A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I need some help and advice as my heart is breaking. I have a sister who has some sort of mental issue. She's a compulsive liar, a master manipulator, a character assassin and will twist your words around until you don't recognize them. From her teenage years on, she was out partying and enjoying life and was never around for her family.Ten years ago, she assassinated my character to our other sister and literally we did not talk for 7 years. Crazy sister likes to pit people against each other, stop them from talking to each other and then work both sides. And, yes, I've been taken in by her many, many times. She always seems so innocent and sincere and I always think, "Maybe this time she will be ok".Well, a couple of years ago, me and the sister I'd always been close to, got back together, discussed the situation and (I thought) we had things ironed out. We asked each other for forgiveness and began to build back our relationship with the promise to each other that we would never accept anything the crazy sister said without questions.Skip ahead to 3 months ago. The sister I had always been close to lost her husband in a tragic accident. I stood right by her side. Took vacation time from my job to be with her and help her take care of his final affairs and give her emotional support. As usual, the crazy sister arrived on the scene. I was leery of this but sane sister said she would be careful and I knew that the crazy sister had more time to spend with her and she did need someone. After the third visit to sane sister by crazy sister, all communications with me were shut off. They each blocked their phones from receiving calls from me. Has anyone EVER dealt with a situation like this? I feel so helpless and hurt. Sane sister (this description is seeming doubtful now) never asked to hear my side....just blocked me out.Why do people do things like this? Really need to hear from others who have family who do them this way.
View related questions:
affair, got back together, liar Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 OMG! What a dysfunctional bunch of sisters you have. Cut the cord on both of them and move on with your life. Do you really need this drama? Yes, we are "programmed" to cling to ou family, but honestly not when they cause this kind of stress. It's sad but you cannot row this boat alone. So paddle ashore and don't look back.
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (5 September 2012):
 First of all, I want to tell you that I feel sorry for you. I know from experience how very much it hurts to be estranged from a close family member not knowing what you have done wrong. People like to say "Blood is thicker than water" but sometimes the bonds that should be in a family are just NOT there. A wise man told me once "you can pick your girlfriend/boyfriend, wife/husband and your friends...but you don't get to pick your family". I've always remembered that. Sometimes you get lucky, and well, sometimes you don't. People that come from a "normal" family don't really understand how families can be at odds, but I do because its happened to me. You can try to reach out to your sister, perhaps it would be best to email her or write her a letter, that way you have time to get your thoughts together and say exactly what you want to say without worrying about blurting something out because you are upset or frustrated. All you can do is try to get through to your sister. Sometimes family members just don't get along and we have to accept that there will never be a closeness that we wish for. Another aunt suggested that you find some close friends. I agree. Do not blame yourself, you may just have to ultimately accept that your sisters aren't the kind of people that you need/want in your life, sad as it may be. I hope that some of the answers on here will lighten your sadness and comfort you in some small way. I have been where you are...it hurts...tremendously. *HUGS*
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (5 September 2012):
 I agree with PinkTopaz. I also have a sister and we have been in some doozy fights, but nothing we couldn't resolve. I would also wonder if Sane Sister is really sane. Most people have minds of their own and can call bullshit when they see it. I cannot imagine why Sane Sister blocked you.
The only thing I can suggest is to write Sane Sister a letter and ask what you did and that you would like to fix the problem. If she does not respond, you are going to need to go in search of some good girlfriends who will serve as your sisters. Sometimes biological siblings are not worth the effort. I know saying that is rather harsh, but there comes a time, like in any relationship, that you need to conclude that the relationship is toxic and you need to avoid certain people. I am sorry it is your sisters in this case, but if they are as manipulative as you say, you may be better off without the constant struggle/fight of trying to maintain a relationship that is not meant to be. Plus, you yourself said you have been "sucked into" your Crazy Sister's world more than once.
I would try again, but try not to attach too much emotion. I know that is easier said than done when it comes to family, but there was a time when I avoided any get-togethers with my mother's side of the family because they are just all negative and condescending. With family like that, who needs enemies? If you have tried and can't work it out, there's a just a time to say that..."I have tried and can't work it out. I did my best" and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): Pink Topaz....Crazy sister is very, very good. She had me almost hating my other sister at one time. She told me so many hurtful things, I was almost ill. She's very believable. I know my other sister is in a vulnerable position right now but still, I don't understand her falling hook, line and sinker....AGAIN.
My husband was a lot like you when we met (we've only been together 5 years so he missed a lot of history). He kept thinking there had to be more to it. After this, he's a believer. Because, he was turned on, too. He was as much help to the grieving sister as I was. He did all the "man" things for her like yard mowing, checking the oil and fluids in her car, washing her car, etc. Both of us....cut off.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): OMG...this is awful!! i've only experienced this as it pertains to coworkers and friends (or rather people whom I thought were friends). I could simply cut them out of my life once I realized this was the kind of people they were. Problem solved. I never have to see or deal with them ever again and can surround myself with good people instead. Life is too short to be spent on toxic people. But I understand that with sisters, close relatives, you can't let go so easily.
your crazy sister sounds like a very very toxic person, and if she's been like this all her life and she's now in her 50s, it's highly unlikely she will ever change.
Your sane sister sounds like she has a history of being very gullible and easily manipulated. This unfortunately makes her an easy target for crazy sister.
the only thing I can suggest is that maybe the THREE of you should attend counseling sessions together with a family therapist. Crazy sister could have a clinical type of personality disorder which is in need of medical treatment. if crazy sister won't agree to attend counseling, then you and sane sister should. But now it may be too late because sane sister has turned against you. But history has showed that she will eventually come back to you, though unfortunately it could take years. But if and when sane sister comes back to you, I would really recommend the two of you get some counseling as a group, with a family therapist.
it's also a sad fact that in many families, the relationships between family members will never be healthy or whole. Some times it is actually better to cut off ties completely than to hang onto unhealthy relationships just because you share a common history and are related by blood. Estranged families exist everywhere, my family also has 'factions' that 'broke away' long ago and want nothing to do with us. It's sad but actually not that sad when you really step back and think about the grand scheme of things because "family" should be a positive thing, people who support and cherish one another. People who are the opposite, have no reason to be in your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 September 2012):
Before reading your second to last paragraph, I was going to ask if your "sane" sister was really sane? I have 2 sisters as well, and sorry, I don't have any of them that do anything like that. They do irritate me from time-to-time but nothing like what you've just described.
Is there someone else you can talk to in the family that communicates with them? Does "crazy" sister fabricate some story that gets people to turn on you? I don't know what's going on, there's many possibilities. Granted, some people are master manipulators, but I don't think they can really be THAT good.
...............................
|
