A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I am 13 years old, female and is currently in a relationship of 4 months. My boyfriend and I haven't gone any further than straddling and French kissing until yesterday. No clothes were removed but there was grinding involved. And to be completely honest I liked it, but I don't want this to lead to sex. I'm too young! What do I do next? Can I have some advice please?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 September 2016):
 Well done for realizing you are to young, you are showing a lot of maturity for your age. However these things do lead on to sex, so do talk to your boyfriend about this, tell him you are much to young, and tell him no more grinding, as this does tease you both and make you think you want more.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (19 September 2016):
 Good for you for realizing that it IS easy to get tempted to do things you are not ready for, but also for trying to ensure it won't happen again.
I'd say one thing is to talk to him. Make sure HE knows the "grinding" was an on off and won't happen again. No matter how great it felt.
Stick to hanging out in places where you CAN'T get yourself into a situation like that again.
And stick to the NO sex till I'm older. IF that is how you feel. I think waiting is a good thing. I waited till I was 19 and it was after 6 months of dating. Now it took 6 months because we really didn't HAVE a place to get intimate at, but I think it also forged a great bond. We were together for 4 1/2 years. And unlike MOST of my female peers I have absolutely no regrets about my first time. I'm glad I waited for the right guy at the right time.
So when you are hanging out, DO things together (that aren't sexual).
And yes, unfortunately, a girl has to mind her reputation. So bear in mind that guys your age are often immature and will BRAG and LIE to make themselves look "cooler" in other guys eyes.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (19 September 2016):
 Hun, that is still grinding and it's teasing both of your privates into preparing themselves for what you're not ready for yet.I mean, honestly? I'm 21 and I find it difficult to keep my hands off my boyfriend when he's with me (we're LDR). Sometimes we just want to do normal things, but my hormones are in overdrive and even kissing him makes my body crave more. Like me, and everyone else with a libido, you'll just have to learn how to keep it in check. It's not always easy, but grinding and making out will make it harder to resist temptation. He'll also get frustrated if he keeps getting erections and nothing else happens - which does *not* mean you have to do anything!However, space is best kept between you, so no straddling or touching sensitive areas, even through clothes. Talk to him about it and say you want to go back to just cuddles and pecks, as you're moving too fast.Also, even when you're 16 - 18, I'd still suggest waiting longer than 4 months to get this intimate, as it's very early on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to all who have helped. It's cleared up my situation quite a lot. I'm seeing my boyfriend on Tuesday, and I know for a fact that neither of us want sex now. I think the grinding was just a one time thing and will never happen again till years from now as I'm too young. Thank you all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2016): My advice is you look after your reputation at 13 years old as boys will talk how easy you are, even if you straddle and grind and not go all the way. Sooner than later you’ll be known as the easy girl about school and grow confused about boys wanting your attention. It’ll be for one thing – sex! And even if you tell your girlfriends about this boy grinding and kissing you, they will talk also. So when word gets around how easy you are, there goes your reputation.
I know this is a time and an age of discovery and curiosity about boys and boys in their teens in particular have different ideas about girls... they don’t include caring for your reputation, innocence and boundaries.
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A
female
reader, SydneySidney +, writes (18 September 2016):
You need to have really firm boundaries and both of you need to enforce them. "Clothes need to stay on at all times" sounds like a good boundary for you right now. Tell yourself this over and over again to make sure you really feel it strongly. Make sure to tell your boyfriend too so he knows that that's your boundary. If either of you makes any move to take clothes off, stop it immediately. If he doesn't seem to understand or respect that boundary, tell him several times. If he still doesn't respect it, dump him.If the grinding tempts you into wanting more, stop grinding for a few years.Also, if you ever use drugs or alcohol, it's much harder to enforce your boundaries when you're drunk or high, so don't put yourself in a situation in which sex could occur while you're drunk or high. Like don't be alone with him at all.Also, if you have access to condoms, this is probably a good time to get some, just in case you do give in to a moment of lust. A lot of teens don't get condoms because they're not planning on having sex. But then they change their minds very suddenly and don't have condoms and have unprotected sex. Please, please don't ever have unprotected sex. You can get pregnant or get infections, even if you only do it once. So just get some condoms now in case that happens. There's nothing wrong with holding on to condoms for a few years and not having sex (except your parents might not understand that so you'll probably want to hide them well).
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (18 September 2016):
 Don't put yourself in situations where you are alone with your boyfriend and vulnerable. Tell him how you feel and that you want to wait before having sex. If he respects you, he will also respect your wishes. You sound like a level-headed young lady. Stay that way and, when you eventually do have sex, with someone you care about, you will not regret having waited. I promise. (This advice is from someone who waited until she was 20 before having sex, because I wanted my first time to be special with someone special - and it was.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2016): Ah 13 and up, the age of discovery in all things. Firstly well done girl, the situation you were in could easily have led to sexual contact and as the other person said. you are far too young for this. The boy would not be unable to keep his mouth shut to his mates, you could have ended up pregnant. You will find their is a lot of peer pressure about having sex, you will also find that a lot of your friends are lying about it. Keep your clothes on and make sure he keeps his clothes on (and keeps everything inside his clothing). Try not to get into situations where you are going to be alone with this boy (a boy) and most of all keep yourself safe. Their is plenty of time for sex and you will know when the time and the person is right. Can you talk to parents? Guardians? if not a teacher or auntie. If not try your Dr or nurse at your surgery. When you do decide the time is right remember to take precautions. If your boyfriend is not man enough to go and buy condoms then he is not man enough. Good luck and stay safe
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I think reading that has given me some sort of clarification. I knew from the start I was too young, but now that I have read that it's given me a new perspective on things. Also, when I say 'grinding' I meant just straddling with a bit of movement in the hips. Nothing other than that.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (18 September 2016):
You stop doing things that lead to sex. Honestly, at your age, a peck and cuddles are where it should stop. No straddling and no grinding because that's encouraging your hormones to go crazy.I'm very glad you know you're not ready, but you need to be responsible enough to stop doing the things that have gone too far. If your boyfriend can't handle that, he doesn't like or respect you that much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2016): First of all, LIMIT the times you're alone with him. Tell him you can't come over/he can't come over unless parents or someone are home. Even if they trust YOUR judgment doesn't mean they should trust HIS. If you come over have whoever is driving wait to make sure there's someone there. My son is 15 and has a boyfriend. His parents and I have each other's numbers and established a no bedroom rule. Same with your friends, if a group of you are having pizza and playing apples to Apples in someone's basement and he tries to get you alone in the laundry room, loudly say, "Zack, we are here to hang out with Molly and Dave." I know friends try to pressure you too.Talk with him in public view where you can't be heard but can be seen. Tell him, "I have fun making out but I DO NOT want more. If you try to do more I will tell you to stop because you need to respect that."Back your words up by making sure you can LEAVE any time you get uncomfortable. TALk to your friends too, "Molly, Zack is a great guy and I really like him. I just don't want to go past making out. Please respond to a text of HELP by coming over."
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (18 September 2016):
 You are far far too young for all this. It's really up to you to not get into this situation in the first place. If sex did occur it's possible your boyfriend could get legally into trouble depending on his age. I know it's difficult for you but it's best not to encourage him. There is of course always the risk of pregnancy. Your body is still immature until you are about 18yrs old and babies born to very young mothers stand the risk of having serious lifelong health problems themselves. Go out and have a good time with your female friends while you are so young, boys can wait, you've got plenty of time for them later in your life.
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