New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login225754 questions, 981617 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Son stealing my dirty panties to "relieve" himself...Help!

Tagged as: Family, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 February 2009) 25 Answers - (Newest, 22 August 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My 13yr old son has been stealing my dirty panties and I believe he is using them to "assist" himself. I have found several pairs under his bed and well lets say there is evidence as to what he is doing. Do I confront him about? Do I just ignore it? I dont want to make him feel ashamed of it argh! I have no idea how to handle this! Is this normal behavior for a teen boy? I am a single mom no dad in the picture so please let me know how this should be handled...

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010):

Confronting your son is a start. It's a move, but also it could be very humilating and embarrassing for him. It appears strange to you because it's your panties and your son. Which is normal for you to feel the way that you do, but I personally feel that it's no harm in he sniffing your panties just as long as this "faze" or whatever it is, ends. I mean you wouldn't want your grown son sniffing your granny panties would you? It'll pass I am sure once he grows and matures or finds a girlfriend even. I wouldn't stress over it too much. Anyway, I hope this helps.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010):

My son has been jerking off in my dirty panties for about 5 years now. Although I know all about it, I've never said anything. I think this is a perfectly normal step in a young boy's sexual development. Whenever I am changing my panties, I make a bit of noise when I drop them into the laundry hamper. I then secretly watch to see him go into the laundry room, and check in the hamper. I've seen him remove my dirty panties many a time and slip them into his pocket. He then goes back to his bedroom. Not hard to figure out what he's doing in there.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

This is totally normal. I started around 13 with my neighbours panties. She was a few years older and I had access all the time. I was caught at another neighbours house going through her drawer. It was uncomfortable for awhile to be around her. I still do today. When friends come over to hot tub or I go to their house I am always on the hunt. The scent is intoxicating and gives you a certain rush. Then knowing what they smell like down there adds to the enjoyment of being around them.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010):

HI! When I was younger I would take my moms and sisters dirty panties and rub out some knuckle children with them. My parents made the stupid decision of confronting me about it and it was awkward for days afterwards. I still continued to do it though and one night my dad called the cops on me for it and tried to have me arrested for theft of personal property. Needless to say I received a ticket and I now hate my father so Please Please Please DO NOT confront him about it. Maybe get on one of those used panties sites and buy him a couple pairs every so often.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, adviceking12 United States +, writes (6 April 2010):

I didn't read all the responses so forgive me if I am repeating what someone else said. But my suggestion as a once teenage boy, my guess is that it has little to do with the fact that they are underwear or that they have a certain smell or whatever, but that he doesn't have anything to help with the masturbation. I assume that the panties are soft and slide across reducing friction, and making it more comfortable. I used to use shampoo, then my mother noticed it missing really fast so she offered to buy my some lube. It was awkward, but you could always just buy your son some lube and explain to him what it does. Good luck hope this helps

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, antonia_g United Kingdom +, writes (14 March 2010):

A reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009):

"I last wrote in on this subject on the 9th. May explaining that for a male to like the smell of dirty female knickers is perfectly normal and I hope that mum took this to heart.

I would just like to add, as so many replies seem to concentrate on how to stop this, that I think it would be unkind to stop your son's practice of taking your knickers to sniff. It is doing no actual harm and it is not incestuous. He simply likes the smell of dirty knickers and yours are the only ones he can get his hands on at the moment. All healthy females generate the same range of knicker smells which are massively alluring to a large percentage of males. In a way, women could be rather flattered to think that they smell so nice to a male, in between their legs.

I expect your son's enjoyment of your knickers is reduced by his sense of guilt in using them so just think of the relief he may feel if he knows you know he is doing it and that you are not forbidding it. You may be absolutely assured that he just likes the smell and is not thinking of you when he is sniffing them.

Why oh why can't women be kinder and more understanding of the reason men like the smell of dirty knickers?"

I agree with the reader above:

If he is just masturbating with them I'd let well enough alone and ignore it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009):

i smell my girlfriend's panties all the time. its a very deep seated inclination...and she loves it when i do. my mums ? thats just crazy..and really incestuous! the same applies for smelling ur sisters panties.

Cousins? used to smell a cousins bra and panties. she was way older and oh so sexually sophisticated. though it felt taboo...it didnt feel no go as my mums and sisters .

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009):

I last wrote in on this subject on the 9th. May explaining that for a male to like the smell of dirty female knickers is perfectly normal and I hope that mum took this to heart.

I would just like to add, as so many replies seem to concentrate on how to stop this, that I think it would be unkind to stop your son's practice of taking your knickers to sniff. It is doing no actual harm and it is not incestuous. He simply likes the smell of dirty knickers and yours are the only ones he can get his hands on at the moment. All healthy females generate the same range of knicker smells which are massively alluring to a large percentage of males. In a way, women could be rather flattered to think that they smell so nice to a male, in between their legs.

I expect your son's enjoyment of your knickers is reduced by his sense of guilt in using them so just think of the relief he may feel if he knows you know he is doing it and that you are not forbidding it. You may be absolutely assured that he just likes the smell and is not thinking of you when he is sniffing them.

Why oh why can't women be kinder and more understanding of the reason men like the smell of dirty knickers?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009):

Hey it alrite ask him if likes wearing them and if he says ya buy him a pair. Also ask him if I wants to be a girl... Just be supportive

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, sonnyd123 United States +, writes (15 August 2009):

This is completely normal. However creepy that may sound. When I was that age, I used to do the same thing. I also used to play with moms toys, videos and anything else I could find. Hormones at that age are out of control. Anything you can find with a female scent on it, no matter who the scent belongs to, drive a young male crazy. She knew what was going on and never said anything. I think if you made a comment, it would embarrass him and possibly cause your relationship to become strained. Think of it as a compliment and know that he will find another female to replace you soon enough.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, rosarita United States +, writes (11 July 2009):

Well, the little darling obviously adores women. I really don't think he is imagining his mom nor his sisters. I'll bet you he's thinking of a girl at school, or an actress, or some supermarket checkout gal. Best advice, gently tell him to continue fantasizing, but buy him his own girly underwear and a couple of sexy magazines to keep him busy, teach him to respect women, and so.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009):

It is quite common for a man to be turned on by female genital smells and it is not something that is "grown out of."

In nature, male animals sniff the female in order to prepare for sex. It is also said that female pubic hair is nature's way of trapping her smell to entice male attention.

An ideal situation, to my way of thinking, would be that he helps himself to a pair of your dirty knickers when he feels like it and then returns them to the linen bin in exchange for another dirty pair. The point is that magazines etc. are no substitute for the smell of dirty knickers.

Perhaps you might say, casually while doing something, "By the way, if you want to help yourself to my dirty knickers, please replace them when you have finished with them." You say this without looking at him and without necessarily expecting a reply.

Rest assured he will not stop the liking if he is attracted to the smell. He will not be thinking of you as an image so do not worry. You may like to think that this is a slight compliment to your femininity.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Mushgirl United Kingdom +, writes (6 May 2009):

Mushgirl agony aunt"Looking on the bright side, it looks like he's heterosexual!" - Anon, 7th Feb.

What a relief. Okay, so this guy may well be banging one out at the thought of his mother on a regular basis, but thank the holy lord he's not thinking about other guys! He must be costing her a fortune in lingerie.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009):

My son did the same thing. I took him aside and explained the "adventurous" activity wouldn't last long.

He was at the age whereas the lads his age were starting to participate in school sports and experiencing being around the cheerleaders for the first time; and having all the girls in the different classes cheer them on at the games, etc..

Then came the high school dances at around the same time.

As time went on; and after a few more of the "Birds' and Bees' talks; he grew out of that at about 17 years old.

Being an adult and trying to talk to my son about this was at first uncomfortable.Who ever said being a parent was

comfortable at times like those.

He grew out of it before he left home at age 19.

I suppose he was lucky enough growing up in a home whereas both parents took an interest in seeing that he was adjusting as well as one could.

Being an only child; he probably had more advantages than if we had chosen to have more of a family.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, previasc96 United States +, writes (26 April 2009):

OMG! i remeber going through that stage LOL! not my mom's panties though, that's a little creepy. I used take my cousin's panties out her laundry and sniff em LOL! i actually stole a few pairs when i would sleep over my aunts house.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009):

OMG, I have been noticing my panties disappearing for months now. Just 2 weeks ago I had only 2 pr. to my name. I went out and bought 10 new pair. This morning I only could find 3 pr. I confronted my husband as I had no clue where they were. He convinced me to look under my newly 12 year olds bed. Let's just say 3 prs were there and the other 15 were under his mattress. To my suprise many of them were worn by me and he had taken them out of the dirty laundry in my room. The rest were clean and of course some were new. I'm in total shock!!! Did he just think I wouldn't miss them?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009):

Its alright for a kid to do that. When I was around his age I used to always steal from whom ever, friends, relatives. And I would always take them everytime I had a chance. I would use them to wrap around my member and stroke it. I would of course lick and eat off all the vaginal secretions left on the crotch first. Well to say, it normal

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009):

Its normal for a while - intervene only if it prevents him from establishing opposite sex relationships . dont embarass him .

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (10 February 2009):

saying "please don't use my panties" would just cause so many problems with the mother, son relationship and also could effect him in the future.

just remove any pants you have found in his room, maybe keep your dirty underwear in a separate wash bag which is put somewhere in your room and then wash them and put them back into your drawer. he will realise that the pants have dissapeared and may just stop doing it. as he may start thinking that you know and he will feel a little embarrassed.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009):

If i were you i would get some lad mags then leave them under his covers with a note saying "please dont use my panties" or something like that prehaps? Hope it helps x

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, didda123 United Kingdom +, writes (10 February 2009):

didda123 agony auntI have two sons one whom i can speak to freely about any issue the other is a little more embarrassed i don't know if you are able to discuss things of this nature openly with your son if you can all well and good, just make a light hearted comment about the issue.

I think i would broach the subject with my more modest son but in such a way as to not cause him too much embarrassment i would make it lighthearted or you could just not draw attention to what he is doing with them but point out that you found some of your knickers under bed and can't imagine how they got there, then at least he will probably refrain from using them again.

I don't think this is anything to worry about though i am sure plenty of young boys do alsorts of strange things when they are experimenting.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009):

I have to agree with guillaume on this one. I think he's being a normal teenage boy, and using the only female panties available to him. He would be devasted if confronted! And it could affect him in the future. My solution would be to hand wash your panties as you change them. Don't make them available to him. When resource runs out...he will get the subtle message without the humiliation. He is young and experimenting. I don't think your son is or will be a pervert.

Good Luck!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, aunty_rach United Kingdom +, writes (7 February 2009):

i think you need to talk to him about it. just say you were tidying his room and found your pants under his bed, ask what they are doing there and see what he says. it's not normal for someone to use their parents underwear as a tool for masturbation. he may not be doing that at all, but it sounds a little odd. talk to him and find out what it is all about. maybe he just needs to forget about the undies and buy a guys magazine, not porn, but FHM or whatever it is called. if he is going to masturbate he will, he is a teenage boy and coming into that age. but using your pants is not good!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009):

Looking on the bright side, it looks like he's heterosexual! I wouldn't say it's *totally* normal behaviour to use one's mothers underwear for this purpose although I dare say he's not the only hormonal teenager to do this sort of thing. Unless you've got dozens of pairs he ought to realise you're going to start asking where all your underwear has disappeared to. He needs confronting - not ignoring, or you could end up with nothing to wear, and he needs to know that you find his behaviour unacceptable - but do it in a 'nice' way so that he knows that you consider masturbation to be a natural activity and that even you do it, or have done it in the past.

He's just discovering his sexuality, and this is about as close as he's going to get to a real pussy for some time to come.

It's a delicate situation sure enough, but I think the best way around it would be to simply ask him if he'd care to put any of your underwear that he's got stashed under his bed into the washing machine because you're getting short of pants. He'll probably be highly embarassed about being discovered, but he'll know that you know what he's been up to without him thinking he's a pervert if you don't make too big an issue of it. That should curtail his thieving activities, and you might also like to consider buying him a couple of top-shelf 'wank mags' - or even a subscription if you can afford it - and a box of tissues, telling him you'd prefer if he used those rather than your panties in future. Supply him with a little rubbish bin to dispose of the used tissues and tell him to empty it regularly as it's not something you want to have to clean up yourself. With hindsight, which is a wonderful thing at my age, this is honestly how I'd deal with it if I had my time over again.

He'll grow out of it quite quickly, I imagine, once he gets a taste of the real thing, and going by the questions on this site that won't be too many months in the future!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009):

i believe the only way to resolve this issue is to confront him as this isn't as i would see it how a teenage boy should be reacting to his mum however you need to try to get him to talk to you about it rather than mentioning it to him saying something such as i was in your room the other day and found my underwear under your bed do you know how it got there? or something of this nature

hope this helps

xx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

New answers are blocked to this question

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0625!