| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I cannot fall asleep next to my boyfriend.I don't think it's a question of habit because we've been together for a year and stay over at each other's places regularly. And usually he falls asleep in five seconds, whilst I suffer through the night till I'm so exhausted I pass out when it's almost time to get up.I don't know what it is: his occasional snoring, the sound of someone breathing, or just the feeling of someone else's body next to mine, but no matter how tired I am, I can't fall asleep.So far I've tried meditating before bed, drinking warm milk, going off all electronic devices an hour before bed, drinking herbal tea, taking natural sedatives like valerian root, using ear plugs and even taking doxylamine sleeping pills. Nothing worked!We live an hour away from each other, so going to my own place every time I visit (and vice versa) is not an option. And we both live in studio apartments, so I can't escape to another room Also, I don't remember if I had this problem with my exes or not, this is my longest and most serious relationship, and it's been a long time since I had to share a bed with anyone else. Please help, I'm starting to go crazy, especially on work days. Has anyone suffered from this? Is there a way to overcome it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 October 2016):
 I think you just prefer to have the bed to yourself. Nothing wrong with that. Everybody's sleeping habits are different.
You have tried everything and it has failed. So maybe try going to bed before him and see if that makes a difference. Or get twin beds.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2016): I think you simply prefer having your bed all to yourself. Your boyfriend also amps up your hormones and his presence excites you, giving you spurts of adrenaline when he's around.
Check your pulse, and I guarantee your heart races when you're around him.
It took me about a year to get used to my present boyfriend sleeping next to me. I've had friends and dates sleep next to me before; and I could easily fall asleep. When he spent the night, I used to really get excited about him being over; and it kept me up all night. Even when there were no other activities going on...you know what I mean?
I bet you sleep in the middle of your bed, like to spread-out and move about? He restricts the movements that help you to get to sleep.
When you're used to sleeping alone, it takes time to adjust to the other person's body heat, sleeping sounds, heavy
breathing, and movements. Sometimes I like to cuddle, sometimes I don't. Cuddling keeps me awake; because I like to listen to his heartbeat and feel his pecs (chest muscles) pressed against my back. He works hard, so he's exhausted. He sleeps deeply and snores sometimes. I'm used to it all now. I miss it when he's away.
Take it easy with all those drugs and herbs. Ask him for a back-rub, foot-massage, and/or to stroke your hair. That soothes you to sleep naturally and lowers your stress level. Or it might get you more excited!
If your bed is a twin or full-sized, it might be too small.
You might want to upgrade to a queen-sized or king-sized for more room. The mattress may also sag from the extra weight and that also adds to your discomfort. Sinking to the middle of your mattress, will definitely keep you up!
Pillows and mattress firmness can make a big difference in getting to sleep as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016): Have the same problem, I just prefer to sleep alone. I could not sleep at all with any ex. Only my boyf now after 3years (my longest and most serious) can I get some sleep with my boyfriend sharing my bed but I still don't always sleep through the whole night. We have plans to move in together soon I hope I can get enough sleep! I seems to be improving as time goes on I think it is just something that takes getting used to.
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