A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,So I have just started dating a guy about a month ago. At the beginning, I was very reserved and didn't kiss him till the 5th date. We always hang out and he always texted me after the dates saying he cannot wait to kiss me. I told him, I don't let guys easily into my life but I do enjoy his company and I promised to kiss him when it feels right.Last week, we finally kissed and it was really great. two days later he planned a nice date for us to go boating then we came over to my place and I cooked us a late lunch and he made different salads, we kissed and took a nap together. Nothing sexual happened whatsoever but we kissed passionately. After that things became a bit weird, he doesn't text me as often now and we normally hang out when he's in town (he travels a lot and lives in a town nearby) but this time he drove by my town and chose not to call me to spend time. I started pulling away too but yesterday he called me to check on me with no mention of wanting to see me. He still always texts good morning first but again no date and just short texts. I asked him today if he'll see me during this month (he's very busy) and he said he cannot not see me. So that gave me some hope but he again didn't schedule anything. he knows I will be leaving to another state in one month so this is his chance to get to know me yet he has initiated anything.Did I give him too much by inviting him over to my place? also, since we both believe in no sex before marriage, he told me that when we were napping I really turned him on and asked how we can satisfy each other without having sex. I said he's been in other relationships before and he survived and so did I, so we will just continue kissing.Any help on how to make sense of this situation would be so great. I am really confused and don't know what to do. I also don't want to chase him, so please tell me how I can get him to ask me out again, especially since he s in contact with me every day.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2013): Read the book, watch the movie, "he's just not that into you".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo he did ask me out for nest week finally, I acted cool and accepted. I forgot to mention that we met online. Unfortunately, I just discovered that his online profile is still active and he's been on recently. I took mine after we kisses but he still goes on it. I am very devastated and a bit torn because he just asked me to go with him to another state for 2 weeks yesterday for a training he has to do ( he knew I can't take time off of work) and been texting me good morning and good night every day. I have been acting a bit cold and don't initiate any texts but he always does. I am very confused as to why he's still online. It just means that what we have is not enough and he feels that he needs to look elsewhere. Any advice would really help. I decided not to bring up the online thing in person and wait till the date to gauge his interest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2013): I don't think it is a bad idea to take things slow but I do feel like the last time you saw him, you were kinda dangling your sexuality like a carrot in front of him. If you were just going to turn him down and give him no hope that sex is on the horizon I don't think you should've kissed passionately and napped together. You are basically teasing him. And then when naturally he is turned on by the passionate kiss and being in a bed with you, and asks about fooling around you turn him down and say, deal with it. And then tell him the extent of what he can expect from you is, "just kissing." Basically shunning all his hope that things will progress or that you would even care to satisfy him. While I don't think he should pressure you to have sex I also don't think you should kiss him passionately and invite him back to your bed if you have no intention of fooling around with him. I think he is pulling away from you because he feels rejected and is not sure if he is wasting his time. You could have been sweeter about the whole thing and gave him some hope that you would be willing to do more than just kiss and nap together. And if you have no intention of doing more than kiss him, then you shouldn't invite him back to your place and let your kisses get hot and steamy and then invite him to your bed for a nap. In that case, keep him out of your bedroom, don't let the kisses get too passionate and try to keep your dates to outdoor things. He might try to ask you out again, he may not. Men have big egos and I think you might have hurt his. Not a good sign.
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