A
male
age
41-50,
*ig Baz
writes:I’m left at the minute and don’t really have a best friend.I grew up in a different county until I was 13. I made a lot of friends at a school from an early age and I have always been active and interested in sports. I make friends easily and can usually find something in common with people. Trouble is I left all my close friends behind and moved. When I arrived I was luckily accepted quickly into a tight popular social circle. From 14-27 all I did was try to fit in. I was accepted and became a leader of this group but I was always an isolated figure. Others would group in twos or threes and I was always welcome if I turned up but never invited. The friend I believed I was closest too from 8-21 years of age I classed as a brother as I am an only child. I called him my best friend. Recently he chose another person to be his godfather and his best man. I’m left now isolated and feel fairly hurt. I have no one to call a best friend. I only have old drinking friends who, now that I have stopped drinking, I don’t see any more. If I were to ever marry I don’t know who I would have as a best man. I’m lucky in other ways with a family and loving girlfriend. Just lost and have no close friends anymore. Does this happen to everyone? How could I make close friends?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2018): Just because you're not his "best friend" doesn't mean he's not yours. You don't have to be one another's "best friend" for your friendship to be strong and valid. Most people have many friends and each close friendship is special in a different way. It's not to be compared as they are all unique. He clearly has more than one close friend and chose another to be his best man. That is ok. As others have said, go out and meet more people. If you have many friends and acquaintances you will not feel "shocked" when someone does not choose you as their "very best friend." I agree you are being WAY over-sensitive and over-thinking all this. You are 36-40 and the term "best friend" should not be relevant anymore.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 August 2018):
 Why are you now left without a friend? I think the term 'best friend' is over rated. I honestly feel you can have one friend or five friends. As long as you are close then that is all that matters. I can understand you being disappointed but just because he choose someone else doesn't mean it needs to effect your friendship. Obviously he has other friends, and you should try working on getting other friends as well. You have a girlfriend and a family and if you ever did get married you could still ask him to be your best man, their is no harm in that! I think you need to push out your boundaries and make more friends. You don't drink socially anymore so you should replace that by joining a club or some social event where you can meet people.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2018): You placed too much faith and a burden on one guy.
You never really stood-back to consider how he felt about the relationship. Maybe you simply made an assumption; and you're now shocked at the possibility you're wrong. You can call or consider someone your best-friend; that doesn't obligate them to prove it. It only means they've lived up to your criteria, they are not bound to anything. Now you know if all the burden and trust you've placed on his shoulders was justified.
He probably decided to release himself from that obligation/responsibility, or simply lighten the load.
He's still a good friend, and maybe you should lift some of the weight of your expectations off.
Those you can depend on in a crisis, show up in the nick of time, those who bring you comfort during sorrow, those who stand by you through thick and thin; you consider them best of friends. Yet, they may simply be good people with the best character and of rare distinction. Many may value him the same as you do; but he's only one guy! It's not a marriage!
Whether someone arises to the position of "BFF" is subjective. If he never verbally proclaimed or affirmed that status; maybe it just stuck. Mainly because it's mostly how you feel about the relationship, and it's such a compliment. It may be primarily your opinion/assumption; but reality could say otherwise. As you've just now learned. Best man is really an honor reserved for your brother, closest colleague, or your best friend. It's not a law or written in stone.
You've forgotten that through all your own personal-transitions and growth through your maturity; you left others behind, who might have thought you to be closer than you are.
They may have also depended on the friendship as more than it was. Don't judge that by their silence about it. You're obviously a loyal and sentimental guy; but it is what it is.
You still got an invite to the wedding. I know this stings a little; but you're all grown-up now. You can always make new friends. There is no age-limitation on that. Perceptions, dreams, and hopes get dashed everyday! It's all a part of growth and adulthood. We make the most of the blessings we have, and we don't allow anyone steal our joy!
A guy like you won't have a shortage of friends for very long. It's life telling you how much you've grown; and it's time for a turnover in your social-circle. Get-out and make some new friends. That's all it is!
Volunteer! Donate some of your time to some good causes or charity. If you've ever been a part of faith and worship; revisit it. You need only pursue something with purpose in your life. That comes with reward. You find a better kind of friend; people who still know how to hold-on to and appreciate loyalty; and can understand the strength in your character.
Loyalty is rare and it's a precious quality in a person. Please don't let that change in you!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (26 August 2018):
 Just because someone you viewed as your "best" friend chose someone else to be his best man and godfather to his child does not make your friendship any less viable. If he only had one best man (some people now have more than one - one of my colleagues recently had 3 as he could not choose one) then it may have been a difficult decision for him to make.
All this "best friend" mularky is too reminiscent of school days. You mention you were closes to this man from the age of 8 - 21 but you are now in your late 30s. Things have moved on - for him, if not for you.
Regarding the best man situation, things are very "free & easy" these days. Some people don't bother having a best man. Some have a best woman (someone I know recently had his sister as best woman at his wedding). Some have more than one best man. It is not a problem if you cannot think of anyone to ask to be best man. Simply don't have one.
If you are made to feel welcome in your group of friends, I am not sure why you feel you need to be issued with an invitation to join them. Is anyone else actually "invited"? Perhaps they just assume that, as you are such an integral part of the group (one of the leaders, as you put it), then you will turn up as and when you wish. Do you think you may be being a bit over-sensitive and over-thinking all this?
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