins.

I can't even begin to tell you how all of our lives have changed. An affair within a family causes pain and devastation beyong what you can imagine. Our four families used to spend countless hours together - ski vacations, Disney vacations, summer house rentals at the shore, Friday nights at the arcades with the kids, casual days at the pool, and of course every major holiday. We loved being together so much. Our kids miss being with their aunts and uncles and cousins so much. None of the children know all the details, but have heard too much and are so confused.

Please, please, please -- stop the affair - too many lives will be affected by this. And for what? Do you honestly think you can make a new life with this man? How will you explain this to your kids? How will you sleep at night knowing the lives you destroyed?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007):

I am going through a divorce because my husband had an affair with his brother's wife. Apparently his brother knows nothing about the affair because his wife is so deceitful. They both deny that anything is going on between them but I have proof of their relationship. All I can tell you is being the wife of this man who has no moral ethics has been an eye-opening experience, to say the least. You never think that your spouse will cheat on you with a family member and when you finally realize that it is happening it is a gut-wrenching and traumatic issue to deal with, regardless of if there were previous marital problems.

Stop what you are doing right now. You are married. How would you feel if it were the other way around and your husband was having an affair with your sister? Not to mention what this news would do to your family and his. I don't know about you, but when I got married, I vowed to be faithful and I was. I thought my husband believed in the same but now I know better. He is just like every other idiotic male who thinks with his penis and not his brain. I feel like I should tell his brother because he knows nothing about the affair but something is keeping me from doing that. I've had lots of people tell me that I just have to be patient and that the truth will come out and it will be better if I am not the link to the truth.

What is sad is that we all have children and thinking about this just makes me stomach turn. I don't know how in the world you could allow yourself to become involved with a family member. I know I hope both my husband and his brother's wife rot in hell because they deserve to. I'm just glad I still have my moral ethics to guide me between right and wrong.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007):

Well, I feel for you because I am in a very similar situation, the only difference is that mine was after many years of a very happy marriage. I am still with my husband but I am not seeing his brother anymore and we have both found it very difficult. I love my husband, but I do also love his brother. Either way I can't be happy. I don't have any valid advice to give you except to say, I wish you good luck in the future and I hope you find a way to deal with it all.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007):

started in '93, still going on, on and off, and we really can't stop whenever we are around each other. i love him but don't know how to se the future. miss him much right now.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007):

I am in a situation where i am in deep lust with my brother in law but i don't think he feels the same way and if he did I would go for it but I think I would leave it at that if you let yourself get too involved it could get messy.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007):

Having your cake and eating it too! Why difference dose it make what everyone thinks of your situation. I want to know how hard you cum? You are all adults. You know that it isn't love,just lust. Isn't it exciting? All the emotions-good or bad highten the orgasum. Maybe your husband knows? I sometimes look at my wife and fantise that I'm fucking her twin sister? Nasty goood! I do feel a little guilty, but I cum Hard!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007):

quite simply your looking for an excuse for your actions.

if your husband finds out how will he feel, ill tell you, suicidal!

2 months, youve been married two months and youve destroyed this mans life and his family. you must surely be proud of yourself.

there is no excuse for any thing you've done and are doing...end it with his brother,tell your husband and just hope to god he doesnt own a gun.

if you have any sence of humanity about you youll end your marriage and save your ''loved'' husband

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Lytoo +, writes (10 December 2006):

I had this problem during our engagement and I recognize the feelings, but I chose for my husband. I told my husband everything before we got married so as to get off with a fresh start. Lucky for me, he still wanted to marry me and he still gets on well with his brother. In fact, I think he never told him, so his brother doesn't know he knows.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, dearcrazy +, writes (10 December 2006):

I am a male and this happend to me. I caught my wife and my brother having doggie sex in the kitchen on moring at 5:00. They thought I was asleep . Make a story short I don't and haven't spoken to my brother since 1992. My wife and have gone through this hell. I stayed with my wife and we are still married. Sex has improved a little. Don't know what else to do.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Prada +, writes (28 November 2006):

Well that is really not fair to your husband i mean there are plenty of things that you could do or try to build up your sex life.And if your husband and his brother are really close it will come out soon in a fight or something,but imagine if your husband was cheating on you with his brothers wife.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2006):

wow im 18 and ive been messing around with my brothers girlfriend and im kinda scared of getting caught also but i think im starting to kinda love her she is beautiful she's smart she's a good listener and i cant stop thinking about her shes 20 and my brother is 27 and i dont know what to do i told my freinds and some of them say that im crazy for doing that but they can say anything becuase they arent feeling the same way i am

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, bonym United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2006):

bonym agony auntWhy on earth would you want to continue being deceitful, dishonest and a cheat? Dont you think thats wrong? My dear, I am not one to judge people, but I will speak the truth when there are people who WILL get hurt and lives which will get messed up. You have to stop having an affair, what you have said has basically just said to me that you have no problem being a cheat only you dont wanna get caught, well my dear I will not advise that you continue being a cheat, I advise that you decide who and what you want and be faithful. Take care. xXx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Lemonpixie United States +, writes (31 October 2006):

Lemonpixie agony auntWell you have successfully messed up 4 lives, if you or he has kids then you also messed up their lives too. I really can't have sympathy for you, but if you so called love your husband...then leave him before you do more damage. So he can find someone who appreciates him and wont sleep with his brother. You will get bored of his brother too or he bored of you so it will end up messy anyway. Just leave and never look back

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, treetop +, writes (31 October 2006):

i fell for my boyfriends brother, i thiought i loved him, he fed me a load of rubbish that he loved me and i truely beleived that i should come clean and tell the other brother who i was with for 3 years, we didn't get on that well and i hardly saw him, i spent more time with his bro who paid me loads of attention and made me feel great about myself. it ended up with my boyfriend finding out about us and completely crushed him, i have never and hopefully will never again feel so bad about myself, i couldn't look at myself or forgive myself for 2 years. i tried to have a relationship with the brother and it just went from bad to worse. it is by far the worst thing i have ever done in my life, i am so sorry i inflicted all that pain on my boyfriend at the time as he had never done anything to me to warrent my awful behavior. stop this now, i don't think you have any idea how much pain this will cause if he ever finds out and as for his brother, he really needs to check himself out, what kind of a person is he to do this to his brother, if your husband ever finds out he will be distraught and will never forgive his brother and will never forgive or forget you and the pain you caused, he trusts you and you are doing the worst thing you could ever do to him. if you really loved him you would not be doing this to him. do not ever tell him. i don't know how you can say you love him, go off and satisfy your needs with his bro and then look him in the eye and get into the same bed as him.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, skywalker +, writes (31 October 2006):

you are sick woman.Get out b4 u hurt ur wonderful husband .Hope u dont have kids else its gonna b messy.your actions cannot be justified.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (31 October 2006):

eyeswideopen agony auntAnd again we have a cheater who will not follow any advice given because she is not looking for it, she is just looking for validation for her despicable behavior. Aunts you can save your breath (or fingers) she will only respond with more crap trying to justify herself.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, SERENE South Africa +, writes (31 October 2006):

This is one of the most difficult things that you have to do, but you have to do it for peace of mind.

It's going to kill you, it will tear you apart and it will feel as if your heart is going to be ripped apart, but you have to do it. Break away from the affair. Its only temporary, he will always go back to his wife, you will always be second best no matter what he says.Scream, shout, cry, and bang your head if you have to, but do it.

There is no need to tell your husband about it.Why open a can of worms?

God bless,and go well

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, shania United Kingdom +, writes (31 October 2006):

shania agony auntI dare say you do love your husband but because you crave a fantastic sexlife,along comes your brother in law and he has been providing the sex that you have always wanted.I personally dont think you love this other man,its just lust and that can be confused with love because its a powerful feeling but really,you know you are kidding yourself.I would finish with your lover as he doesn't seem to be leaving his wife (they never do) and concentrate on improving your sex life with your husband.There is sex therapists....books,videos etc.Have you asked your husband on what turns you on? You really need to communicate more,you dont need to settle for a boring sex life.I could of criticized you but that wouldn't be helping your problem.Think about it....do you really want to end your marriage over a leg over?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Jovial South Africa +, writes (31 October 2006):

Jovial agony auntHi

I just wish u had been caught already, women like you are the one who gives us a bad name. Someone out there wishes to have a husband like yours bcos she ended up with one like ur brother inlaw. And you are just there playing him you should be ashamed of yourself u definitley do not deserve him. Its either you grow up or you leave him those are the only two choices you have as for keeping ur brother inlaw I say after divorcing ur husband u can keep him u two deserve each other.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (31 October 2006):

eddie agony auntWhy would you want to see them both? Give your head a shake and grow up. You use words to describe your husband such as "wonderful, truly love". I could think of some others. You won't get any sympathy from me. You've been married two months and this si already happening and with his brother no less. I thihnk you should really be ashamed since your primary worry is getting caught.

Do your husband a big favour. Lie to him and leave him. Make up an excuse because if you tell him the truth, you'll crush him. If he is as wonderful as you say, he deserves to be with a mature trustworthy spouse.

Your brother in law is a creep too.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Guardian_angel +, writes (31 October 2006):

You need to ask yourself if your IN LOVE with your husband or if you just care about him...if you feel for someone else you cannot be in love with your husband. my advice to you is to seriously think about what you want to do and if you want to be with your husband you need to tell his brother. If not, you need to tell your husband as you may end up losing both of them. If i was in your shoes i would tell the truth.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Started an affair with my husband's brother..."

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0625!