A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 3 years and just found out that my wife has done nothng but lie to me about almost everything including 2 1/2 of the years the marriage she has been texting and running in to one of her old boyfriend and about 6 months ago she text him telling him she is trying to figure out how to leave me and that she loves him. She has run into him on several occasions at different places i do know and she stayed with him until 4:30 A.M. one night, but she says she has not had any phtsical contact with him in any way? I originally said that I wanted a divorce but since am trying to work it out, its so stinking hard to do though, just so amny lies about this guy, my kids, her kids, money, and on top of this I found out that 8 months ago she was texting a supposedly friend of mine and one night she was drunk told him that she would be single soon and was going to rape him. I totally supported my wife up until all this, she quit her job and I paid for her kids college, bought them new cars, etc. etc. She says she knows she was terribly wrong and sorry but its just tough to ever trust her again!! Whats your thoughts? Its making me a head case
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female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Am afraid shes been and still using you.she deserve a divorce!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): You deserve the divorce more than she does...she sounds like a monster.
You don't trust her because you have no reason to. You will still probably feel that way to some degree even if you go through all the counseling, even years from now.
Keep the counseling up if only for the purpose of keeping her distracted. In the meantime, find and consult a divorce lawyer.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Just to clarify things the kids are hers from a previous marriage that I have supported from the time we got married or before because there dad does not pay child support. And her ex is an ex boyfriend not the father of the kids. He is a boyfriend whom she dated for a month before we started dating. Also for over a year she spent between $4,000.00- $5,000.00 a month on just things for her and her kids. NO bills included in this at all. I paid every payment of any kind from day one!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): do yourself a favour and seek the advice and service of a divorce attorney.
too many lies, your wife is looking to get f@cked basically. and anyman will do. she is running after other men and she is on the prowl.
stop financing her and her kids. tell her and your kids what she has been up to.
your wife will never change and you know that. the longer you prolong a separation/divorce the longer you will be miserable.
get rid of this woman who wants her itch to be scratched by other men.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (14 January 2011):
I'm sorry, but this woman is not trustworthy. I've experienced this myself with my ex-wife. When she says that nothing physical happened between her and the other guy, it is a lie. They're adults, of course they had sex.
The only option I see for you is divorce. This woman will continue to walk all over you as long as you let her. After going through a divorce and ridding myself of my lying, cheating ex I can tell you I feel SO MUCH BETTER! I'm afraid this is the only way you'll find peace and happiness.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 January 2011):
 what a picture of duplicity you have endured. It sounds like you entered this marriage in good faith.
Whereas what did she want you for? Are you her 'purse' to help her stay afloat financially. She does not sound emotionally attached to you. Nor supportive to you.
It even sounds as if she is counting the minutes off. Be very wary of her. The sooner you get out of there the better. It's sad, but for the best
If you want a cheap divorce could you read up the law applying to divorce in your state? What procedures apply. what forms have to be filed?
Speak to the clerk at the divorce court. The only flaw in this approach would be if she engaged a fancy divorce lawyer. But if you are able to file all the right documents, keep calm, using only factual accounts of everything, then you could save yourself a lot.
Get your money quarantined and separate/untouchable, so she does not clean you out at the first sign you are ending the relationship
Because ending the relationship really does sound like the most viable option for your long tetm happiness.
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A
male
reader, EPocket  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 ok mate .
sounds very hard on u besides am shocked with the amount of patience u got .
to me it sounds u love this woman and dont want things to get developed into the wrong way .
well
here is something to do .
make ur mind up and give an amount of chances .. be clear to her abt wat u r doing . do not hide anything . in a way . do it as she having an eye on u :)
if she fail . u r free to to do whatever u want .
if she woke up by ur warning it did its need .
really confusing situation . but u`ll have to do it the hard way soon or later .
ps. do not waste time :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): She is using you, she has the stablity of marriage but is taking advantage. Financially she has used you too. There is not much upside to this. You really have to call a halt and say this is not the life you want and give her a black and white choice. That is if you want to - many might say end it now as there is not much to save. Will you ever trust her again? It will be very hard.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): I'm very sorry to hear about what has happened. I would say remain objective. But only if she lied to you once. She has lied to you repeatedly so how can you ever trust her or belies anything she says? Do you really see yourself living with that doubting every single thing she says and does? Can you live with yourself in that situation?It sounds like you have invested a lot of time and effort an money in to your wife and to be polite she has been very ungrateful and selfish.I find people are only sorry for somethine like this when they are found out. I'm sorry but it sounds like you are too good for her and I think you need to leave her. Nothing can repair that kind of damage. Will anything she ever does make you feel any better? I think you should spend some tome apart from her and see what you want. Find yourself again and see what you want because if I was you I would leave. One or two white lies are always told. But to repeatedly do it makes me say she doesn't appreciate you at all. Leave her. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): It might be hard but your wife has shown borderline contempt to you with her actions, yes we are only hearing one side of the story, it seems strange that she marries you, you support "her kids" aren't their yours too or hers from another man..is this ex the childrens' father? If everything is above water then she has acted callously and cannot be trusted, no matter what she says. Her behaviour was not a spur of the moment action, this is a pattern of lying and "emotional" cheating that has been going on for years, all that time she had a choice to make, to stop her behaviour and put her effort into your marriage, but she choice her exes and other men, and I think you're hoping against hope she hasn't sleep with him. It's a shame but some things cannot be worked through, undoubtedly if she hadn't been caught she would have continued doing what she was doing and at the end of the day actions have consequences and you are responsible for yourself foremost (if the kids aren't yours)she has shown herself to be unfaithful, so you get that divorce and move on with your life.
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